Please advise a soon-to-be-single-parent You Lovely Wise MNers.....

[JeremyVile]

I seem to be going round in circles here so anyone with experience of this pleeeeease share your wisdom!
The situation is;
Dp and I have agreed to split after almost 7 years (ok, he hasn't technically agreed but hey).
We currently are still under the same roof - this house is owned by his parents.
I am SAHM.
Our finances have always been controlled by him (by mutual consent)and i dont have any savings/assets at all.

OK, so now i need to know what to do next.
I realise i will need to take some sort of benefits at first until i get things sorted and can then return to work, but which ones?
Im not sure what to do re somewhere to live, is it just the case that i find somewhere to rent, that will accept housing benefit? But do i need to apply for the HB first? Would i even be entitled to it?
AAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH..........
I'm giving myself a headache even trying to work out which things i might need to think about
I just dont know where to start, I have not been in this situation before and the longer this goes on (partly due to me dragging my feet as im in some kind of mental fug about becoming a single parent)the harder i think its going to be as DP/XDP (?) is using the proximity to make me question myself and my motives for leaving (fair enough as all he wants is for us to remain a family), its already starting to get to me a bit, the guilt is kicking in but i do still know that this is the right thing for me and DS, its also the best thing for him in the end too (he just doesn't realise yet).
The bottom line is, i need to get this sorted but right now i cant see the wood for the trees.
Any advice/inspiration would so gratefully received.

[JeremyVile]

Thats really good to hear.

[Ulysees]

not a single regret. I was shit scared as have never lived alone, went form mam's to his. So if I can do it anyone can. I just pay my bills direct debit and have online banking. All my benefits, HB etc.. go straight into bank. I check it at least once a day and am still ok money wise. In fact I'm much better with money than ex.

I'd highly recommend lone parent advisors and they're good if you're going back to work too. Can get you on free courses etc..

[JeremyVile]

Ooh, i didn't know about the advisors at the jobcentre. Thats good, another one added to the list!
Its really lovely to hear a success story Ulysees...are you glad you did it, no regrets?

[Ulysees]

The only way you can apply for benefits whilst still living there is if you are totally living seperately, seperate cooking etc....

[Ulysees]

This is my scenario when I left.
I had to be close as possible to the boys school, no council houses or housing ass. houses available. So, I trawled the estate agents looking for a private house. Moved in here in March 7th. You need to have found a house/flat before you apply for housing benefit. In our borough you're lucky to get a council house as you need a zillion points. I'm happy up to now though and it's close to the school.
Have you been to see a lone parent advisor at your local job centre or job centre plus? They helped me re: benefits. I was in a total fog before all this.
I get IS which is £59.15 per week, £120 child benefit per month, £341 per month for child tax credits. My rent is mostly paid and I get council tax paid. Boys are on school dinners now and free dental, prescriptions etc... I have 2 boys

[Pinkchampagne]

Sorry you are going through this.

You need to go along to CAB for advice on your benefits, and it is also a good idea to make an appt with a solicitor.
You will be suprised how much extra help you are entitled to!

[JeremyVile]

Lolly - I have known things needed to end for quite a long time but the thought of actually doing it and all the difficulties and sacrifices thar go with it have stopped me until now, and now that i've made the decision i can feel some fire in my belly, sometimes i think we just need to remind ourselves that we are capable, we can cope with whatever gets thrown at us.
I'm hoping its a self fulfilling phrophecy, that so long as i believe in my self as an individual and a mother then i'll get there in the end.
Maybe its the same for you?

[Lolly68]

Good luck. Let us know how you get on. I dont know what I would do if we split up. Dont think would be entitled to anything as I work full time - very scary!

[Tinkerbel5]

the CAB are online see if its a help

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/

[JeremyVile]

West London AGBU. Glad to hear they're not ogres!

[allgonebellyup]

dont be scared about going to CAB, they are usually lovely and v helpful.

Whereabout do you live?

[JeremyVile]

Thank you Lulu x
Yes, i've made an appt Speccy - the wheels are in motion!

[lulumama]

no advice, but just wanted to say i am sorry you are going through this and i hope it works out in the end x

[JeremyVile]

OK, i'm going to CAB on Monday [scaredy-cat emoticon]!

[Tinkerbel5]

definately go down to the CAB or welfare rights at your council, they will sit down with you and go through your options, you do have to be in a property before you claim the housing benefit, but if you see one you want the council can do a calculation for you to show you how much rent you will get, dont rent anything bigger than a 2 bedroomed property as you will only get the benefit that suits your needs.

[JeremyVile]

AH, thats a big part of my confusion Tinkerbell, i didn't know if i could apply for these things whilst still being here.
Thanks for that, very helpful.

[onechild]

yep h also followed us out then went to change the locks but a good friend stopped him!

[JeremyVile]

Oh ok.
Thanks for that i'll have a look at housing associations as well then.
Btw, that landlord sounds like a right B'stard.

[Tinkerbel5]

JeremyVile you need to claim Income Support and Child Tax credits as a lone parent, but if you are still in the house when you claim you have to prove that you arent together as a couple, you can go out and privately rent, but a lot of agents now wont rent without a guarantor and at least 1 months rent as a deposit and another 1 months rent in advance, you can go to the council but you will only be offered a hostel, but they might loan you the money for a private rent.

[onechild]

lots of privte dont take hb, we had low income and was in huse rented through agent dp worked for he wasnt paying dp as much as he originally stated we couldnt aford the rent food nothing so applied for hb he laughed and said no i dont accept hb lots landlords dont as hb are not too reliable when it comes down to independant landlords.
Housing assossiation are really clean and tidy cheaper than private easier to get into than council accept hb your cab will be able to give you list of them

[JeremyVile]

done

[JeremyVile]

ShinyHappy - Sadly i think that we are too far gone for counselling, too much burying my head in th sand for too long

Speccy - thankyou for the link, glad to hear it ^can all be down!

[JeremyVile]

Onechild - do you mean that i would only get HB if i was in social housing?
Because otherwise I wouldn't personally go down the homelessness/hostel route - if only because my ds (15mths) has a safe secure home here and i would not take that security away from him only to end up somewhere that couldn't be our home.
I also think i'd feel a bit helpless if i went down that route, i've spent so long being 'led' i just want to take charge of my own life now as much as possible.
Lolly68 - yes, i think CAB has to be my next stop.