Older mums............views welcome

[stripeytiger]

Im 44 and have dd who is almost 8 and ds is 6. I have quite a few friends, work colleagues etc who are the same age as me but who have much older children and sometime I feel in a bit of a wilderness.

At school the other mums are much younger and seem far more "kiddy orientated" than me. They eagerly chatter away about the school fete, this that and the other, and frankly it bores the pants off me and I shy away, preferring to lurk in my car rather than join the group at the school gate. DCs go to a very small school (33 pupils in total).I adore my dcs but sometimes i feel so out of place when it comes to mixing with the other parents.

If I had my time over I would definitely have started my family earlier. Just wondering if anyone feels the same? Perhaps I should just chill out but even my daughter's teacher I think is young enough to be my daughter

[liahgen]

yep, definately chill.

Why don't you go say hello? Maybe you'll find they're just a bunch of mums who you actually have something in common with.

I'm 42 ans lots of the mums at our school are a bit younger, between 30 and 40, you're as old as you feel. And quite a few of us still have littlies in prams so will be even older at the gate soon.

You never know they might be a friendly bunch and you might end up having a laugh.

[hocuspontas]

Dd3's yr3 teacher was young enough to be my grandaughter!

I've never really noticed how much older I am than the other mums, but I think you either click with them or not and it's not necessarily got anything to do with age. Sorry you're feeling left out.

[hester]

Hey, you're a spring chicken compared to me! You need to move to my area - the mums round here are ANCIENT.

Seriously, I do know how you feel - yes, I would like to be ten years younger - but there's not much we can do about it, is there? So let's resolve to make the most of it and try to enjoy ourselves a little.

Would you have enjoyed the company of these mums a decade ago? Or are you just unlucky in not having a wider group of peer mothers to take your pick from?

[stripeytiger]

Thanks for those replies. Don't get me wrong, I'm not some boring frumpy old fart....well I hope not . Many say I look at least ten years younger, I certainly don't feel 44 and am actually very young and childish at heart.

Perhaps it's more to do with the clicky nature of the others. My dd has been at the school for 7 months now and hasn't settled very well and that makes me very sad. Because of a divorce, house moves and new marriage poor dd has changed school a few times but has always slotted in and been really happy. This time its as if she can't break into the close knit family school and I feel the same. The other parents are certainly nice enough but it seems hard to be accepted into the inner circle!

[stripeytiger]

I think the latter Hester. Sorry this wasn't supposed to be a moan, just wondered how other older mums feel really.

[hester]

Excuse me if I'm crossing a line, stripeytiger, but it sounds as though you've been through a lot. Are YOU unhappy? Could that be creating a distance between you and others?

[elvislives]

Well I was 27 first time round at the school gates. All the other mums were older than me and very cliquey

By the time my youngest goes to school I will be 48

I don't think age is as much to do with it as personality. But what else is there to talk about at the school gates other than banalities?

[IotasCat]

I don't think it's your age, it's your outlook/interests. Women of all ages do our PTA stuff like school fetes and equally women of all ages don't

[piscesmoon]

There always seem to be masses of older mums-I sometimes think it is the really young ones who feel out of place! I agree that age hasn't got much to do with it-it is more to do with personality.

[liahgen]

have your dc's picked out anyone whom they would like to come over after school at all? Maybe that would be a way of getting to know the other mums?

[Firawla]

no reason you can't be friends with them, age doesn't have to be a barrier. i am 22, i have a good friend age 40 with a dd similar age to mine, others in their 30s, its not an issue. i think if you get out of your car and go and chat a bit you may find you can get on with them okay?