Tougening up my son

[peppajay]

I am being told left right and centre that my son needs toughening up. He is 6 and yes he is not a typical boy he hates football and any type of sport he refuses to ride a bike, if he falls over he makes such a fuss he is quite a mummys boy and he loves his nursey rhymes, performing and cbeebies. He has nothing to do with minecraft, dr who or football like the boys in his class. He is very popular and although the boys will play with them he always chooses to play with the girls. He doesn't have much of a relationship with his dad or grandparents and is very attached to me basically I think one reason because I have always been the main carer and he has always been clingy so no one else has ever bothered with him. GP's and hubby constantly call him a wuss and I am getting it in the neck that I need to toughen him up!!! He quite often crys like a baby if things go wrong and does act and play more like he is 3 than 6. However he has no problems standing up for himself if anyone gets in his way or does something he doesn't like he wont just cry like he does usually he will tell them straight - don't push or stop being mean and they usually listen he is scared of no one. In other ways he is really boyish he hates anything pink and just loves trains and anything to do with them. My brother is gay and I think deep down his wussy attitude is worrying my parents and hubby and they think if I toughen him up maybe he will become more boyish!! I have tried to get him more into boyish things by having boys his age to play but he has nothing in common he knows nothing about minecraft and hates kicking a football around. Playdates with girls are fantastic they dress up and make up songs and dance routines. In September he is starting at a drama group as he loves performing. The teachers adore him at school and love him as he is a little bit different to the other boys but my husband worries that he will be bullied, but what can I do to change him and should I - I love him the way he is and his little quirks but my hubby says I am being selfish just because I love him that way no one else will. But it is down to me to instill this change because he cries a lot if things go wrong and he loves being with me hubby won't really be involved with him until he is toughened up. So who is the right here- feel I am being outnumbered?? Should I let him be himself or work really really hard at changing him and his ways??

[YeGodsAndLittleFishes]

Being tough and having a strong character are two different things. Your son has the latter, and that is far more important in life. Being tough without having a strong character is pretty easy, and can lead to many problems and set backs in life.

[TondelayoSchwarzkopf]

FWIW 'typical tough boy' and 'sensitive / in touch with their feminine side' boy are just one dimensional stereotypes anyway. Most boys are a mixture. My DS is into superheroes, Marvel, Lego & Minecraft but he also has long hair, loves cooking, clothes and is very sensitive. Don't try and pigeonhole him either.

[kiki0202]

You should have strong word with his dad and grandparents it's shocking to be calling him names I would not stand for that. I would work on the tantrums and crying he needs to learn how to manage his emotions and frustrations in a better way apart from that I wouldn't worry about the things he likes they might change they might not but it's a good thing that he knows what he likes. My DN is 7 and tends to go with the flock says she loves 1 direction but she actually doesn't at all drives me mad!

[peppajay]

Thanks for all your messages of support he is a lovely boy and should be appreciated for who he is and I don't want to change him even if others do. I admit he is a bit clingy and cry babyish and I think over time this will get better. He hates it if things don't go to plan but life is like this sometimes and he does have to learn that things are different to how he would like but instaed of other people walking away in total embarrassment or shouting at him to grow up and stop howling like a brat when he does flip out because he has spilt his drink or got mud on his shoe they need to either work with me to calm him down and explain that it doesn't matter or not be involved with him at all. The meltdowns are a lot shorter and quicker when it is just me with him!!! Oddly enough he is far easier when is just me and him and his sister than when his dad is around as he gets so embarrassed by him!!!!!

[DirtyDancing]

Celebrate the wonderful, individual your son is. How amazing to have such a lovely little boy that isn't afraid to be himself. Your DH and family are clearly afraid of your son's unique personality and is such a same ;( Particularly your DH - being a parent is all about unconditional love, supporting your child no matter what. I think your DH and DS relationship is in serious jeopardy and this could very much affect your DS in the future. Pls speak to your DH about this x

[HayDayQueen]

You know what? DS1 (7) is into football, racing cars, Star Wars, Dr Who, etc, etc. He ALSO has the very same melt downs that your DS has. If things haven't gone exactly as he has planned - melt down, it has to all be started again, woe is me, yadda, yadda, yadda. (Oh the pain of those melt downs.....!!!!!)

So those melt downs dont' have ANYTHING to do with how 'typically boyish' he is or isn't at all.

[TheLeftovermonster]

His dad needs to develop a relationship with him. Not to 'toughen him up', just to create a bond. Father and son days out?

[ThirteenMeetings]

Your son sounds awesome. I think the best thing you can do is teach him to feel confident in who he is, to be honest and stand up for what he believes in - which it sounds like he already does, so you are doing a great job.

[jessstan2]

Your son sounds OK. Mine liked playing with girls up until the approach of puberty when he turned into a tall, gruff bloke overnight. Bless him - I mean yours (but mine too of course, scruffball).