Anyone have a 3 year age gap between kids?

[IWantToGoToThere]

I have a DS who will be 3.2 when my next DS is born in February. I had always imagined/wanted a gap of 2 years or so between two DC (we are stopping at 2) and in fact had everything gone to plan and I hadn't had a MMC this time last year, we would have had that gap.

I am so happy to be pregnant again and having another child, but I can't stop feeling that the age gap isn't ideal. I keep thinking that when DS2 will be 2, DS1 will be 5 and they won't really play together or get on in later life. DS1 is a very sociable child and loves playing with other kids his age (he is very boisterous and full of energy so is better at playing with kids his age who can match this) and I worry that by the time DS2 is old enough to 'play', DS1 won't want to or they won't have enough in common.

Does anyone else have a 3 year age gap between kids? Do they have a good relationship? Can anyone ease my anxieties about this?!

Thanks

[BeaWheesht]

There are 3y9m between mine - a boy and then a girl. They are now two and five and adore each other

[dippywhentired]

2years and 8 months between my DDs, love each other to bits and play very well together (now 5 and 2). Exactly 3 years between my sister and me, have always been very close. Enjoy!

[Baaartimaeus]

"I guess I just need to let go the idea of the family I always imagined I'd have and look forward to the family I will have"

I can totally relate to this. I always wanted to copy what my parents had as it worked so well. It wasn't until I was pregnant that I realised that I can't control what happens.

[lagartija]

I think it depends on their personalities. I have exactly that gap and they are now 17 months and 4 and a half and they love each other terribly.

[QuintessentialShadows]

Yes. And Yes. 3 Year Age gap is good.

[zipzap]

I would have loved an 18 month age gap (me and sis are 14 months apart) - ended up with a 3 year age gap, currently 7 and 4. And whilst ds1 and ds2 can be each other's best friend at times, they can go within moments to being best of enemies too.

ds1 is good at being gentle with ds2 most of the time, but he does also see himself as his 3 parent sometimes, so is quick to try to step in and tell him off if he thinks he is being naughty or upsets him! But he also likes to watch stuff on tv that's not suitable for ds2, some of which ds2 likes and ends up being a little whirling dangerous karate munchkin because he has seen it on tv, other times he doesn't like stuff and then there are arguments about what to watch. ds2 likes to try to keep up with his brother (doesn't help that he is naturally a late going to sleep kid, awake for much longer than ds1) and not as athletic so struggles with that side of things. Also means that ds2 is used to standing up for himself (and his big brother!) and doesn't hesitate to step in as hard as he can if necessary.

Downsides are also things like schools - they are at different schools (infant and junior) so for the next 3 years it's going to be horrid - a dash from one to the other for drop off and pick up (not such a big deal if you have a primary school) whereas if they were closer together in age it wouldn't be for so long.

however, there are a lot of siblings out there with a three year gap between them - I was really surprised because I always assumed that people would want them just over a year apart so they were at least in consecutive school years - I don't know that many people with a 2 year gap.

[AuntySib]

Not a problem. I have nearly 3 years between the first two, and then a 5 year gap between DS2 & DS3. there were logistical problems when they were very small, swimming was a problem, but otherwise all good. They're now nearly 20, 17 and 11, and get on really well. DS1 &2 played together from a very young age and are each others best mates.

[rhetorician]

well the split parenting will happen to some extent for a while, esp if you will be breastfeeding, but won't last forever

[Born2bemild]

Honestly, no need to worry. I don't even think of it as a big gap at all. Lots of luck!

[IWantToGoToThere]

Wow, thanks everyone. So many responses! I thought the 3 year gap was quite unusual as everyone seems to have a 2 year gap, but I see it's more common than I thought.

It sounds like, personality dependant, the two should get on just fine which makes me feel really relieved. I was really envisaging family holidays ahead where DH would have to take 1 and I'd take the other to do activities as there would be nothing that would hold a common interest. Sounds like that won't be the case which makes me very happy

I guess I just need to let go the idea of the family I always imagined I'd have and look forward to the family I will have - which is much more special as it will be MY family. Thanks to everyone who shared!

[AngelDog]

Ours will be 2.10 years once DC2 arrives in a month's time. So many people have told me lovely stories aobut how good a gap it was, including MIL.

There is no way I could have coped with DS1 and a baby 12 or even 6 months ago. Now I can reason with him, get him to do jobs for me and he is happy to wait for a bit if I need to do something else when he's wanting attention.

[shelley72]

we have an age gap of 2.9 (would have been less if not for MC between). they are now 5 and 2 and they adore each other, always have. they (mostly) play together nicely - DS has recently started school and DD misses him so much. he is wanting a bit more 'peace and quiet' now and doesnt want her always knocking down his lego buildings etc and they do squabble over wanting the exact same crayon but on the whole they are lovely with each other.
i think you will be fine. and anyway, you cant change the gaps you are given can you

[MistyB]

4.5 years between DS1 and DS2 (DD in the middle). The boys are like twins born 4.5 years apart. Well, not at all obviously but they love each other and are very close.

[Baaartimaeus]

This is a lovely thread and very reassuring for me. I would have liked 2 - 2.5 years gap between DS and the next baby but for work reasons (my next promotion) it's more likely to be 2.10 at best (i.e. if TTC works as quickly as the first time around!).

I want a shorter gap purely because it's what I've got with my DB and we get on really well. But this thread has shown me that it's really not an issue damn my mum for saying a 3 year gap is awful and making me question everything

[rhetorician]

these are such lovely stories - I don't know of anyone in my circle of friends with this kind of gap that regrets it; and you know OP, you have what you have. We too would have gone for smaller one, but circumstances didn't permit that. We are lucky to have 2 lovely DDs.

[cory]

This is the age gap between dd and ds, they are now at secondary school (15 and 12) and I don't think I've ever known two siblings to be better friends. He tells her things he doesn't dare to tell us, they go into town together, they snuggle up together to watch tedious TV programmes.

It was hard work when ds was newborn because dd was one of those very full-on children and I had to watch her constantly for the first few months to make sure she didn't break him, but it's been sooo worth it.

We've been through some very tough times as a family and they have been such a support for each other.

[CaseyShraeger]

I have 3.2 years between DS and DD1, then 2.11 years between DD1 and DD2.

I think it works well as an age gap - each time when the new baby arrived the elder child was old enough not to feel pushed out and also wanted to be helpful and go and fetch things and so forth. And DS and DD1 do play together - and I often find when I go to bed that they've snuggled together into one or other of their beds. It's not perfect in every way, obviously - there is a gap in interest level between them that wouldn't be so obvious if there were only an 18-24 month gap, and they fight and argue a fair bit in between the heart-melting snuggling.

[BigBoobiedBertha]

There is 3 years 7 weeks between my two and they get on fine.

It took a while for DS1 to really bother about DS2. He didn't appear jealous or anything and in fact didn't like it if I gave DS2 to anybody outside the family to hold. He wanted me to take DS2 back. However, it wasn't until DS2 started walking and talking that DS1 started to take a real interest. Now they are 12 and 9 and although they are very different people they have a couple of common interests (football and computer games) and they get on just fine. They do have their rows but they make up pretty quickly.

I had thought I would have a smaller gap between them but it didn't work out that way for various reasons and actually things are just fine as they are.

[whendidigetold]

3.10 between my dd's they have always adored each other yes there have been arguments and falling out but they would do anything for each other and always look out for each other. It has been like this since dd2 was born they are now 30 and 26.

[Born2bemild]

Had genuinely never thought of separate University times! Fantastic! Might be able to afford to help one at a time.

[Born2bemild]

Brilliant here. My older child got to have full attention in baby years, rather than having a new baby whilst still little herself. Then younger got the same when older had time in nursery and was that bit more independent. They adore each other.

[Startailoforangeandgold]

It's perfect (3,1) between my DDs
They are 14 and 11 and play together fine.
Still do.

It's down to character and circumstance as much as age.

We live in the country, they have to play together or be lonely.

DD1 is dyslexic and DD2 is totally not. For some games and activities that closes the gap.

My DSIS and I are 2.5 years apart and we fought horribly. We could always fall out and play with neighbours.

My sister is lovely and friendly. I like my head in a book. We drove each other mad.

[KiwiKat]

4.5 years between DS, now 6, and DD, just turning 2. They adore each other, annoy each other, and become better buddies every day. They are so gorgeous together - I can't believe how lucky we are!

[HoratiaWinwood]

2.10 between mine (and planning 2.3-2.5 between DC2 and the next, fertility permitting). Like you I'd planned for closer but suffered early loss.

When dc2 arrived, DC1 was fluent and confident. He had an understanding of what was going on, but hadn't had too long on his own to resent a newcomer.

Now they are 4.4 and 1.6 and can play together. There are frustrations but they definitely have a large overlap of interests.

[nipersvest]

mine are 3.5 years apart in age. we tried for the gap to be closer, but 2 m/c's meant the gap became bigger. they have a really good relationship, youngest is a ds, and although he does get on dd's nerves occasionally, on the whole, they get on. they were snuggled together under a blanket on the sofa watching tv after tea today, quite cute really until ds trumped!