My dd is 8 weeks old and I've discovered that nothing on earth makes me happier than having lots and lots of cuddles! However, certain family members are constantly telling me that I hold her too much. I personally don't understand how you can hold a baby too much- you see women all around the world that have their babies strapped to them until they can walk and I far as I know those children aren't suffering any maladjustment.
I don't know how to react when they say this to me, as I feel like I should justify my actions and I know I should be made to feel that way. Another issue I'm having in addition to this is that I'm 18 years old and this is my first child- so its very difficult to come across as level-headed and calm when any counter arguments I make are brushed off as me being an 'obtuse teenager who thinks she knows everything'.
If anyone can relate in any way your input would be much appreciated!
For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.
Parenting
Dealing with family members saying I hold baby too much!?
electraheart · 10/08/2014 03:09
Invoking the midwife, health visitor or doctor as saying that you should be doing whatever it is that you want to be doing always worked well for me if my mum, mil or whoever thought I wasn't doing something right... (and no, I didn't actually check with the mw/hv/dr, just took it for granted that they would agree with me 
)
The other thing is to get into a conversation with them about how they found out about looking after their first baby.
it can go two main ways:
1 - they did the research themselves about what was the best practice for the time, in which case you say 'why are you stopping me from doing the same thing? All I'm doing is exactly what you did - look to see what is considered best for your baby. Do you not want me to do the best thing possible for my dd?' Very difficult for them to argue against wanting the best for your dd plus by saying you are doing the same as them - looking up info, following it etc - makes it difficult for them to disagree with you.
Plus it gives them a way to gracefully accept that you can do things differently from them without them taking it as a personal criticism that what they did was wrong - they want validation from you that they did the right thing. So give it to them - but for their research approach rather than actual method used. And do it with a little humour - joke about how it will probably have changed once again by the next time you have a baby (no idea if you are planning that or not but it will probably shut them up!) or about how people you've met that have just had their second or more baby have been saying things have changed even in the last year or two or three.
or 2 - they did what their parents told them. In which case the advice they are giving you is telling you what your grandparents (and possibly great gps!) did. But things have changed - we keep studying and researching and learning new things - just look at the research on sleeping position and cot death rates - it kept changing as they kept discovering death rates could be lowered and lowered. So ask if they don't love their gd enough to want you to treat her with the most up to date methods possible. And if they don't - ask if they are going to ask the doctor to treat them with treatments that have been around for at least 50 years - I bet they won't. So why do they want to deny you the chance to treat your dd as best you possibly can?
I suspect if you talk about the actual research and the names you might be putting them off, turn it around to how they found out the info when they were in your position and it will be much easier to sell your viewpoint to them - just practise both these approaches in your mind first before you have the discussion.
And definitely go with what you feel - it sounds like you know exactly what you are doing and what your baby wants and needs!
You sound like a brilliant mum my love, so take no notice of them.
You are the babies mum and entitled to bring your dd up the way you want to and don't have to justify yourself to anyone.
Your age perhaps makes you a little less confident, which is understandable, don't let them bully you.
FWIW, my reaction to your thread title was that you can't hold a baby too much.
Congratulations on birth of your dd 
for you.
You know what, people said it to me with my ds and I didn't listen. I held him as much as possible. Now he's 3 and doesn't sleep on me anymore. It goes by so fast I don't regret it one bit.
Now I've had my dd, she has been put down a lot more from necessity of being the second born. I still hold her as much as possible, and actually I don't think it affects their ability to settle. She has still gone through phases of needing to be picked up, and ds sleeps fantastically well on his own now and has for a while.
Congratulations btw 
Three things in life are certain: Death, taxes and parenthood bringing out the opinionated arsehole in us all 
Welcome to the club! It doesn't get any easier and you will be judged from here on out no matter what you do my love. So stick to your guns and wave the middle finger flag at anybody telling you that you're doing it 'wrong'.
Massive congratulations, btw!
My DS1 trained me to be a far more attachment parenting parent than I would have chosen to be by inclination .
"Oh, you are holding the baby again - you'll make a Rod For Your Own Back" - said with teeth-sucking by well-meaning relative/neighbour/random passer-by
"Yes, isn't' it lovely" 
My pil are always telling us we're spoiling the baby by cuddling and kissing him to much but we've realised something -
it's a trick. They just want all those lovely newborn cuddles for themselves .
Say 'oh really? how interesting' and carry on as before .
Sootgremlin, I am a well-trained mother of 4 - all different, the cheeky beggars
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.