Escape from the country

[Cicero1]

I happily lived in central London all my life. Following upon my so called best friend stealing from me the proceeds of sale of my house in Kensington we moved to a small flat in South Ken 17 years ago. I was happy there, but my partner always wanted to live in a house. So we moved to a gorgeous house in the Countryside before Christmas. She loves it but I am unhappy. At the start I shared my unhappiness, but it has caused discord. She says I was depressing and upsetting her. So I have had to pretend I'm ok.
She says she misses Kensington too, but will only move back if we move to somewhere bigger than our old small 2 bed flat. Preferably a house. Way out of my affordability.
She works from home, having her own small business. I am retired.
In Kensington I would spend an hour a day in the gym, have a personal trainer once each week, walk 10,000 steps each day, and eat healthily. I could afford to always eat a breakfast somewhere decent, and eat out reasonably regularly, dress well, take regular breaks overseas and holiday.
Being retired, there were days when I was bored, and sometimes down, (for years I suffered from anxiety and depression), but walking around London would always raise my spirits.
I only have a small pension and invested all my savings in my partner's business. Last year it also needed cash flow support, which resulted me going into considerable debt to help her business. She had promised to repay me within a few months, but her business took a downturn so I am now stuck with the debt I incurred on her behalf that consumes 75% of my pension.
There are no gyms near our new home. Nearest is 25 minutes drive away; and although I have tried to like it, I don't. Walking in the countryside I find hugely indescribably boring. I like to wander around London, looking around shops, and taking numerous coffee breaks.
Strangely even though there is healthy eating here since we moved all I want to eat is comfort food. I'm getting fat and unfit as well as depressed.
I miss Kensington; I miss London; I miss the hustle and bustle; I miss Londoners and the cosmopolitan nature of London; I miss where I used to go for my breakfasts, I miss bumping into people I know. I am very unhappy.
I had to stop sharing my unhappiness but now I am at a point where I do not much feel like carrying on.
If I was not in debt and had all my pension available I would move back to London. As it is I can't afford to until my partner repays me, although this doesn't seem very likely to me to happen soon.
Any suggestions other than taking a pill?

Sorry that your 'friend' ripped you off. It's awful, happened to us with a trusted family friend and it almost cost us our home.
Regarding your situation I have no words of wisdom. U seems like you have supported your partner to start a business, moved house/location, basically everything you could do to support your partner you have done and more. What are they doing for you?

Don't even think about taking a pill. There's always a way

Thank you for taking the time and making the effort to reply. I appreciate it. I don't know. I think she loves me. She says she does. And she seems to want me to be happy. I'm pretty sure she loves me. It's just that I am happy in our little flat in a not such a good area. (It's a housing association block of flats). She isn't. Even though I love her I am beginning to wish she had left me when I lost everything. I am at that stage when I am not much use to the world. I have started looking for a job. If I can get one I can rent a room somewhere in London and start to rebuild a life. Thanks again

Sorry to hear your trusted family friend ripped you off too. It really is heartbreaking I know

Sadly I think there is much more to this than ' just missing London '

It takes time to adjust to living in a new area.

Even tho you are retired, have you taken a huge mortgage to afford the house in the countryside ?

as you say 'I could afford to always eat a breakfast somewhere decent, and eat out reasonably regularly, dress well, take regular breaks overseas and holiday. '
Why can't you afford to do any of that any more ?
or it isn't not living in London that stops you from affording the above, it's the debt that takes up 70% of your pension that has stopped you doing all the above ?

You say you moved just before Christmas ? right now Christmas isn't even one month ago.

You say you think she loves you, then you say you're pretty sure she loves you, but you refer to her as your partner - is there a reason you are not married ?

As I said when I started, sadly I feel there is a lot more to all of this than just missing London. I think you should visit your GP and take it from there.

I agree that being in debt and worrying about money doesn't help. If I wasn't in debt and could still afford to do things I might better settle; although my instinct is not.
We are married, although I am not sure if that alters much.
In London I have always enjoyed:
accessibility of galleries
wandering around the shops
nearby arts cinema
great gym/ swimming options
the river
friends
the general restaurant/ cafe city buzz
diversity
I have found it easier to meet people I connect with - (I was very lonely growing up in a town outside London (quite bookish and awkward/ shy)
theatre
brilliant parks and green spaces nearby
Here there is a town 25 minutes away that has little of the above.
My advice to all Londoners; don't move

At my current age, I had still lived longer in London than I have / did in Glasgow or Devon.

It did take a couple of months or so to settle and make friends in a new seaside town.

There are probably loads of classes going on if there is no gym. Could you not get some dumbells at home and a treadmill, go to classes and do lots of walking - there will be more opportunity with better weather in the spring. There may be walking groups. I live in a village which is an absolute hive of activity for retired people, there is loads to do.

I feel your pain. I'm.15 years In the countryside. Did all the things u did and still very unhappy. My husband won't move and I've 3 kids under 15. I'm moving into the city with my mum next month, I've told him. He will not communicate at all and told me to take the children. I'm doing it for my sanity and mental health. Make the move, u will always get accommodation for the time being in London. I'm missing exactly what u have just described. I feel it's me that wrote that post. Life is not a rehearsal unfortunately. Best of luck. I'm counting down the days for my move.

This sounds awful. I've left london but no way could I live in the country, especially into old age. What about access to the shops / hospital / other essential amenities? Being reliant on a car is very limiting. Could you compromise and move to a town or cheaper city where you could afford a house? Lots of lovely towns with more affordable housing within an hour train ride of london. Good luck?

That was meant to say Good Luck! Not a question mark 🙈

Can you move back?
Even without your partner?
If you are as depressed as you sound, then it might be worth it. You deserve quality of life, and to live somewhere that gives you that. You are as important as your partner.

I know it wouldn’t solve everything, but could you register on a home exchange site and have regular breaks in London with your partner? It sounds like you have a house that many people would enjoy staying in.
You could find yourself regularly staying in a property in London that you couldn’t actually afford just because the owners have a hankering for the country.

Knowing you could be in the city often might help?