Let's hear it for large families

[christie1]

I had my fifth baby this year and if I hear one more time "I don't know how you do it" or a look of horror on faces of other mothers, I will scream. I know they don't get why I want lots of kids. I don't get why anyone just wants only one but I keep my judgements to myself. Any other mums out there relate?

[zaphod]

Well, certainly there is an element of 'you must be mad' implied in every 'I don't know how you do it' comment, but I have never sensed any malice. Probably it's different here in Ireland where most people my age come from VERY large families. My husband is one of eight.

Someone said to me though, that they were relieved that I gave up work, as my having so many children and working too, made it harder on everyone else.

I'm still not sure what she meant by that.

[MarsLady]

Thanks Zaphod. I'm now gonna be hated across the country. lol

For those of you who think it is a compliment, you clearly haven't been on the receiving end of those comments from the many people who don't mean it as a compliment. Just because you are admiring doesn't mean that everyone is. It's not about being prickly, I'm pretty sure that there are comments that you hear about yourselves or your own lives that bug you cos you've heard them once too often. Trust me, I'm pretty laid back and I've heard all sorts in my time. But every so often someone pops up and try to make it your fault that they aren't up to the task they never got.

[handlemecarefully]

I'm jealous. Too cowardly to have more than two (but kind of fancy the idea of 3 or 4)

[zaphod]

I have five children, 22 months, 3, 7, 9, and 10, and used to work part-time, 3 days a week. I am currently on parental leave, but work as a clown at the weekends.

Since I have been on parental leave, I kind of miss the 'I don't know how you do it' comments. I also feel that I now have no excuse for the house being like a tip, and the garden like a wilderness.

More importantly, I now realise after reading Marslady's comments that since I stopped work, I have been much more lenient on the children, who used to have set chores as well as responsibility for their own rooms. That must be why, although I am home more I still never get everything done, much less do things like redecorate, or have a good clear out.

Well, the children are in for a shock tomorrow

[mears]

Have you ever had the comment when you are having a tough time

" Well you chose to have 4 children"

Could have poked my MIL's eyes out

[handlemecarefully]

However - noted, next time I see a mum of a large brood I'll wont compliment them in case they are prickly about it!

[handlemecarefully]

christie1

"I don't know how you do it" is meant to be an admiring comment from mums of just 1 or 2 who are seriously impressed that you can manage a large family - so maybe you should take the comment as it is intended?

[MarsLady]

Queen Eagle respect!!!!!!!!!!!

Just what I would do and have done! {grin] Loving your (lack of) work!!!!!

[Spacecadet]

oh yeah, so you have bedroom shoes too QE??!!!!

[tabitha]

Yep, me too marmar
as do April/May as two of my dds and 6 of my nieces have their birthdays then.

[marmar]

i agree with this as im one of ten. ooooh christmas is so expensive 4 me

[tabitha]

Anyone think that if you're from a big family you're more likely to have a big family?
I'm one of four and have four.

[marmar]

This is just fab my poor dh aint gonna know whots hit him. let you know progress as it arises or not being the case

[QueenEagle]

Marmar, it worked a bloomin' treat! Even though it nearly sent me mad with frustration! Actually it coincided with AF so 4 days of it were out of the question anyway but I didn't tell him that! I did make sure when ahem....normal relations were resumed that it was well worth his while and it wouldn't be in his best interests to stop the new man routine.....I have threatened to put my black pvc thigh length boots and fishnets in the charity shop clothes bag if he starts slacking....

[marmar]

Queen eagle

dose the sex ban realy work i love mn such fab advise dont know how i have ever managed with out you all dont think dh will agree when i try and put ya advise into practice

[Spacecadet]

i have four and would like another, my mum always jokes that out of herand her brothers and sisters she was the only one to have a child, but that child(me) is busy repopulating the whole of east anglia, cheek!

[QueenEagle]

Marslady - you sound almost as evil as me. I make my kids hoover and polish their bedrooms and change their bedsheets and duvets, the older 2 can iron and know how to load the washing machine, and they each make their own packed lunches for school. They each have two chores each morning and night, things like sweeping the floor, wiping the table, loading the dishwasher, emptying the bins, drying the dishes and a rota is pinned to the dining room wall so I can check who's been skiving (as they frequently do)! They are all pretty good at doing them on the whole - have recently had to crack down on dh though who was being a lazy sod, so enforced a sex ban for nearly two weeks and was a general mardy cow and refused to talk to him for almost 3 days. It worked - I came down one morning determined not to even acknowledge his presence and found the washing machine was on, washing was hanging on the line, the bottles had been made up, the dishwasher was on, the 2 little ones were contentedly watching c beebies and dh was doing the ironing - yes you read that right, doing the ironing! I was so shocked I said "wow this is fantastic" or something along those lines before I forgot I was suppposed to be ignoring him! He's been a changed man since! And I'm much nicer to be around now that the sex ban is over.

006 - my car is an 8 seater Tourneo which is a bit like a mini bus with a boot big enough to put my pushchair in without folding it up first. Cost almost £20,000 but well worth it and wouldn't be without it now.

[christie1]

My kids are 8, 6, 5, 3 and six months (with a miscarriage between the three year old and the new baby). I understand most people mean it as a compliment but I ehco the comment, just say , good job or well done without the commentary, like, how insane I must be. People do assume I am stupid because I have these kids and feel the need to lecture me about how to care for my kids usually when I do feel overwhelmed and they sense it and pounce. However I do get alot of postive comments too, I just needed to rant a bit. tHanks. I also agree, with all these kids, they are expected to help out and do more for themselves and help me out which is not a bad thing in the long run. I feel so good watching them plan and care for each other and at night them cuddle together as my 8 year old reads to the 3 year old. Makes it all worth it.

[ghost]

i had tree under 3 ( now three under 4) - when i frist went out with all three for the first time, I could not have had more attention if I have been a two headed freak. The wispering and looks, often not very subtle ranged from pity to contempt in most cases - some people were kind but definitely in the minority. In that post pregnancy, slightly disheveled, disorganised, sleep deprived state that many of you may recognise. When three weeks after the birth if my third I was recovering from a really bad case of tonsillitis you could tell that some people thought that I had no education, claimed benefits and probably had different different fathers for my children( that really bad fly on the wall/ tv soap stereo type! It seemed to me that many people who talked to me who only had one or two children felt the need to lecture me on the financial benefits of only having two children or one, and how in families with three children how one will always be left out( how they know that I dont know a. because they are one of only two and b. as their are many factor which will affect siblings, personality, age gap, gender etc). ( ironically many of those with on one other sibling had some sort of contempt for them). I can see the merits of having only one child, and I can see the merit of having only two, but for me three was the magic number ( well sort of I would have loved four really, but I had a scare with my third and I realised how lucky I had been so now I am happy with what I have. live and let live I say.

[ggglimpopo]

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[rickman]

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[aloha]

When people say "I don't know how you do it" it's a compliment! Do please take it as one. If people look horrified it's not because they think your family is horrific but because they think about how badly they would cope.
I don't know how you do it without being a screaming harridan, and yes, that says much more about me than any of you (!), and I'll also admit to a twinge of envy that you have lots of lovely children. I think most of the people you complain about feel the same way as I do - amazed, awed and quite often, a bit envious too.

[rickman]

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