I get unbelievably scared on my own at night when dh isn't here

[Haylstones]

In the cold light of day I know it's ridiculous but dh has to work away quite often and I'm getting increasingly freaked out at night.
I imagine I can hear and see things and my bed is right next to the door; I have to keep it open a bit in case dd needs me during the night and am convinced there are things out there . Ds still shares our room and I hope across the floor to get him when he wakes up because I'm soo scared there will be someone/ something under my bed.
Last night there really were noises because ds's bedroom door was ajar and a draught was making it move backwards and forwards. I was lying in bed calling out to dd because I thought it was her but there was no answer (obviously) and I then had to get up to check it out and was seriously scared until I managed to get all the lights on.
I also spent about an hour lying in bed with my eyes tightly closed imagining all the ways someobody could get into the house and convincing myself I'd left the door unlocked.

I'm nearly 30, responsible and normally rational person so what is going on?! I'm absolutely fine until bed time when the panic kicks in. I don't know if I'm more afraid of the real threats (burglars etc) or the imaginary ones(Ghosts [shudder])
Dh is due home tomorrow but will be away again some nights next week . He would just quite reasonably) laugh if I told him this.
ANy advice?

[Joolyjoolyjoo]

I used to be a bit like this, and still have an overactive imagination, but as DH has been away so much, and for months on end over the last few years, I have slowly gotten used to being on my own in the house at night.

I do have dogs, but as someone else said they bark at the slightest thing and then I stress about what they MIGHT be barking at...and then that they are no longer barking...

Although now I am not too bad, one night I heard a horrible breathing at our patio doors while sitting up late . They have vertical blinds across them, so I couldn't see out. I tried to rationalise it (switched off the baby monitor- it stopped for a second then started again!) Finally I just went to bed and pulled the covers right up- as everyone knows, this is the best protection you can get. Nothing can get you if you have the covers pulled right up, that's the law. lay awake listening for creaking on the stairs, though, with hammer stashed under the bed. Dad and Dh couldn't understand why I didn't just draw back the blind and look !! Have they never seen a horror movie?? AS long as you don't look you have a chance!

What helps me through the fear is to have a plan- of escape, of attack (I used to have a cast iron alarm clock I reckoned could knock someone out if thrown with force) and of defence (the good old I-can't-see-you-please-leave-me-alone)! I'm also not above having a crucifix and some holy water in my bedside drawer, despite being a pretty lapsed catholic I like the mobile phone idea, though- must add that to my repertoire!

[laura2411]

Hi there everyone, my husband has just gone on his night shift now and im just starting to get a bit scared, i thought i was the only one going through this, its nice to know im not just insane but actually other people go through this as well. i am 23 years old and have 2 kids, i dont how i can overcome this fear. when he goes to work i get so scared and then when i finally decide to go to bed i just lay listening for noises so i can hear if anyone is going to break in. I cant go to bed too early as i panic about waking up in the night when its most likely to be burgalar time, (anthing after midnight), i really dont know what to do now, i dont have double glazing and i cant afford to get it done and i cant have a dog. i wont put music on in bed because i think then if someone did break in i wouldnt hear them, i wish my husband could just have a normal day job!

[willthisdo]

I am exactly the same. At 28 I have NEVER spent the night in a house alone. Either at home with parents, sharing with mates at uni and then moved in with DH.

If I know DH is spending the night away (rare) I go home to my mum's for night (2 hours away )

I had no idea so many other people were like this. I have been beating myself up lately as DH had gone to the pub for the evening and I became convinced that there was someone down in the bedroom end of the house (all on one level - makes phobia Soooooooo much worse) Despite my children being asleep down there I couldn't make myself go and check. Had to call DH home. Naturally there was nothing and I feel awful that I couldn't rise above my fear for the sake of the children.

As a teenager my mum arranged hypnotherapy for me as she was worried about me going off to uni with such anxieties. Didn't really help but apparently I did discribe an incident with a face at a black window. Probably why I have to draw the curtains now before dark.

Good to know I'm not alone.

[Haylstones]

Maybe we should all go to bed with our laptops and the webcam on so everyone else can reassure us that there is nothing there!

[Haylstones]

but the radio might mask the noise of something!!!
I'm just a big scaredy cat

[maidamess]

How about having the radio on very low in the background, World Service or something, so your ears aren't straining for the sound of the hinges creaking .

[onlyjoking9329]

i have no advice as i am the same, but will watch this thread for ideas

[Flower3554]

My Dh has worked away for years since our 3 dc's were small.

Strangely I'm never afraid if there is a child in the house when he's away but I am when I'm by myself which is ridiculous really as the child or children would be our placements which are always babies

[Haylstones]

Alarm is something I think we may consider at some point but atm we are saving really hard for something else.
I know crime happens everywhere but I do feel safe here, it genuinely is irrational fears I have like ghosts, faces at my 1st floor bedroom window etc.
I am under stress btw, but I always have had an overactive imagination so this is nothing new!

[handlemecarefully]

Alarms aren't that expensive given the peace of mind they offer. I just have a simple auditory alarm currently (not good enough, I want a monitored one with panic button and police response). The qotes for installation of my replacement alarm are coming back at £1150 for installation and then there is a couple of hundred quid per year recurrent cost. Sure it's a lot, but many people spend that on holidays etc

[mrsflowerpot]

I used to be like this when dh worked away lots.

If it's falling asleep that's the problem, my top tip is to set the dishwasher/washing machine as you're going to bed, so you know there will be noises and you know what they are. I confessed this to dh once and he thinks I'm loopy but it works for me.

[superjump]

oh dear first post & I killed the thread....

[superjump]

Hi Haylstones
I usually just lurk but felt moved to make my first post in reply to this. I too used to suffer from lots of anxiety about sleeping alone when I was in my 20's (ancient age of 35 now). Similar to you - listening out for noises, thinking of ways people could break in, afraid of ghosts, burglars, rapists, you name it. For me the anxiety got so bad that I would end up having to get up, lock myself in the bathroom (where I knew no one could break in) & run myself a hot bath to sit in for as long as possible. Seems to me your problem could get worse if you dont find a way that works for you to put a lid on things.
Looking back, I was frightened about the way my life was going in general & the anxiety was finding a way to come out because I kept it so well hidden during the day. Do you think the same could be true for you? When I addressed the underlying issues, got lots of exercise during the day to tire myself out, & was able to tell myself repeatedly that my fears were irrational, I was able to move on (mostly! - I know it's possible to be robbed, but lying in bed every night thinking it's about to happen is not normal, you are more than likely never to go through this, so it's not mad to tell yourself it's an irrational fear IMO)
sorry so long - hope this makes sense, my nearly 3 year old is trying to 'sell' me some eggs as I type....
BTW not trying to suggest you have major anxiety issues, hope I havent caused offence, just some of this rang a bell!

[Haylstones]

No problems with being sleepy enough, I usually fall asleep almost immediately thanks to my frequent waker of a ds. It's in the short while before falling asleep and when he wakes me up that are the worst. I love it when he wakes up and daylight is coming in the window cos I can see there's nothing scary

[LazyLinePainterJane]

I think that all you can do is make it easier to get to sleep. A glass of wine, going to bed a bit later, something to make you sleepier, I find watching or reading something funny and lightweight before bed helps.

[LongDroopyBoobyLady]

I take my mobile to bed with me and also "rotate" the DCs to sleep in my bed when DH is away. I have found that a glass of wine helps me nod off a little more easily but am awake at any noise.

I have a dog who sleeps in the kitchen and have to say it's more unsettling having him around as he's just as scared as me at night. He barks at the least little thing!

[Haylstones]

This has made me feel less embarrassed, thank you! The worst part for me is that ds sleeps in our room so I can't have the TV or light on because he'll wake up even more than normal. I keep thinking I should bring dd into our huge bed because then we could barricade ourselves in should anything happen (ok, every night) but I don't because I normally end up cosleeping with 7mo ds (don't think this ouwld be too safe with a 4yo in there too)and she still occasionally wets the bed.
It really is the fear of the unknown tbh. Nobody could fit in our living room windows and the only other way is through the front door (unlikely I hope) or through patio doors, kitchen window or back door so I almost reassure myself that it would be prety hard to get in. We have a 6ft gate at the side that locks at the back although I realise that people could climb over it if they were desperate.
Getting a dog isn't an option .
Does anybody else take their mobile to bed in case they are broken into and they cut the phone lines [irrational]

[murphyslaw]

I hate DH being away too. We back on to a forest and I imagine all kinds of things. We do have an alarm with a panic button which reassures me a little.

I do sleep with my bedside light on and the landing light on too!

[LoveMyGirls]

I used to sleep with a knife under my bed it's only now I'm older I think that would probably have done more harm as my attacker could take the knife and use it on me.

I hate watching crimewatch (dp loves it!)

I don't watch horrors

I sleep with the bathroom light and tv on

And this is with dp in the house, all windows double glazed, 5 bar lock on patio door and a few locks on the front door.

[lonelymom]

Thank god I am not the only one. My DH used to work nights (for 5 yrs) and I never got over my fear (phobia?). When I went to bed (usually in the wee small hours), I would carry all 3 DCs into my (extra large kingsize) bed so I could lock my bedroom door and then put the ironing board in front of it!! I even called the police once as I was convinced that I heard someone trying to get into a window (very windy night)and they came in two cars with police dogs (obviously not a busy night for them!).

Can't give any advice really as I think I tried everything (anti anxiety pills, going to bed really early - I used to get the heebie jeebies from around midnight but I'd still wake up in the small hours).

The only thing that really used to help me get to sleep was having a nice fantasy (not about sex cos you're on your own!) like winning the lottery and working out how I'd spend it or losing my excess weight and thinking of all the clothes I'd buy!!

[MrsSnorty]

I'm the same and I'm single. However, I live in a terraced house so am (slightly) reassured that if something happened my neighbours would hear. Would you consider getting a dog? Or otherwise, I would agree with an alarm - nothing's worth missing sleep over. I barricade myself in everynight by jamming the pushchair against the front door. Completely illogical and haven't admitted this to anyone in RL!

[VickyPea]

I am exactly the same and I am 38 ! I don't worry about the unkown though, just whether someone is hanging about in my garden about to break in and murder us in our beds !! (nice).

Just remember that Peter Kay advert where he tells his daughter on the phone "its not the monsters in the wardrobe you want to me scared of, its the burglars that break in through the windows"!

Sorry but I don't have advice, just sympathy.

[Olipop]

I am EXACTLY the same....a generally sensible 31 year old with a terrible fear of ghosties and ghouls and burglars and all manner of silly things! I also get scared going to see to DS in the night especially when he has nightmares and even more so since we discovered that his bedroom has a blocked up cellar underneath it. When he told me that he was ' a bit scared of the man' I nearly ran away and left him to deal with it on his own! I think he was just talking generally but I am so irrational when it comes to any hint of a haunt!
I can joke about it on here but it can be a real issue so I totally understand where you are coming from xx

[LazyLinePainterJane]

I am like this as well, DH is working away 5 days and nights away a week at the moment and I am seriously freaked out at night. This is despite having neighbours very close, living in a very safe area AND having a dog that would bark if there was someone else in the house, so don't assume that any safety measures will help you as I think the fear is irrational. For me it is people being in the house, even though the dog would tell me.

I have the television on to fall asleep, on quiet but the light makes me feel better, I usually wake up groggy to turn it off and am then tired enough to get back to sleep without being scared, IYSWIM.

I don't know what to say, I have acquired a new level of tiredness while he is away, I just don't sleep well.