Is it possible to discipline a 18 month old?

[HyperThread]

Is it possible discipline to a 18 month old? How do you do it?

To give you some examples of today:

• Chucked food on the floor
  
• Refused to sit in the highchair
  
• Chucked all the toys and water out of the bath on to the floor
  
• Refused to get in the bath
  
• Refused to get nappy changed
  

All of these were followed by screaming, crying, etc

If I tell her off she either ignores me completely or laughs in my face :(

How do I manage this? I'm feeling quite overwhelmed by it all.

[BertieBotts]

Discipline means "teaching", not punishment, so while you can't do anything resembling punishment yet (good cos it's not nice at any age, you've got a while before you have to be the meanie!) you can do lots of teaching. A lot of it is about communicating in a way they understand.

• Chucked food on the floor
  

> Take food away, they're obviously finished. You don't need to comment even but they understand that food on the floor = mealtime over. You can offer the food again later if they are still hungry but make it clear no messing around.

• Refused to sit in the highchair
  

> Could you try a little table and chair for toddlers? Or try moving the mealtime, it might be she's too hungry/not hungry enough.

• Chucked all the toys and water out of the bath on to the floor
  

> Keep baths quick, perhaps look into trying showers soon?

• Refused to get in the bath
  

> Sequencing can help, so she understands in advance there's going to be a bath and then after the bath something nice like a story.

• Refused to get nappy changed
  

> Hmm I think I had to sit on DS and be very very quick!

[Limpetsmum]

My son was a little monster at that age. I stayed consistently harsh and used the naughty corner.
He's now three and all I have to do is threaten to use the naughty corner if he's naughty and he behaves.
I found 18-24 months a challenging time and was at my wits end. But one day he just got it and behaviour changed. I would genuinely say he is a little angel now (mostly) and I think being consistent and following through with any threats eg no toys, no dinner has paid off for me. Also, if my son was messing around at dinner time I would say, right you've finished, no pudding (after a warning) and he still would sleep through despite not eating. - I think that's the same for all kids so don't be scared to give that a try if you think it may work for you.
Good luck, it will get better!

[Blondebiker4685]

I wouldn't try getting an 18 month old to say sorry unless it was given happily and willingly and with understanding. Insisting on a sorry will result in more pointless head to head situations and your child feeling awkward. What you can do though is say sorry on behalf of your child and with in ear shot of her. Lead by example

[BarbarianMum]

18 months was when I started with the naughty step - but only for supremely undesirable behaviours (ds1 biting; ds2 hair pulling) and only for 1 minute at a time. It worked fine but I wouldn't have extended it to all undesirable behaviour or life would have been 1 huge battle.

For the food chucking/nappy changing/don't want to hold your hand type dramas I used a mixture of picking my battles, distraction and superior physical strength (there is a good reason that toddlers are much, much smaller than their parents).

[HyperThread]

Thanks everyone, some excellent tips!

[katandkits]

I don't think its worth getting a toddler to say sorry, they have no idea what sorry means and haven't developed empathy for others yet. I think learning to apologise comes at least 2.5, maybe 3 years old. Before that they might repeat sorry because you made them do it, but they haven't really learnt anything.

i agree with the others. Lots and lots of praise for good behaviour and try to keep as calm as possible with the other stuff. Toddlers are hard enough work as it is, you don't want to make unnecessary battles.

[trilbydoll]

DH was trying to get DD to look at him and apologise the other night (she is 19mo) because she pushed him. Her eyes were all over the place, sideways, rolling up in her head, everywhere. I am ashamed to say I corpsed completely and was shaking with laughter.

We are trying to reinforce saying sorry, because she seems to really hate doing it, she gets a defiant look on her face. But generally, I go for the natural consequences, so if everything is on the floor, well, that is the end of mealtime / bath time etc.

DD also really fights the nappy and unfortunately I have nothing better than trying to distract her with a story etc and if that doesn't work, pinning her to the changing table with my weight. Not ideal!

[Blondebiker4685]

If mine threw their bath toys out or food on the floor, it would signal end of bath/tea time

Distraction works well.

[reallystuckonthisone]

I tend to say "No" and distract immediately. And praise good behaviour. Does anyone else get the urge to giggle when they laugh in your face though? That's the hardest part for me - keeping a straight fact when tryingvto discipline

[AggressiveBunting]

Ignoring bad behaviour definitely the best strategy at this age so

• bath toys out of the bath- say nothing but dont put them back in
  
• throwing food- say nothing , just take the plate away
  
• refuses to sit in high chair- no lunch until they do. I'd just sit down and start eating mine.
  
• doesnt want to get in bath- physically put in bath
  
• doesnt want nappy- switch to pull ups. way less drama.

[Mrscog]

It's hard, and I'd agree with the pick your battles thing, throwing toys/food etc is just developmental. I always ignored it and DS is now 2.9 and doesn't throw food. Don't assume you need to discipline all behaviour that would be bad for an older child/adult to do.

For bath refusal I'd just go with it, they don't need a bath every day - every 3 days or so is fine so you cut the battles down there.

I just used my force for nappy changes, I couldn't find any other way and DS would wear the same shitty nappy all day if given the chance!

[EugenesAxe]

I'd say in a nutshell, no. You distract, voice what's acceptable and not, but as people have said if you show that what your DD is doing is bothering you she will probably do it more.

It's very hard to just be nonchalant, but you must and make a big deal of the right behaviour.

[Blondebiker4685]

My three of my kids wanted to be on my good side. Despite my calmness, the other one liked the ripples of not being on my good side. It's taken a lot of positivity, play, fun, acceptance, routines and really holding him in good regard to turn things around. Essentially I think it boiled down to him being a particularly sensitive child and me not quite knowing how to get the best out of him.

[CharlotteCollins]

Yes, head-to-head battles was my big mistake with DD1. She loved the drama of "no". I tried Supernanny techniques before I'd ever watched Supernanny - but got tired of the "replace on naughty step and walk away calmly" long before she did. She thought the whole thing was brilliant and would happily have played the naughty step game all day, I think.

I think playful parenting etc is discipline. Discipline and teaching DC about boundaries are the same thing in my mind.

[Gabriola]

I used to keep a little photo book handy for nappy changes. It had pictures of me, daddy and dc's in. Worked every time. They never got it at any other time, only when they were having their nappy changed.

[hoppus]

When mine starts chucking food I stick my hand out and say Ta and she now hands me the bits she doesn't want or is finished with. Only slightly better than dropping it on the floor! At the end of the meal she hands her plate but I have about three seconds to take it before she gives up and drops it. I think maybe they just aren't sure what to do with the food they don't want

[Blondebiker4685]

If you go heavily down the 'no' route, you will create lots of unnecessary head to head battles. Save your no's for more important dangerous times. Use playful parenting, fun, silly games and lots of positive attention to encourage good behaviour. I have been known to walk off (in a safe environment) if my toddler acts up. No attention for bad behaviour works a treat

[hoppus]

I have an 18mo too and I just say NO in a firm, but not loud or threatening, voice if she is doing something dangerous and then distract and move on straight away. If she wont cooperate at meal/bath/nappy time I explain what is happening and why and make everything into a game, give her some control and praise lots when she does the right thing. I think they understand a lot more than they let on. She definitely realises when she is being naughty as she glances around all guilty looking!

[rastamam]

I think my ds has responded really well to me clapping him for behaving well, even to the extent of coming over to me to lie down nicely for his nappy to be done, then I sing him a song, well done for sitting very nicely, and he claps with me. May not last of course but I can hope! I also made his nappy mat into a 'surf board' and make it fun for him to lie on and get swooshed around first. And when he is running around refusing to get in the bath I go and sit by the bath and chat to all his toys in there and he soon comes in to join the fun. I dont know if any of this will continue to work or whether hel tire of it!or whether its even a good idea as its not disciplining him but avoiding confrontation I guess!? I havent found anything yet that stops him throwing the food he doesnt want on the floor so will watch thread with interest!

[JuxaSnogUndertheMistletoe]

I doubt that any child has the capacity to understand punishment, discipline etc at that age, and unlikely to have the memory for it eiyher, and definitely won't have developed the all-important frontal lobe functioning they need, not at 18m.

[Boomtownsurprise]

I found the best thing was pantomime. Lots of extreme faces. Hand movements. Mummy's sad, cross, happy, yucky food whatever it's about learning different emotions and boundaries.

And the word No.

[girliefriend]

Blimey sounds like a tough day hope you are sat down with now

I think I would say no firmly followed by consequence, so food on floor means meal time is over (completely ignore ant tantruming, work on tuning it out )

refusing to sit in high chair means she doesn't eat (although if she doesn't like the high chair could you get her one of those booster seats so she can sit on a normal chair at the table?)

Chucks toys out the bath means bathtime is over, refusing to get in the bath means gritting your teeth and dunking her in for a quick once over!!

Nappy change is tricky, try and aim for when she is distracted ie cbeebies is on or has a toy/book she can look at. However at this age I swapped nappies for the pull up type as easier to put on a child standing up!!

Sympathies, it is hard work but a good piece of advice some one gave me when I was feeling overwhelmed was 'children are a bit like dogs, show no fear'

[MmeLindor]

I don't think they really understand it at that age. They are testing boundaries, and yes, a bit of attention seeking.

Agree with Charlotte - pick your battles. If she chucks food on the floor, then mealtime is over, but e.g. she has to put up with being put in highchair / car seat etc.

You can't really discipline her, but you can show her boundaries. But kindly - not shouting, just ignore the tantrum and carry on. Not easy, but you will get through it.

[CharlotteCollins]

Agree with attention-seeking. So give her lots of positive attention at other times, and minimal attention when she's behaving in a way you don't want her to.