Baby 7 months old and drives me crazy!!

[Millie3030]

Hi,

This is my first post and I haven't told anyone how I feel, so I thought I would test the waters with an anonymous post and seem what you think.

I have a little boy that is 7 months old, sleep well has 2 naps a day and eats 3 times a day. But..... I really don't like being a mum, I hate how mundane, tedious, repetitive and boring it is. LO is quite a difficult baby, he gets frustrated very easily, bored quickly and wants me to sit in front of him all day and pass him different toys. He wakes up crying, I go in to say hello and give him a toy whilst I go and get his bottle, and he is in full meltdown by the time I return 2 minutes later! After his bottle he is happy for 20mins of me constantly playing with him. Then another meltdown whilst I prepare breakfast, eats and he is fine. This basically continues all day :-(. Sometimes I do shout at him usually "What?!!!" As he has had a long nap, has a full tummy, dry bottom and he is still screaming?! It is driving me insane! I'm hoping when he crawls he will be entertained for longer than a couple of minutes but I really don't enjoy this.

I have a few friends with babies and they can plonk them on the floor with a toy and they are happy for ages, hey sit back enjoy their coffee and talk of how they can't bare the thought of leaving them when they return to work. I smile and nod, whilst thinking I cannot wait!!

Shouldn't I be bursting with love and thinking everything is cute? I spend more time frustrated, and upset and counting down the minutes until he is in bed. :-(

[manechanger]

Hi There, my mum is similar - dd1 had failure to thrive and mum suggested dripping on toast (she was about 8 weeks) apparently it did wonders for her/me. I expect Ill do the same to my daughters...

With ds1 (dc3) I had health related anxiety - mostly paranoia that I would die and this was exacerbated by then finding a huge lump on my thyroid, clearly I decided this was cancerous and started composing letters to my kids etc. He was 9m old when they took it out and it was not cancer, just a cyst. I did have some odd experiences leading up to his birth that meant I was quite high risk of pnd including family history. I took myself to A&E and forced them to do a psychological assessment of me and forced myself not to talk it down. Anyway they did get a psych in who said I had normal baby blues. I also talked to my GP about it who was absolutely lovely and booked me fortnightly appointments where i could raise any health concerns. I took the baby with me to all these appointments.

I had panic attacks and I found things got a lot worse if I was tired so sometimes I went to bed at 7pm with the kids. I also found it better if i walked around the park and got out of the house. It gets a lot better in summer when it's lighter and when they are older and you can do more fun things. Now when I have a baby I just get so happy to get that first year over. x

[waterrat]

Op - babies are bloody relentless and boring at times! If it helps I think your baby does sound fairly hard work - I do think some are more laid back and cheerful - my son was always smiling and self contained - I don't think that is down to parenting - it's luck - I know babies of friends who are Lways fussing and tearful - but even those babies changed hugely when they became toddlers

It doesn't seem believable now but in a years time you will have a completely different life - a walking toddler who understands basic instructions and who can run about play football, climb onto a slide run about at toddler group

I think the absolute worst bit about pre mobile babies is that they get bored but thu can't really do anything!!

One group I really recommend is baby sing and sign or whatever your local equivalent is - music , learning to communicate through signs etc it was very fun and better than a playgroup which I think tbh are limited in appeal to under 1s

Never ever stay in all day! Golden rule of parenting - make sure you are out until lunchtime then the house is not such a boring place ... And use the tv if that helps ....

[Millie3030]

Thank you all so much, you are so supportive. I'm going to get out every day and have downloaded the timetables for the local toddler group. Spent an hour in tesco this afternoon and will now try to do something different every day to break the day up a bit.

I do love him very much, and I'm just glad he won't remember his stressed mummy when he is older. But so many of you are right, maybe I'm just not going to love the baby bit and will love the toddler and older bit.

Does worry me when DH talks of having another one though! I can't imagine that I could do this again unfortunately. Always thought I would have at least 2, but I really cannot do this again.

Thank you all so much for your support xxxxx

[CailinDana]

Good to hear your day was a bit better. You absolutely must get out every day. Even if you just walk around the garden, you must not spend a whole day in the house. I've been a sahm for 3 years and that is still my golden rule.
One other thing that might help is to forget about the housework (apart from basic tidyness) and focus on your ds. It sounds to me like you're stressed trying to find ways to keep him happy while you do other things. Forget the other things. When he wakes in the morning pick him up and take him with you. Chat and sing while you make his bottle then once bottle is done whip the jimjams and nappy off, give him a banana to smear all over himself eat and get yourself a cuppa and some food. Once banana apocalypse has occurred, quick wash in the sink letting him splash a bit, nappy clothes and coat on and out in the buggy to an activity, the shop or just a walk. Bring snacks. Back home for lunch - breadsticks for him while you make food for both of you then eat together. Nap if needed then out again or else clothes off again, on the kitchen floor, pour out a load of flour or a tin of beans or a packet of lentils, loads of spoons and a plastic bowl and make a mess. Then into the bath for a nice long play.
Batch freeze dinners at the weekend to avoid cooking during the week. Then just stick his dinner in the microwave, feed followed by book and bed.
My ds was a plonker -easiest baby ever. DD is a clingy whingemonster. But if I get out every day, occupy her with food water and mess then it's a lot easier. My house is a state but who cares.

[MillyMollyMama]

This sounds just like I was with DD2 who followed an extremely happy and easy DD1. Motherhood, I thought, was pretty easy. When I was pregnant with no 2, I just knew this one was different. There were no problems but she screamed for hours after she was born and my husband went home and left me to it, as did the hospital staff. She more or less whinged and screamed for the next year. I screamed at her. I should also have screamed at the health visitor who said it was all fine when it obviously was not.

Nothing was ever right for DD2. Food, playing, being left with anyone, sleep: every part of her day seemed to be not what she wanted. DH and I never went out for 6 months and when we did she howled for hours and kept herself awake until we got back. I gave up my job as she was so awful for anyone else to look after. At 18 months I had to get her to nursery as I could not stand it any longer! I wished I had done it sooner and not tried to do everything myself. Most days I regretted ever having a second baby. At about 2 we actually managed to take photos of her smiling and not scowling. At 3 she loved nursery. Had her moments as a teenager though!

You either have to go back to work, send DS to nursery or tough it out. Can your Mum have him so you can get some time away? We never had this luxury and I needed to escape because I knew it was driving me mad.

[MillyMollyMama]

PS. I cannot tell you how many times I wished I had not had a second one! It is not obligatory!

[waterrat]

Op if you can afford even a few hours of childcare I would highly recommend it. I left my son at 7 months for 3 hours twice a week with a lovely childminder - it was a complete life saver - just the burden lifting of not having to think every single day what shall we do. He loved spending a few hours with other children - and would come home tired out and have lunch then a nap - that's the whole day dealt with!

For the person who said you should find a baby easy if they sleep and eat well - what utter bollocks. Some babies are harder work than others - but more importantly modern life is a totally alien way to bring up children to how we evolved - women would for most of history have been in large groups all day and had constan help - being alone with a small non verbal baby is not in any way natural an you don't have to like it

Don't be put off a second op - it won't e the same at all as you will have an older toddler who can talk and make you laugh for company - as well as more friends and community links - your baby might be much easier next Time

[BonaDea]

I am so glad I looked at this thread - not only has it made me feel better but I also learned the term 'plonker'. Unfortunately I don't have one either!

I am going back to work in 6 weeks and honestly cannot wait although a big part of me is also heartbroken about it (ok maybe just a little part). We have hired a nanny and she starts in 4 weeks. I have already told dh that if we have another child the nanny stays! Can't imagine doing it with two of the little cherubs.

[oscarwilde]

My first DD was like yours OP. I legged it back to work at 7.5 months and left her with a nanny and another baby the same age. We did a nannyshare with an NCT friend. My guilt at going back to work was totally assuaged by being met by a happy, smiley baby (mostly) in the evenings who had been entertained by another child and a person who was quite happy to sing Twinkle, twinkle bloody star on repeat all day. Don't get me wrong - I admire our nanny but I wouldn't do her job for all the tea in China. And I'd be rubbish at it.

I really wanted a second child but couldn't face it within our original planned timeframes. In retrospect I am sorry I didn't get on with it, while it would have been tough to have two in nappies, my second was a much easier baby and it would have been fine though I went back to work even earlier.

Bonadea - we kept her on for my second mat leave and I went back to work, working part time from home at 3 months, full time at 6. I think everyone was shocked I was back so soon but No 2 was a happy smiley "plonker", slept really well overnight which was key and it gave us the funds to keep a nanny on through mat leave which made an enormous difference and meant that I could spend time with DD1 by ourselves and get over the first jealousy ridden 3 months. My DD1 actually settled much better with her baby sister once I was at least partially back at work.

[omuwalamulungi]

Millie3030 I've just been to my HV last week and admitted I'm struggling emotionally. My DS is 8 months. They have been great, they asked some difficult questions and it was hard to be honest but I feel better just for sharing with someone. Please don't worry about them putting a big black mark next to your name and passing it on to social services, it doesn't work like that!

It will be good for you to get a break, counselling doesn't necessarily mean you have a "problem", it can be really helpful just to talk. The thing with babies sometimes is that you can get so impossibly frustrated with them but there is no outlet for it. I've done it too, the "what?! what could you possibly want!?" and it just makes you feel like the worlds worst person and not in control which as an adult you should be.

Spending time with other mums is important, baby groups are an invaluable resource! I have a little group I meet with now for coffee and it blew my mind that they were all finding it as frustrating at times as I am. Facebook makes it look easy

Everyone needs an outlet for their emotions and everyone needs a break. Can you arrange childcare for one morning a week and use that time to do something for you?

[1Madhouse]

Short answer here but can you beg borrow or buy a jumperoo !!! A godsend so you can get things done and give baby some play time.

[Millie3030]

Wish I had written on here sooner, your advice and comments are brilliant and have made me smile and laugh.
To answer some questions unfortunately my kitchen is absolutely tiny so can't fit a highchair in there, can barely fit 2 people in there so he can't watch me cook etc. but we are hopefully moving very soon as I think this adds to the stress, he can only eat in the lounge which has a carpet floor :-/
I have an activity centre, like a jumperoo, he can jump and play with all the dangley toys, and I do get 5 minutes occasionally. My lounge is like a play rotation for him, 5 minutes in his activity centre then cries, 5 minutes on the playmat on the floor, 5/10 minutes in his walker, then in the donut ring thing, then on the floor with little toys, saucepans, whisks, Tupperware etc. Before anyone asks, I too sometimes think maybe the reason he whinges is because it's too much stimulation, so we have really quiet days with just wooden blocks, shape sorters, stack cups etc and I whisper and keep everything quiet and it does not make the blindest bit of difference. It's like he has a 5 minute focus then goes "Waaaaaa!" I'm bored give me something else.
He is much better being walked around in the pram and looking at things, I wish maternity pay was on full pay, I would push him round the shopping centre and buy 1 thing a day!! :-)
Probably can't afford a nanny unfortunately (how much are they?) and nursery will probably be a bit of a stretch, but I am considering asking my mum if she will have him one day a week, worried she will wonder why. Although I am starting to think she knows something is up, as she randomly turned up yesterday and I think she is keeping a bit of an eye on me. I just find myself putting on a massive brave, 'totally coping face'.

As thankfully so many of you have felt the same, did any of you stop at just one baby and think it was the best decision? Or anyone have a second and although you love love them dearly, think it probably would have been better to stick with one? Very hard thing to ask I know, sorry, but you have all been so honest and helpful, it's like I am in a counselling session Xxxxxx

[DonkeysDontRideBicycles]

Do you know, admitting babies are hard work is nothing to be ashamed of, be honest with your mum, say it's very full on and tbh some days it's tough.

[CailinDana]

Forget about the second baby, focus on the one you have! If him eating on the carpet is a problem put him/ his high chair on a shower curtain before letting him make mess.
Don't cook during the week - cold lunch and frozen dinner.

[waterrat]

Blimey op there is no reason that something would have to be 'up' for you to want a break from your baby - tell your mum you are finding it hard an would love a break and time to yourself. Even if its just a morning spent reading magazines in a cafe or swimming ...

As I said before - being alone all day with a baby is not natural and is very alien to the way most women have brought up children for tens of thousands of years - and still do, with large extended family around the world

Remember that having a break from a 7 month old doesn't mean you will find other stages as hard - my son learning to walk was an absolute revelation for me. Suddenly they can walk off and play with other children or choose where to be

Personally I wouldn't bother with quiet days at home I think he will be fine as long as you are ok - plan a day you will find interesting and take him along - before modern industrial society babies would have just been taken out I the field or wherever and put down or carried while mum worked ....

Talk to your mum - any woman who has had a child will understand , you shouldn't feel it's something to be ashamed of

[omuwalamulungi]

I have the same kitchen issue and it is a huge pain. I've just given up worrying, clean up as best I can and will borrow a carpet cleaner at a later date! We aren't doing blw though so not quite as messy. Shower curtain on the floor is a good idea.

Don't take it badly that your mums keeping an eye on you, you're her baby too you know. Please ask her for some help, I'm sure she'd be happy to have some grandma/grandchild time. Isn't it strange how when it comes to our babies we can feel like asking for help is a failure whereas in almost any other case we will ask for whatever help we need. There's a lot of pressure on mums that you don't realise exists until you're feeling it.

[manechanger]

I had a second one by accident and now have four. Number two was really hard then really good. The best thing is once you are past the first year (again) they play with each other. I think 5-10 mins of attention is normal at this age. It gets gradually more as they get older but it's something that develops as their brains do. That's why this stage is tough. I agree with others. Just say to your mum you are knackered and could do with a day off, you don't have to say anything else. All her 'do it this way' stuff is probably her reaching out and trying to help as much as she can. Give her a way to help without being such a pain, really you're doing her a favour.

[BotBotticelli]

OP i have lots of sympathy: my DS was EXACTLY like yours. I found the first year of his life incredibly difficult. And ignore the person up thread who said as long as he eats/sleeps well he cannot be 'difficult'....she cannot have met my DS!

I found the weeks leading up to him crawling (on his belly like a wounded soldier) at 8mo were the absolute PITS. He was always a grizzly, cry-y frustrated baby but the 7-8mo period was another level of grim.

How I coped was: going out the house twice a day, every day, come rain or shine. At that age DS was having 3 naps per day, 45 mins each: 9.30am, 1pm and 4pm, so I would go out as soon as he woke up from his nap at 10.15, come home for lunch and his nap, and then go out again in the afternoon, he would normally catch 40 winks on the way home, and then dinner/bath/bed.

I searched on netmums (eek, sorry MN!) for lists of baby and toddler groups locally. There are loads in church halls which are v cheap or free. Your local Children's centre will run some. There's rhyme time at the library. I live in London and there are 3 libraries near me running rhyme time at different times throughout the week. Sometimes I went to all three! I would go to parks, shopping centres, feed the ducks, meet friends, visit MIL on her day off work, visit other family members. It was like a military operation to plan such bsuy stimulating days to stop DS whingeing. I also totally get what you say about your LO ot being cuddly....i posted on here a few times and lots of women were like, if your baby is crying pick him up. or buy a sling. he didn;t wanna be held. He wanted to be entertained...!

Here's the good bit though: he is now 14mo. He started walking at 12mo and since then it has been like he has had PERSONALITY TRANSPLANT. he is so happy now, and bootles around playing by himself, walks aroun the different baby-proofed rooms of our flat creating a massive mess all day but is generally a happy little soul. I have even spent the afternoon in the house recently! It is like he is a different baby. I think in my heart he has wanted to walk like a big boy since he was about 4 months old!
I also went back to work when he turned a year old, 3 days per week, and I am SO HAPPY to have some adult company and to do something that's in my comfort zone and which I feel I am good at. If we ever have another baby (and honestly, I am not sure we will ever do it again, for fear of another year like we have just had!) i will be going back to work after 6 or 8 months at the most.

Hang in there and don't be worried this is you, or something you're doing wrong. If you havent got a baby like ours, then you can't possibly understand what it's like

x

ps - i did also develop PND and after talking to the HV was referred for a course of CBT which was helpful. One of the things my counsellor recommended was finding a little time in the week to DO WHAT I ENJOY . It makes a real different to your mood if you can get away from this situaiton with your baby once a week. Is there a council run leisure centre near you with a creche? you can often put a baby in such a creche for an hour whilst you have a swim, cuppa/cake. Wish I had known about this facility when my baby was younger. Ask your mum to have him or a morning a week so you cna re-group. Failing that, tell your DH that you need a morning every weekend to go and do your own thing. It will help.

[Millie3030]

Thank you all again, and BotBoticelli your post has me hoping my little guy will be the same and will be happier moving around, he sounds exactly the same, I think he desperately wants to walk, crawling will help but I think he would LOVE to walk. Today I asked my mum if she would have him for a few hours, she jumped at the chance so I'm now at home, house is tidied, I have just eaten a sandwich, and I'm about to drink a cup of tea hot!!! Can't believe it. (Would put one of those smiley icons below but don't know to do it)

For the poster that said if they eat and sleep I should be happy, I can understand what they mean as so man poor mums are waking several times a night well beyond 7months so I seem like a right *** for saying I'm finding it hard! but I agree unless you have a baby frustrated in their own skin you can't understand the frustration you feel as their mum as you can't help them! If I could have him on my lap I would happily pass him toys all day, but he just writhes to get that toy, pull this, get down, roll over and is physically uncomfortable being sat still or cuddled. I used to love giving him the dreamfeed as he would fall asleep in my arms and I would just hold him for ages, sqeezing him and kissing him, it was the only time I would have him calm on me and I loved it.

My husband laughs that our LO is a bit of a 'drama queen' and in the 4 minutes you can be making his porridge for breakfast he can have a full scale meltdown, screaming, red face, head buried in floor, kicking legs etc but then go back in give him a different toy and he is happy again! maybe he will be the next George Clooney when he is older, I hope he thanks me in his Oscar speech.

[omuwalamulungi]

I'm so glad you're feeling better

[DonkeysDontRideBicycles]

Great to read, glad you feel brighter .


Fwiw for a smile, open a square bracket [
Then type smile
Then close with a square bracket ]

[minipie]

millie your DS sounds a lot like my DD (except she was a terrible sleeper to boot). Needed loads of stimulation, not a baby that could be left to play on their own. Constant rotation of activities in the house to keep her amused.

Fast forward to now - she is toddling and she is actually a lot easier than many children. She is so interested in everything that she can happily entertain herself pottering around for quite a long time (provided she has had enough food and sleep and isn't teething or ill....) and she is also great at any sort of social gathering or playgroup because she just loves to be surrounded by new places and people.

It got a lot easier once she was mobile (crawling) which happened at about 9 months I think for us. once she was mobile she could entertain herself. Hang in there.

..............Ok I have just read BotBoticelli's post and we are saying exactly the same thing!

[MigGril]

Some babies are just hard work. My eldest who is now 6 years old was just the same but also wouldn't sleep.

I agree with everyone who's saying get out as much as possible. if you have a local children's centre they are great and often run age targeted groups. we used ours loads. also went to several toddler groups, I'm not madly keen on them but DD was always so much easier when out that it was worth it. My local NCT group, was also fantastic. Not my class group they made me feel rubbish. but the general coffe morning group who had mixed age children where much more supportive. And the local library singing groups to. anything to get out the house really.

She was a much happier toddler which was a relief. I found the toddler years with her easier then that first year. I didn't go back to work for finance reasons and I now think if I had I would have missed the best bit with her.

I wouldn't worry about having another child yet. I didn't feel ready until she was two and DH took a bit longer. luckly for us DS was a much happier baby, I'm finding the toddler years harder with him though.

I look back now and think I probably did have postnatal anxiety, although never diagnosed. I never ticked the boxes for PND but I didn't know anything about postnatal anxiety then. I now know it's actually more common then PND but isn't screened for. And as I've had anxiety recently which has been diagnosed I realise that is how I felt then to. it would have been better off it had been pick up then but I did manage to sort it out myself then, but getting out lots help that and finding some good supportive friends.

Good luck and I hope you find things get a little easier soon.

[NessaWH123]

Hi i would liket o say that i totally understand where you are coming from millie 3030 as i feel the same. My son is now 11 months and i am going back to work in afew weeks. The last 11 months have been a rollercoaster and this thread has really helped. My little on has never
been a plonker and very demanding. Crying and whinging for 9 months and never happy to watch or play. In he last month he started to become more interested finally in playing but is still high maintenance. I have to go out everyday to protect my sanity and do find being in the house very hard work and boring. Listening to him all day can be so hard work. I to think i have PND and some days i feel better than others. I have a pop up ball pit and jumperoo that help and he loves his walker. He still isnt crawling at 11 months and gets very frustrated so i hope he settles more like others have said their children have when he finally is on the move!! He gets so easily upset, whingy and now tantrums throwing himself backwards which is a nightmare and at times i dont know what to do next, feeling very low and emabarrassed when i am out and about as many others dont behave like he does. I try to stay calm and ignore the behaviour or distract him. x