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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Parenting

the woes of my Footballer son

33 replies

Beetroot · 04/10/2006 20:49

ds used to pay for a team and he was one of the best players. Always on , always getting Man of the match. Ev eryone said he had real talent.

he has now joined a more competative team and he rarely goes on. Maybe 10 mins in a match. he is put on in a position that he is not comfortable with.

I have spoken to the coach and he says that he has his team and they have been with him since they were 7. he does not want to risk taking one off in ds's position as he does not need to.

DS says he does not want to play for them anymore. he can play at school.

Trouble is we always thought ds was really good and had potential...this is what we were led to believe

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beetroot · 05/10/2006 13:07

I am liking the idea of Tennis

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Sherbert37 · 05/10/2006 12:49

We have had a similiar experience but with the same team. Last year DS1 was Player of the Year, played every game, all game and was a good solid defender. The summer came and went (he went to all the training) and now we find he is sharing his position with another lad and gets to play about half a match. We are all puzzled as he has gone from flavour of the month to virtual sub just like that. It's a strange old sport. Don't think I can say anything as DS1 would hate me to, but he too is losing his confidence. Maybe their turns will come again if they stick in there and show willing. DS1 loves cricket - has your DS tried that?

Nogbad · 05/10/2006 12:28

My husband coaches an U8s team and our biggest problem is team selection. This year we have split all the boys up into 5 groups and each week 4 of the groups play in a rotation. We thought that because they are only 7 then it is the fairest thing to do in order that everyone gets a chance to play games - after all you can't improve if you don't play.

You wouldn't believe the complaints we have had about this - all from the Mothers of 'strong' players complaining that by including the weaker kids then we won't win! So, whatever the coach does he is in a losing situation. If we pick our strongest players then we will win most games but the kids who aren't brilliant will be discouraged and give up, if we give everyone equal time then we may lose our stronger players. It is a great shame - they are only 7 and we think the point of playing football is that we all learn to have fun together - let's face it very few will ever make professional level and if they grow up with a love of the game and a habit of sport then job done.

It might be an idea to ask your coach to see if he can arrange friendlies for the kids who don't get to play regularly to give them the match experience. I am sure the coach will take on board positive suggestions - especially if you help arrange it.

Good luck.

beetroot · 05/10/2006 09:03

There is no way we could move clubs. There is not another local one. he plays at school (as a club rather than in the gmes lesson) so perhaps we need to let him choose.

He said today that perhaps he coudl take up Tennis instead. He admits he doesnot want to be a p rfessional footballer, so there is no use pushing him to do something he is not enjoying.

I think he needs to continue until half term adn then decide

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Loshad · 04/10/2006 22:27

tbh i think you really need to move clubs, even if it involves a bit of travelling. My own boys play rugby, but i'm sure the same happens in football - some clubs are ultracompetitive and only the very best ever get a go, and some play all those who turn up, and if they win great, if they don't then never mind. If's he's not getting enough playing time with the former then imo you need to look for a less "pushy, win at all costs" club.

Beetroot · 04/10/2006 22:05

QE, I really don't know how good he is. So many people have come up to me and said he is good. he reads the game, he is not a striker, he is not scared of getting in,he stands back and folows the game.

I have asked him to stay for a while and see how he does, but I don't want ot make him...

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QueenEvil · 04/10/2006 22:02

Beetroot, if your ds really wants to play footy then maybe he has to just bide his time. My ds loves his footy but when he changed to a much better team he barely got a look in all season - he too would get on for just the last 10 minutes of a match. In his previous team, he was very much like your ds in that he was by far the best player.

After a season and a half as a sub, ds1 started the following season as the manager's first choice and he finished top scorer for the season. That particular manager has now left and the squad has been reinforced with new players. Unfortunatley for ds, he has gone back to being the sub, coming on for the last 10-15 minutes. However, he has come on and scored in his last 3 games so......fingers crossed he has proved that he deserves a starting place.

Playing devil's advocate......is your son really as good as you think he is? Sometimes in a lesser side some players stand out but when they move to a better team they appear just average iyswim? That, I think has been true of my ds.

Would your ds be happy to play as sub for the time being and try to prove himslef to the manager during those 10 minutes and at training sessions?

PretendFriend · 04/10/2006 22:02

They're not allowed to play in a younger team - older is OK but not younger (they are v well regulated from that pov)

dinosaur · 04/10/2006 21:55

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Beetroot · 04/10/2006 21:55

dont they do that near you Matey?

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Mateychops · 04/10/2006 21:54

You mean there's HORSES playing football???? That's just cruel.

Beetroot · 04/10/2006 21:50

omg, that is what I should do

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marthamoo · 04/10/2006 21:48

About the time ds1 didn't get on the school team, I got the Mumsnet email with the "In the News" section. They'd included a story about a woman down south somewhere who'd drugged all the other ponies in her son's gymkhana so he'd have a better chance of winning.

I had real empathy with that woman

Beetroot · 04/10/2006 21:44

yes I find it really sad.

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Beetroot · 04/10/2006 21:44

Yes he says he wants to play his best players

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southeastastralplain · 04/10/2006 21:43

this is quite sad really isn't it.

PretendFriend · 04/10/2006 21:42

Most of them are ar$es though, at this level - fact of life

Mateychops · 04/10/2006 21:41

Well, I know it's not much help, but at least he is on for 10 minutes. Hopefully, this will build up once the coach sees how well he plays and fits in with the team. If he's a pretty competitive coach, he'll want to play his best players. If not, he's a bit of an ar$e.

Beetroot · 04/10/2006 21:40

Moo - yes you have go the man!!

Oh a mumsnet team woudl be great!

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marthamoo · 04/10/2006 21:38

This is the coach with the unique line in pep talks, yes? He sounds even more of an @rse than he did before.

If it's any consolation (probably not) ds1 is footie-mad, really keen (and I don't think he's a bad player either) - and came home at the start of this academic year saying he'd put his name down for the school team and would be having trials. I can't tell you how pleased I was - he never, and I mean never, puts himself forward for anything - he is terrifically shy. I knew how much he must have wanted to be on the team to put his name down.

Came home 2 days later - trials never materialised, the team remains static - mostly year 6s (he is year 5) and the school coach chose three new children from ds1's year to make up the numbers. Completely arbitrarily, it seems - no try outs at all. He was so very, very sad and I was livid.

I think football sucks.

If we were closer to you, beety, we could start a Mumsnet team.

Beetroot · 04/10/2006 21:31

gawd am not running my own team.

he plays at school
he plays rugby three times a week as well

He is a good sportsman

Yes the trainer has a son in the team and he is never off!

Dh already mentioned he should not play up front but coach says tough

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PretendFriend · 04/10/2006 21:27

My DH did run a team for several years and he didn't make our DS (different DS) player of the year - in fact the joke between them was that he called him "sub - er - son". The lads in that team had a great time and still respect DH and enjoy chatting to him when they see him.

However the fact remains that most teams are run by a dad for the benefit of his own son, and as there is a hell of a lot of admin and time involved you either go along with it or branch out on your own.

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Mateychops · 04/10/2006 21:24

...and after reading those last posts, my DS never gets player of the game, month or year from DH. They're not all bad! Trust me, he's also got to deal with some real histronics, and that can just be the mothers!

Mateychops · 04/10/2006 21:22

DS is in a football club, and DH is coach. The reason why they both got involved was that there was no competition at school, and we thought it was important for DS to know about team play, winning, losing, etc. DS is not brilliant, and his team regularly get beaten. But they do have a good laugh, and it's building their self-esteem and teaching them some important life lessons.

I wouldn't worry too much about his talent at this stage, but maybe get DH to suggest another position for DS, and help coach him in the park/garden on a one-to-one to help build DS confidence. But, at the end of the day, if he doesn't want to play, don't worry too much, there may be other sports he will excel in. Unlike football, life is not a game of two halfs....I'm changing my nickname to AlexFerguson. I'm vewy, vewy pwoud....

southeastastralplain · 04/10/2006 21:20

the manager's son was in our team too pf and always seemed to win player of the year!

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