Concerned about some of ds' comments

[Nicol06]

I have a lovely ds who will be turning 6 in a couple of months, he's in his first year of school. As far as I'm concerned we have a good relationship and he is very much loved by both myself and my dh. We are affectionate with him, I dedicate a lot of my time to him and he doesn't want for anything, so basically he is the light of my life :)

Anyway I am concerned by a couple of things he's said recently. A few days ago he said "If you and Daddy weren't here, if you went to heaven and I was still here, I'd be ok. I'd look after myself." It was something to the effect that he would just do what he wants to do if dh and I weren't here anymore, but strangely enough he seemed 'ok' with the idea. Then I asked him a couple of days ago whether he would miss Mummy if I wasn't here, and he said 'No'! I felt so hurt & taken aback by it. He wasn't in a bad mood or anything, it was just general conversation. I tell him every day that I love him and he always tells me he loves me too, so I really don't understand this. In every other way he seems fine and he's quite a happy, jovial child, but I don't understand how he can be so cool, calm and collected by the thought of his parents being gone permanently :(

I told my friend about it today and she feels that he should've displayed more emotion about the thought of losing his parents. She said her own son (7) became very upset once at the thought of anything happening to her. Now I'm a bit more concerned about it but don't know how to interpret what he's said or why. He's a very independent child, always has been, but I would've thought that at his age, his parents would be the centre of his universe. Can anyone give me any thoughts on this or whether their own children have seemed 'detached' about something like this before? I keep thinking about it & wondering why he feels like this :(

[Jimjamskeepingoffvaxthreads]

Is this handbags at dawn? Is it really worth arguing about? Go and read my "stop arguing blah blah" thread (in Other Subjects). Or don't, if you don't want to. But the film is good. (and I'm sure I'm pissing people off by plugging it everywhere, but it is more constructive than a silly argument),

[Tinker]

[sandyballs]

Children of 6 vary hugely in their understanding of death I think, obviously depending on what they have experienced and it sounds like your son doesn't understand how final death is and what it would actually mean for him, which is perfectly normal that young.

I have twin DDs who are 5 and one of them jokes about dying and is very casual and relaxed about it. Her sister, however, frets about it quite a lot - asking me who would look after her if me and DH die, and how likely is it that I will die before her, etc etc.

Try not to worry too much. He sounds very secure. It's not an indication of how much he loves you or how much he would miss you. I wish my worrier of a DD was more like him.

[suzywong]

I saw the film JJ, new perspective and all that indeed

[Nicol06]

ER... ok think it's time to call it quits. Thanks everyone who responded with something positive/helpful, I appreciate it. To those who like to stir and be unhelpful (WHY??), perhaps you can go and hop on another thread now and see who else you can 'assist' :)

I guess I should've spelt out the fact that I did not ask ds whether he would miss me because I'm 'needy' (thanks fairymum) but I simply said it to him in a light-hearted way following his comment about dh & I going to heaven. For example, "Aw... wouldn't you miss Mummy if she was gone?!" I didn't realise there was anything remotely wrong with saying that. I know he loves me and I also know that he's only 5, but surely I'm entitled to ask other parents for their opinion if I'm unsure about something? For heaven's sake.

Twiglett - interesting to see your last response to me. After doing some lurking, I've noticed that a lot of your responses to people on this board seem to be just plain abrupt and very blunt. Not sure why you want to come across that way, but that's entirely up to you I suppose. Amazing that some people want to be rude to others who are just asking for help..? Nonetheless, all the best to you.

[Twiglett]

[Twiglett]

oh piss off

[Nicol06]

Thanks sandyballs :) He is a happy & secure little fellow. I guess I should be grateful for that much. Children are all so very different, in their natures, aren't they.

[cod]

i love twig
nicol you are onto a loser htere

[suzywong]

[ernest]

my ds often gives contrary responses. If we go for a day out/visit relatives/go to the cinema eg, I might ask did you enjoy yourslef/have a nice time? Ds1 always answers yes, it was lovely, I really liked blah blah blah. Ds2 (similar age to your ds) nearly always gives an emphatic 'NO!!' (it was rubbish/boring etc) even when he has genuinely had a brilliant time & loved every minute. Sometimes I put it down to being cross/disappointed the fun had to come to an end, sometimes just out of habit, sometimes just cos he's a contrary so and so.

But I have learnt not to ask questions I know he'll answers daftly &/or learnt not to get annoyed or upset by his 'incorrect' response.

Honestly, your friend is silly to wind you up & you shouldn't pay so much heed to these things. He's 5 years old.

I wouldn't ask him such things again, just to see if you get the 'right answer' this time, you'll end up giving the poor child a complex that something is going to happen to you.

[Nicol06]

Fair enough. Didn't really think of it that way, but thanks ernest. Will avoid the subject in future and assume that he's obviously going to say some unusual things occasionally, which I will attempt to ignore :)

[suzywong]

is it Merrydown?

Oh Nicole, the thing is old MNers tell it like it is, and if the OP gets a bit precious about having an opinion from a strong personality then it just brings shallow shit stirrers like us out of the woodwork.

Let's call a truce, dispense with the "some people" talk and hope for a better accord on future threads we may inhabit together.

Cheers

[cod]

i was wondereing

[Nicol06]

No problem suzywong. Geez it's a nest of vipers in here :) Only kidding................

Really do appreciate the input, at least I've gotten SOME help out of this. Thanks everyone. Will remember come in wearing battle armour though next time. :)

[suzywong]

Cool

[Tortington]

hardest girl on MN? i take fcking offence

[suzywong]

hello Custy
How's your new Tat? Did the bootpolish take in the compass scar?

[Tortington]

i dont know what you said southerner - but i bet it was not nice

[Twiglett]

I'll have you know I was bloody helpful till you got my back up ..

but then I suppose sometimes I can come across quite bluntly so I shall hold out a shaky hand of friendship in the spirit of mumsnet

anyhoo I feel guilty for the piss off comment which was, probably, a step too far

[hunkermonkee]

Shit the row's over and I missed it