5 yrs on I have concluded I am not suited to having two children, how do I turn my thinking around?

[teller999]

I have two daughters, 14 months apart, now 5yrs and 4 yrs. They are wonderful children.. but. I find the noise, the lack of ability to concentrate on one of them. the squabbling all too much. The younger one will still cry loudly so that I cannot understand what she is saying if the two of them squabble. Yes they do play together, they are developmentally not too far apart (but you can see the difference). They like the same things. But I feel anxious when I pick them up from kindergarten every lunchtime (we are abroad) and I have the afternoon everyday with both of them. I shout far too much and ge irritated with them. I was trying to put english telly on for them yestrday on the computer through the telly and it was not working an They started to mess around and I ended up shouting, I just feel the tension rising in me . Everything feels stressful. I enjoy playing card games with them and it is about the only thing I do enjoy.

I need to change my attitude, see things differently. i get every morning alone so I am sure a lot of people would say why are you not happy.

[QTPie]

I think that you need to hang in there - it will get better.

I also think that you need to take them out more - anywhere: park, swimming, walk, library etc. Staying in is often the route to squabbling and tension etc.

QT

[MacMac123]

Why don't you organise more full time childcare, get a job or something and start building your own life? You'll have less time with them but spending every afternoon or all day with kids isn't for everyone. Then maybe you'd enjoy them more. And happier mother = happier kids (apparently!)

[MacMac123]

Ps getting every morning alone isn't necessarily the answer if you generally feel your life is without direction (dunno what u feel but just offering that!)

[PhyllisDoris]

Hang in there. My DDs are 18mths apart, and are very close as teenagers. We always treated them as pretty much the same age.
The advice to get outdoors is good, but I find it helps to invite more children round too, so they have someone to play with.
I also made sure to give each DD their own special time with me each week.

[teller999]

Thank you for your replies. Yes I need to get out more, I get a bit lazy i'm afraid. We do have two groups a week we go to and sometimes meet up with other children, but I could do more. I have arranged now for someone to come one afternoon a month, whether she will in time be prepared to come more often I don't know.

I really need to do simple stuff like plan the days better, plan meals, plan shopping etc, all the drudgery that takes the zest out of life.

In two yrs time they will hopefully both be in school full time and that will help me a lot. It is such a precious time but goodness it is hard by yourself, DH works long hours.

It is the low level bickering that gets me down and actually this afternoon the younger one played with the boy next door for an hour or so and that was really nice.

I totally agree with them getting time with me and with my husband on their own and really need to do that, especially so for the older child.

I hope they are close as teenagers as that was part of the point of having them close togethe but you just cannot predict.