Am I 'babying' my 3.7 year old...?

[Nancery]

My DS is 3.7 and I still give him a cuddle and milk in a bottle before bed, and he still wears a nappy at night (he's dry in the morning about 3/4 nights out of 7 so its not something I want to risk just yet!) He also has a dummy at night but absolutely not during the day (basically he seems to revert once he is tired / in the night.)

We have also, and I agree this is a bigger deal, ended up co-sleeping - this is just how its ended up due to various reasons (he kept moving sideways in the night so waking constantly in the cot, DH is in the spare room due to snoring and, besides, we have only just converted the loft where DS would be sleeping if we weren't also meant to be moving house, a plan in itself which has dragged on for nearly 18 months - so basically he was meant to be in his own room next to ours since 2 but we have had a nightmare with house sales falling through and chains collapsing so it's been put on the back burner.)

We now are talking, with enthusiasm from both sides, about when he has his own room in the 'big house' (which will also be next to ours rather than upstairs) which he is very excited about so I am planning on tackling that properly when the time comes rather than putting him upstairs next to DH's office, and having DH and his snorey ways back in with us with no option of a spare room!

In every other way he's a very confident and happy little boy but I do feel a bit conscious that most of his peers, admittedly most who now also have younger siblings, are fully out of the bottle, milk, dummy etc stage.

[MyNewBearTotoro]

I'm all for a bit of comfort at night and still have a teddy bear that I slept with until I had DC (I co-sleep now too).

I don't think a bottle at night is a problem at 3 and maybe not so uncommon - I have a friend whose daughter aged 3.9 still has a bottle at night and she is quite regimental in her parenting in other ways! My Dd is 2.6 and still has a bedtime bottle too. That said if your DS is on his way to being dry at night (which 50% dry mornings would suggest to me) I think I would switch to a sippy cup. Then if he's genuinely hungry/ thirsty he is still offered a drink but he's not just drinking for the sake of comfort/ habit.

But I agree to keep him in nappies (or pull-ups) at night until he is reliably dry at least 5/6 nights a week. I don't think that is unusual at his age, I know lots of 3 year olds still in night nappies and a couple of children aged 6/7. I wet the bed until my late teens, unfortunately it's not something that can be trained. Then once he is dry most nights and accidents are occasional I would ditch the nappies, use a waterproof sheet and accept occasionally having the extra washing.

[pinkcan]

I wouldn't particularly stress about any of it but first on the hit list would be the dummy. You could get him a special teddy to cuddle instead and since he's in bed with you, he has plenty of comfort. The dummy might be the easiest thing to get rid of anyway. My nearly 10 year old would happily sleep in my bed every night if I let him, so don't worry! He's only allowed to sleep in my bed when dh is away overnight, which is about once a month and my 7yo gets in as well!

[BoboChic]

My DD breastfed and coslept until she was nearly 5 but she never had a bottle or dummy. She dropped her nighttime nappy just before 3 AFAIR.

[Nancery]

Thanks everyone. I agree with the dummy and bottle - although he doesn't use either loads, he still uses them a bit. I think it's more of a comfort reassurance thing with the dummy in particular.

[BadDoGooder]

Mine is 3.9.
He only stopped having a night time feed (bf) at about 3.2 and only because I desperatley wanted my boobs back! He'd have gone on a lot longer if I hadn't stopped it!
We still co sleep, he gets books and a cuddle to sleep at night, just has water to sip if he's thirsty, so not too different from yours!

I don't think you are babying, but as pp have said, I would try and get the dummy and bottle magicked away by the fairies just for his teeth!

[waterrat]

all sounds normal. the only one I would question is the bottle and the dummy. My son also loved the bottle so much, I just pretended one night that I had left it somewhere and he had to have a cup. Then never let him see a bottle again!

the co sleeping is nobodys business but yours. From the parents I know its very very normal to co sleep. Cant understand why a poster above would think it would be a problem at school. Most parents ocassionally bed share with their kids.

[EnigmaticBlonde]

Thurlow - so right. You gotta do it your way! I came to the F-It conclusion a while back.

My 5 pennies worth - an outsider, not been on here for yonks, but just came across your thread.

Bottles and dummies are bad for teeth. I'm not damning you in any way. I went on holibobs with my parents when DS was around 3.2 and he still had a dummy. When we were playing I noticed a gap developing in his front teeth - pointed it out to my parents (both dentists) and they stated matter of fact. "course he's getting a gap - he has a dummy and once teeth are in they are bad". They never said anything directly to me before because they didn't want to criticize my parenting.

The sucking action starts to shape the roof of the mouth and push the teeth out. Not myth. Fact. We had the dummy fairies come and take them all away - and he got an RC spider from them. Not a moan, never looked back.

The bottle is similar - but also a drink last thing at night for a little bladder is probably not the best thing. Stop last bottle at night and I'll lay money you'll have dry nights.

Either way you gotta do what you thinks right - and I'm a hard ass mother :o)

xx

[Thurlow]

They do sound similar! And if they are, it'll all change quite quickly. As someone said to me when I posted like this, no one asks on their UCAS application forms what age they were dry at night or when they finally gave up the bottle

[Muskateersmummy]

The only one for me is the bottle at bedtime. Our DD is a similar age to your DS and we still co sleep, we have books and cuddles before bed, but she settles herself off to sleep and then comes in with us as the night goes on.

I would make the change to a cup of milk before bed (which also might help with the nighttime dryness we moved ours to a milk downstairs before bath and stories) rather than bottle simply because it's better for the teeth. I think you could lose the dummy too if you wanted.

But co sleeping and cuddles... Never too old for that kind of babying

[Ragwort]

I think a bottle at that age is babying him, of course there's nothing wrong with a cuddle and a milky drink at bedtime but the drink really does not need to be in a bottle. I knew someone who still gave her school age children 'choccy milk' in bottles every night, to me it was a clear sign that she couldn't bear the thought of her children growing up.

Presumably he can drink from a cup at other times in the day so why bother with the bottle at all - must be more hassle with washing it etc.

[Nancery]

Thurlow re reading your post, you sound quite similar to me. That's reassuring to see I'm not some kind of limpet mother!

[Nancery]

And I agree with the sentiment about why is there a rush to grow up, although also didn't want to discover I was leaving things ridiculously late either!
Re nappies in the day, we kind of let him decide that (it may not appear it from previous posts, but he is reasonably independent!) as he didn't seem remotely ready before - we started with 'big boy pants' just after he was 3, so later than quite a few of his peers. This seemed right for us, and has worked well. I'm hoping the other big things to drop can be similar. I think they are more of a crutch than necessary item now anyway, which hopefully means he's moving away of his own accord (so it can be dressed up as 'his decision' rather tha ours!)

[Nancery]

That's great to hear, thanks!

[uhoh2016]

I find they stop/change things in there own time when they are ready . Both My ds were turned 4 before they stopped a night time they each told me they didn't want to wear a nappy anymore and was dry straight away with the rare accident
I think I dropped the dummy about this age too we were down tothe last dummy and I just said 1 night we'd lost it so couldn't have it any more I'd say the 1st night was hard but after that it was forgotten about. I think it was harder for Me to bin that last dummy than it was for him to go without.
Tackle 1 thing at a time but as I said above he'll drop them as and when he's ready

[Thurlow]

We had this when DD just turned 3 - went on a miserable night out with other mums and got loads of flak from one mum in particular because DD wasn't potty trained, still had a bedtime bottle and was still in her cot with the side up. Made me worry a lot - but eventually just thought fuck it, everything will happen when everyone is ready for it. What's the massive rush for them to grow up?

There are things that you can try if you want to. DD finally gave up the bottles at about 3.5 because, like a PP, we offered her a reward if she moved to cups and straws, which she was happy to do. She did give up milk totally not long after that, so part of me wishes we hadn't done it!

And yes, with the wet nappy in the morning at this age it might very well be doing it when he wakes up, rather than doing it in his sleep. So you could maybe have a potty in the room so he can get to it quickly, and encourage him to try. At his age you have the benefit of the language skills to explain what's happening and to offer rewards. But really, there's no rush for night time dryness, they'll do it when they are ready. And with the house move coming up, that might put things back a bit so it's probably not worth considering at all until he's settled in his own room.

[Cupoftchaiagain]

Given u plan to move the only thing I would change right now would be the bottle (and the dummy if u can) as it won't be good for his teeth. My dd is the same age most of the time she sleeps through in her own bed, quite often she turns up in ours in middle of the night, and sometimes she starts off the night in ours!
U will prob find it much easier to sort the dry nights when u r not risking everyone's bedding!

[Nancery]

Thanks again for the replies. To clarify, the dummy isn't generally in all night, it's more of a 'just in case' kind of thing, so is probably used about 4/5 hours at the absolute most, but it's generally less (but he does tend to hold it a lot.)

I suppose the reason I asked the question is because, I think, a lot of his friends (almost all of whom now have younger siblings) seem to be out of things like bottles etc completely whereas we still use them, a bit, at night. Its the kind if thing I feel self conscious asking in RL in case they react with horror!

[louisejxxx]

My dd is 3.1 (so not quite same age) and still has a dummy a fair bit of the time including during the day. She is still in nappies 24/7 as hasn't cracked potty training yet, has only managed a few wees in the toilet but won't say when she needs to go yet.
She also cosleeps with me.

My plan in this order is: potty training, sleeping in own bed, dummy. I know the dummy is the worst for her teeth but I think if I have any chance of getting her to sleep in her own bed, that will have to be the last thing to go.

[ShelaghTurner]

My just turned 4yo co sleeps with me. She has in the last fortnight given up the dummy of her own free will after years of me trying to force the issue (I'm still stunned!). Think it was turning 4 and a convo with the dentist that did it...

She's been out of night time pull ups for a year now. But dd1 came out of them at roughly the same time and she was 7 so that wouldn't bother me at all.

As for bedtime milk and cuddles, why on earth would that be a problem? They're all different. Enjoy it!

[megletthesecond]

The only thing I'd worry about was the bottle, they're not great for teeth. The nappy will go when he's ready and you can hopefully bribe him to lose the dummy.

My 7yo still sleeps with me sometimes. And my 9yo sucks his thumb which no amount of bribery will stop.

[poocatcherchampion]

If my child was dry about halfva week I would wonder whether they were weeing when they woke up and would probably try without nappy at night.

However no way would I do that if they were in my bed

I think you know you need to do a few things,so it is just a matter of choosing where to start and moving on with it. (I'd start with bottle tbh)

What do you mean by cuddle? Do you mean lying with until asleep?

[lornathewizzard]

*sippy

[lornathewizzard]

Bottle I think you could deal with fairly swiftly, assuming he drinks during the day out of supply or straw cups. No reason why he can't have milk in a cup before teeth/bed.
Dummy would be on my short term list of things to deal with, you'll need to do it eventually anyway.
Nappy should solve itself in time.
Co-sleeping I don't think is an issue as long as you're all actually sleeping and you have a longer term plan for that anyway. Sorted!

[Jw35]

The only thing I would lose is the bottle. You can stop co sleeping if you want but if it's not an issue then it's fine! The nappy will be a thing of the past when he's not having a bottle at night within a few weeks/months.
The dummy is a habit that can be broken later but I wouldn't do it at the same time as the bottle.

[Booboostwo]

Worrying about babying him is the wrong thing to worry about - forget about that. Instead think of the behaviours individually.

Night time nappy is perfectly common and normal.
Bottle of milk, make sure he has it before brushing teeth.
Dummy can cause problems for teeth so try to wean him off that.
Co sleeping not an issue but I co sleep with my nearly 5yo.
Cuddles, anyone who thinks that cuddling their kid is a problem has other problems.