Fed up today...wanted to be a good and happy SAHM

[jay9]

Need to get a few things out of my system. Does anyone else get very fed up about the treadmill - the relentlessness of feeding, trying to get LO to sleep, and so on. It never stops. I used to think I had a demanding job but at least I could go home at night and do nothing and switch off. At the weekend my DH said he'd look after LO (17 week old DD)for an hour if I wanted to go round the shops on my own for a bit. I cried with the relief of having an hour to myself without having to think about her - much as I love her. My husband works long hours and many nights isn't able to get home in time to help bath her and put her to bed and even when he does I end up helping him when to be honest I'd rather sit on the settee for 20 mins for a change. Sometimes the days go on for ever. My DD is pretty good at night now but is very difficult to get to sleep during the day even though she's clearly tired and cries about it I can't seem to find any reliable way of getting her to sleep and stay asleep. Am now resorting to putting her in her cot in the dark and letting her cry for a bit (not long to be honest - 5 mins at the most before I go in and try again). Mixed success but it's hideous when she loses it and goes purple with crying. I know everyone says that I should be grateful she sleeps at night but 12 hours of on and off trying to get her to sleep in the day is pretty much the most demoralising and frustrating thing I've ever had to do.

I spend most of the days on my own as we recently moved into the area. I do meet up with some other mums a couple of times a week and I go shopping and travel to see friends etc which often are the only things that keep me going. I would like to be happy and content at home though.

I really wanted to be a good and happy SAHM but so far I'm thoroughly disappointed with myself. I have very little patience and much of the time I would hardly say I'm enjoying the whole experience...I feel so guilty thinking and saying that........

[fortyplus]

My 2 are 11 & 13 now, but I still shudder when I think back to the early days!
Much as I loved them dearly, the pressures of being at home with young children was almost unbearable. Mine are 18 months apart and the only way I kept my sanity was to spend as much time as possible out of the house with other people!
Things start to be a lot more fun once the older one goes to Nursery & you meet lots of other people with children of similar ages.
In the meantime you may find that going to a Mother & toddler group would help - even though your daughter is too young to benefit very much you might meet other SAHMs who you could socialise with. One word of caution though - M&T groups can be a bit cliquey, so you'd have to be the type who wouldn't mind going up to other people to introduce yourself!
Don't despair - the early days with a new baby are the hardest, so at 17 weeks things will soon start to improve.

[Smellen]

Hi Jay9
Just wanted to add: don't beat yourself up about loathing the job sometimes. It is possible to be totally & passionately in love with your little baby, but still hate the routine, exhausting, mundane & yukky parts of the job.

One of the most helpful things someone said to me was that Nature arranged it so that just when you thought you couldn't take any more of this slog, your baby would do something new - focus on something, reach out a hand, smile, roll over etc. And that really does help.

Another thing I found useful was a book by Naomi Stadlen, called something like "What Mothers Do [when it looks like nothing]" - which is excellent in helping you be more aware of all the recent changes to your life/body/relationships and how you may be feeling about them.

Mumsnet was also great when I had questions to post about daytime sleeps. My DS (now 1) and I were often both reduced to crying when I tried to settle him for daytime naps at about 16 wks. Controversial as this may be, I started to wean him at 20wks (he was a big boy - 10lbs 2oz at birth, and BF till that point), and noticed that he was more settled within about 3 days. Other mums notice no difference, others will say it made things worse - but whenever you do decide to wean your little one - in a month or two or whenever, you may find things a little easier.

Also, once they go a bit longer in daytime naps, you can try to set aside half hour to read a book, check your e-mails, whatever YOU want to do - and still have time to clear up their mess and eat something!

Before I had DS, I had always worked full-time outside the home - but I don't think I had ever worked so unremittingly, day after day, 6am-9pm, 7 days a week, without a holiday, and so little positive feedback. However, all that effort you are putting into this new job will pay dividends when hopefully your wee baby grows into a happy, well-loved and cared-for child.

I still have days when I would love to be back at work, but more days now when I thank my stars that I can spend the time I do with my DS. We have passed many hours on pointless walks, hanging out at babygroups where we know no-one, and singing nursery rhymes for the nth time - and there is no-one else on the planet for whom I would do all that... so it must be love!!

Good luck.