I think I have an anger problem...

[HankeringForSun]

Am I the only one who loses it? Do you feel your temper on a daily basis with your kids? Even if you don't lose it? How calm do other mothers stay when their kids REALLY wind you up?
I grabbed DS, aged 5 today, really hard and swung him round because he mimicked me when I was trying to talk to him about not biting his sister, and throwing stuff around. I felt the force in myself. My temper. Horrible.
Help!
I feel so so awful. I have scared myself too many times. Am I the only one?

[ohcluttergotme]

Completely agree that it's not always about parenting. I have dd (13) who was an absolute delight & do easy to parent, I thought I had the parenting thing cracked. Now have ds (3) who is an absolute nightmare but great for everyone but me. He just knows how to push & push my buttons. Dd is now a nightmare so I'm hoping when ds is a teenager he'll be a breeze!

[Hoopsadazy]

From what I hear, boys are testing when young and then tend to be easier as teens and girls are the opposite.

Huge generalisation, obv!

My friends with girls the same age seem to be confused as to why when I shout at DS he doesn't just burst into tears to see me so upset like their girls do............!!!

He just stands there and laughs at me usually or pushes even harder.

Perhaps it is an emotional empathy thing?

[Possiblyoutedled]

I shouted my way through three boys and am now a shouty mum if girls.
I sometimes feel as if I'm going mental with rage as dd is so cocky but you are right she gets upset that I'm upset whereas the boys would be found on their games consoles as if nothing had happened.
I don't know why I'm so angry because my mum wasn't like that at all.

[mummy2benji]

Yes I have had that 'red mist' descend too, which I never had prior to becoming a mum. At times it has really scared me as I've felt myself come close to losing it entirely. I have a ds too (4) but have had the odd similar moment when dd won't stop crying (4 months), usually in the evenings if dh is working late or on nights and I'm desperate to have a bit of a break. I can't say I always respond well in these situations and have frequently shouted at both children, but I think it is very important to recognise in yourself when you are no longer in control and must leave the room to regain some composure before you behave in a way you'll regret. Most of us lose our tempers and shout, but if you are having a moment where you think you could actually hurt your child, you just need to go next door / outside / shut yourself in the bathroom for a minute to calm down. I have found retreating to the kitchen and throwing something non-breakable helped! (Not when ds could see me).

[ohcluttergotme]

So far that's definitely been my experience hoopsa, so i am desperately hoping for an easier time of it when ds is a teen. Also feel I couldn't have the stages any harder at the moment with them both.
That is exactly what my little boy does when he gets a row, laughs, makes a joke, I only had to speak sternly to my dd & she behaved. Oh it's hard isn't it? x

[Fishandjam]

Just placemarking as I don't have time to post fully now - but I am also a red mister (and a sobber-in-the-bathroom-away-from-DS). Back soon!

[PoshPaula]

I have found this thread so comforting. I shout, I lose it, as my two are so very testing (aged 4 and 2). I feel awful every time, guilty, tearful, etc. and I try very hard not to lose my temper. I was the same with my much older boy, when he was little.

[NickECave]

My DDs are 6 and nearly 3 and I disagree about boys being more challenging - my 6 year old is an expert at pushing my buttons. She will completely ignore instructions eg. not getting ready for school in the morning, although this is now the third year of the same routine of going out to school and she know exactly what she should do. Her younger sister copies her but I'm better at dealing with her, probably because I've already experienced this stage once before, whilst I have higher expectations of the 6 year old which are often not met. Both I and DH had fairly strict upbringings but are fairly relaxed parents ourselves (although we do set firm boundaries and expectations). I constantly find myself thinking, if I behaved towards my parents the way DD1 often behaves towards me they would not have tolerated it. My father had a very short temper and sometimes hit us as children, so I am determined not to use smacking myself, but I recognise the "red mist" feeling only too well.

[bedhaven]

Phew...also feeling better hearing it's not only me. I totally lost it today, the biggest tantrum which was way in excess of the trigger. I just couldnt calm down, even locking myself in the downstairs loo screeching to be left alone so I could cool off. Only to escalate quickly for the smallest reason. I do try and be careful of what words I scream but the ferocity is frightening. I feel like I am imploding.
How can I calm down in the face of sustained whinging from DD 2 years?
On the plus side, I didnt throw anything :(