Tips for encouraging a three year old to be a flowergirl

[Mog]

Dd has just turned three and is about to be a flower girl at good friend's wedding. The bride is pretty laid back and is cool if dd decides she doesn't want to walk down the aisle on the day (it's a big church wedding). Dd will not be meeting the grown-up bridesmaids until the wedding weekend (the wedding is far from where we live).
I wondered if anyone had any tips about making things go smoothly. I hope I'll be relaxed about the whole thing but ultimately I will be disappointed if she freezes on the day. We've shown her our wedding video and the Tweenies did a bit about weddings recently!!
Anyone been there and can share their experience?

[Earlybird]

DD was a flower girl this past April when she was 3.2. To prepare her, I talked to her about exactly what would happen on the day over and over. We went to the church half a dozen times and "walked the aisle" from back vestibule to front of sanctuary - just as she would be expected to - though obviously without anyone sitting in the church the way they were on the day. On the day of the wedding, my sister waited with dd in the vestibule, and I was seated down front at the end of the pew closest to the center aisle. That worked well because, as she was walking toward me, and I made sure she could see me as she set out. I had her favourite doll with me, and she'd also been told that I would have a special treat waiting for her if she walked to me. So, when she got to me, she got a pack of her favorite sweeties.

So, for us, I suppose the trick was a combination of preparation, rehearsal, and bribery. By the way, she made it down the aisle.... though she refused to go the last few steps to the absolute front where the bride/groom were waiting. It was OK though - she got 95% there, and everyone thought she was precious - which she was. A final tip, make sure you have something for her to play with if you expect her to sit through the ceremony. I had paper and pencils for drawing. Good luck!

[Mog]

Earlybird, what good advice. We won't be able to practice in the church but I will definitely use the idea of a treat when she gets to the front. I had thought I would be at the back of the church to encourage her but as you say it might be best to be at the front so she can see me.

[Earlybird]

Yes, I think she would have clung to me and wouldn't have moved if I had been at the back of the church with her. By being down front, she could walk toward me - which she was more than willing to do. Hope it goes well. Three is definitely very young for such an important "performance"!

[Mog]

Thanks for all the advice so far. Does anyone have any tips for getting littlies to go into photographs in these situations?

[Tommy]

How about - "if you stand there and smile, Mummy's got some chocolate buttons in her bag for you"? It would work with my DS anyway - good luck!

[Bibiboo]

My bridesmaids were my 24 year old best friend and my 3.5 year old cousin - the little one was shy of my best friend because she lived so far away she rarely saw her. In the weeks up to the wedding I talked to her a lot about my friend and how she'd never been a bridesmaid before, so she'd have to help her. I kept reinforcing to her that she was to be a big girl and "look after" my friend for me because she wouldn't know anyone and was coming from far away. I explained to her about the aisle and the people and the registrar at the front (or "lady priest" as little one called her) who would marry us etc.
I promised her she could keep her dress, tiara etc and on the day I'd get her a special bunch of flowers to carry like mine. She was a bit overwhelmed by it all when she first saw all the people but did brilliantly as I whispered to her before we went in "Will you take Kate to the front for me and smile at the lady priest?"
I also had her and friend walk in front of me so she could see her Mum and Gran at the front, not be stuck behind my big dress.
Basically praise and bribery

[Mog]

We're going for a practice in our local church this weekend and the bride is going to show us round the church for the actual wedding on the night before. Great tips everyone. There are two older bridesmaids who dd hasn't met before so I will try to use the idea of dd helping them.
I think I'm more nervous than I was at my own wedding

[marialuisa]

DD did the flowergirl thang last Xmas when she was 2y10m. She held the grown-up bridesmaid's hand and skipped down the aisle no problem. The bride and groom were very chlled and i had a seat in the front pew which was great (had a supply of little bits for her) and DH was at the front as best man.

Concentrating on the "beautiful princess" aspect did wonders for DD-the bride was the beautiful queen and she was jollied through the photos by the groom making gross/insulting comments e.g. " I saw your daddy eating bogeys"...

BTW There's a Topsy and Tim book where they are bridesmaid and pageboy if that would help?

[Earlybird]

Afraid I don't have any good tips for photo success because this is the one area where we were largely unsuccessful. I think there is a definite "window of opportunity" for getting the cooperation of a 3 year old for tasks of this sort. Unfortunately for us, the photographer asked us to be present for photos at a specific time, and then spent about an hour doing various poses with bridal party and family. When they were finally "ready" for us, dd had long ago lost her ability to cooperate. In hindsight, I guess my suggestion would be to get the photos with little ones done first so that it's out of the way.

[Mog]

We had a practice in an empty church today and that went really well. Thanks for that tip.

[babster]

Earlybird is so right about the photos. Dd1 (then 3.5) was flowergirl for SIL last summer. She was fine at the register office, but couldn't handle the photo session. This was held at a local beauty spot and I wasn't allowed to go along with her (no room in cars). Well, she cried and made a fuss and isn't in the photos as a result