How much do you miss home?

[colie]

For those of you who have moved quite far away. Not sure how many miles would be considered far enough away from where you grew up

I have moved about 300 miles away. I have lived in Merseyside now for 2 years but still miss my friends and family. I am quiet by nature and have not made any friends.

i just really miss having another outlet. As well as leaving my family I have also left my inlaws who have known me for 21 years and I miss having a familiarity with people who have know me over a long period of time.

Dh and I discussed moving back home today and he knows how much I would love it. I think/know we will hopefully within next few years. This got me thinking that maybe others leave their hometown and don't miss it.

What do you's think. Do you's miss, on rainy winter sunday afternoons, being able to go to your parents or in laws for a few hours, especially when kids are going stir crazy. I just miss the support so much that I couldn't imagine
the rest of my life, living it 300 miles away from home.

There is a programme on in the evenings about emigrating and maybe, this has got me thinking even more, about how much I miss home. I don't know if I am abnormal. Do others move away and make a new life, then after a few years being away, it becomes too hard to move back home again.

Any feelings or views would be greatly received.

[suedonim]

Good for you, Colie. And you're quite right - don't let any negatives set you back. A good friend or two is out there for you, you just haven't met them yet.

[expatinscotland]

I like sueodnim's line of thinking.

A good one to follow/keep in mind.

[colie]

suedonim-thanks for reply, Everything you have said above is great advice. Have now just contact nct. Thanks.
Will try harder and def invite sum mums back for coffee. If they say no I have lost nothing (new motto_.

It was interesting though, seeing others replies. Also my dh wanted the move, for work reasons, I never did, need to get over that.

Thanks again.

[suedonim]

You do sound not very well settled, Colie. As you have young children have you been to things like NCT Toddler groups to meet people? Lots of NCT's have babysitting circles too. Or maybe your clinic can put you in touch with something similar.

We've moved lots of times and it eventually dawned on me that I had to be the one to make the first moves. No one was going to be beating a path to my doorstep to be friends so I had to be the one to get out there and meet people.

If you're quiet then it can take a lot of courage to make that move but you have to think of the benefits of getting to know folks. Ask people to come for coffee. Most people don't expect an immaculate house and if they do, well, they can just go home again if they don't like it! Make some little cards or slips of paper with your name, address and phone no on, so you can easily give your contact details without having to faff about with bits of paper and pens.

And don't make the mistake I did of thinking you have to be bosom pals with everyone you meet. It took me y-e-e-e-ars before I understood it was ok to just have some people as acquaintences!

[colie]

suedonim-think that will begin to happen. As time goes on "home" will be where I live now. My home city is changing. I suppose that is only natural.

[suedonim]

'Home' is a figment of my imagination now. I left my home area almost 30yrs ago and when I go back I barely recognise it, there've been so many changes. Plus I no longer know anyone in that area so to me, home doesn't really exist anyway. But I'm pretty good at making my current location home.

[colie]

cat64 - I agree that sometimes I pine but not for ontap babysitters. I just think it would be nice to be able to attend a parents night together, to go out for an anniversay meal and a birthday meal. Maybe just two or three times a year. We didn;t ask for anyone to babysit much more than that when I was at home.

I was only asking how others felt about living away from the rest of their family.

I was feeling "homesick" and obviously for this feeling to have a title then it must be a universal feeling, and not just a matter of missing out.

This thread has shown me that some people love living away from "home" and others like me have their "homesick" moments.

[katch]

Sorry I wasn't referring to you as stand-offish, Colie, it's just my theory about me, although I don't mean to be.

Think I should listen to cat's advice re. pining for what I haven't got (and realise that wine makes me maudlin).

[colie]

katch = "if you're quiet and maybe appear stand-offish that's not going to change with the location".

I hadn't thought that this was how people viewed me .

I do try and use the basic "smile at people" to appear socialable rule of thumb!

I have in my 30 odd years in Glasgow made many friends, so my smile has obviously worked in the past.

Flyinglizzards - loved your saying "Home is like having a warm blanket wrapped around you"

[SalLikesCoffee]

Well, I moved countries and although I miss my family a lot (especially now that I've got a baby), I wouldn't want to move back to where I grew up. To get home, I need to fly 11 hours, then another hour connecting flight, then 3 hours drive, so unfortunately I can't visit that often.

I do still love my home town and especially my family, wish I had more support available here etc, but then, I like the fact that I'm "grown up" here, whereas I still feel like a child whenever we're visiting.

It might have to do with the stage of your life that you moved away as well. I don't think if I had to make the choice now I would have done it, but don't regret the choice I made then.

[3andnomore]

moving is not going to change you as such....no...

[katch]

Hi Colie - I couldn't wait to leave the Liverpool area 25 years ago, but now I envy my SIL who has her mother and mine to help with kids, plus my sister is now moving back up north to enjoy the same benefits.

And, now that there's decent shops and cultural stuff up there, I don't get the benefit - I can't abandon the kids with Nana and go exploring on my own, without seeing the 'rellies'.

We lived in London for 10 years, and I was desperate to leave - so we did, nearly 6 years ago, but I still miss my life there, and haven't built up anything like the support and friendship I had then.

Now that I have to get in the car to buy a pint of milk, and I can go for days without saying more than a vague hello to a few people, I can appreciate what I left behind, both when I left Liverpool and when we moved from London.

I suppose moving doesn't change the person you are at heart - if you're quiet and maybe appear stand-offish that's not going to change with the location.

[pointydog]

I don't have a home town because we moved about a little bit.

I miss having ahome town, whether it's a place ot love or hate. I want my dds to grow up with a home town and I really don';t mind if they love or hate it when they are older.

[3andnomore]

hm...motly for me home is where I live...
but doesn't stop me, as I said above, to miss germany/german things at times

[flyinglizzards]

I have moved around a lot. I never really feel at home.
my family, small in numbers are situated very far from me . I miss them.

Home is like having a warm blanket wrapped around you. I miss that feeling and can't remember where or how to find it. You are not alone, may people feel this way, you just find other ways to give you warmth and support through your life.

[colie]

Fimbo; know what you mean about the friendliness thing. Although the liverpuddlians are a friendly lot. I miss being able to speak really quickly. When I do noone except my kids understand me.

My kids are (just turned) 6, nearly 3 and 7 months. So I suppose this is when you most need babysitters support and another outlet. No doubt it will get easier as they get older.
I live in hope .

[colie]

lyniepip-totally agree about not missing places. I just miss family and friends so much. Although I do miss not getting to see Loch Lomond. I also feel the same as you, as in part of my life is missing and I want it back.

My dd has been at school here for past two years, so have met lots of other mums at school gate and at parent and toddlers. I know alot of people to say hello to and possibly pass time of day with them. It just stops there. Nothing more. Maybe I need to try harder. Invite people back for a coffee etc. Just my house is never tidy enough for invites back to it .

Will stop feeling sorry for myself and am just going to learn to really appreciate what I have already.

Thanks for replies ladies. Have often wondered how others feel once they move quite far from home.

[3andnomore]

hm...sometimes I miss Germany and if it was a viable choice, we may would consider it....but at the moment it's out of the question...

thing is, when i visit germany i start to miss some brittish things....and I find german people a little uptight and don't know how to say it....but Brits are easier going

So in short, yes and no, lol

[lynniep]

I dont miss home, although it would be nice to see family more often (and have their help with DS!). I've never missed places, only people - its the distance between us that make the difference. We moved to Oz for 15 months a while back - when it came to the crunch I needed to come home - as in UK - I didnt care where - I just wanted my friends and family back. I didnt need them round the corner, but 10000 miles between us was too much. It wasn't like a big weight off my chest when we returned, but I felt like that part of my life that was missing had come back.

[Fimbo]

I don't like my home city, but would move where my pil are in a flash.

[expatinscotland]

i love my family, but i absolutely hated my home city. the weather is utter shite, all year round. it's too conservative, full of violent gun crime, hot as hell most of the time, huge and sprawling. i could go on.

i left my home city in 1989.

i miss my family like crazy, but i couldn't live in that place for all the tea in china.

[Fimbo]

Sorry Abstract I was typing my message as you posted, didn't mean to sound smug about my dh' job. I should have just said there is no hope of us ever moving back. Sorry

[Fimbo]

I live 800 miles away from home.

I miss it, despite living here for nearly 8 years. I miss not having someone to call on if you need a babysitter or an emergency arises. I do have friends here, but miss my old friends and my family.

Where I live is also very flat and strangely I crave the hills of Scotland. I also miss the friendliness of Scotland and the Scottish people.

I was back home a few weeks ago and it is upsetting when you have to leave again.

My dh's job is fairly secure and highly paid, so the chance of moving back is slim.

[AbstractMouse]

Hi, I do miss it in a way, I moved from Middlesbrough to Hertfordshire and I have been here 4 years now. I'm also quite shy and haven't made any friends, I know people to say hello to, or chat at bus-stops, but no friends.

I do miss home because my sisters are there, I miss it much less now my mum has died tbh. I have no base there now, I miss the good parts of having family close by, but can well appreciate not being there sometimes.

When my Mum was alive I would have moved back in a shot, but now I'm not sure. I live in a nice area (albeit a council estate in a nice area). Now I don't think there would be enough upsides to go with the downsides.

The one thing I do miss about home is the fact that it's so small, it also has great facilites/places to take kids. At home there are loads of affordable playschemes/places to take kids etc. Nothing is more than 30 mins away on a bus.

Here is a nightmare, there are a couple of parks close, but thats about it. To even get to a softplay is an hour on the bus and a walk, no swimming, no accessible kids activities. Fair enough we are close to London but that involves 2 travelcards at a cost of £20 before you have even factored in expenses. For people as skint as us, we are trapped basically.

Sorry about the rant, but I do understand.