Creepy man... am I overreacting?

[lauralou16]

Right so,sorry if Im writing this in the wrong place or whatever... I have a nearly 3 year old little boy,every day we walk the same way to his nursery and on the way there is a lollipop man. For some reason from the first day I seen him he has made my skin crawl. Hes always really REALLY nice to my son,which is fair enough. Except when we walked today he started talking to him and saying that he had seen him the day before in nursery playing in the yard with the toys etc. Like he had been watching him or something? Is it just me thinking that theres something off with him or? Would it sound completely stupid if I mentioned it to the nursery?

[firesidechat]

Please don't do what CandyFlossBrain suggested.

[CandyFlossBrain]

But why not? What did I suggest that's so terrible? Please tell me.

Checking that he's CRB checked - a formality. Plenty of people check that the adults working around their children have been background checked.

Asking other parents what they think of the new lollipop man is also perfectly normal when a new person starts at a school.

And making sure her child knows who is trusted adult and who isn't.

if everything checks out and people are fine with him, the OP can hopefully feel better. It can not be a pleasant feeling to have someone around your child at school when you feel you don't trust them. So it would help the OP to know that he can be trusted ( as far as anybody can be).

[firesidechat]

I suspect CandyFlossBrain may have a very apt user name.

Thanks for doing that for me Maryz, I was so close to saying the same thing.

[firesidechat]

You may just be the second person I report today Candy because of dangerous and terrible advice.

[MadHattersWineParty]

am I overeating?

Yes.

[firesidechat]

He will be CRB checked, so no need to do that.

As for who is a trusted or not trusted adult, how would you do that? As someone said up thread it's much more likely to be a trusted person (relative) who abuses a child than a random on the street.

[MadHattersWineParty]

FFS OVERREACTING

You are though. Big time.

[firesidechat]

In fact all of your post is a load of old cobblers. No one would sensibly rely 100% on a CRB check or other parents instincts to decide if someone was trustworthy or not. Is that honestly what you would do?

[motherinferior]

I have never found my guts particularly good at thinking.

[firesidechat]

I should have added that it's much better to give your children the skills to protect themselves and have sensible boundaries in place, without scaring them half to death with stranger danger.

[georgiatraher]

CandyFlossBrain.
I'm with you.

[Earlgreywithmilk]

fireside chat
I meant mention it to other mums in case they have experienced anything similar. I'm on lollipop mans side!

[pippistrelle]

Asking other parents what they think of the new lollipop man is also perfectly normal

What makes you think he's new?

[Earlgreywithmilk]

motherinferior

I will borrow that next time someone says trust your gut, thanks

[GinaBambino]

Please do not mention it to other mums without some subtlety at least - my dear dad was always friendly to my friends when picking me up from school and to the kids we saw in the street, back in the day when not everyone cried 'paedo' at a man smiling or talking to a child in a queue. Anyway one day, he was waiting at the gates on one of the very rare occasions he came to collect me, he'd had 3 older children go to the school, all the parents knew him, so did the teachers. He smiled at one child who came running out and didn't see his mum straight away. Dad went over to him and tried to tell him to go back to the teacher, before he even opened his mouth a screaming mother came up shouting to stop trying to kidnap her son! Although everyone else knew him, it really dented his confidence and he never picked me up from school again in case someone thought he was dodgy.

It has a real effect on people who really mean no harm and are just friendly. He saw your child playing, I'm sure there were other kids there and he mentioned it as he saw you and remembered that it was a nice memory.

[Chlobee87]

Poor bloke! He's just doing his job. Presumably he likes children if he's a lollypop man. A man who likes children is not necessarily a paedophile which I guess is what you're angling at.

It is absolutely not OK to mention this to other mums. Before you know it, Chinese whispers have turned him into a monster and he's public enemy number one. All for daring to speak to your child. A reputation like that is impossible to shake off, even if there's nothing to back it up.

You are entitled to have your instincts or whatever you want to call them, but you are absolutely not entitled to bring this man's reputation into question publicly (which includes talking to other mums) with no evidence whatsoever. Imagine if this lollypop man were your dad/husband/brother.

Just make sure your DC are clued up on stranger danger and be vigilant, as you would in any situation.

[firesidechat]

I meant mention it to other mums in case they have experienced anything similar. I'm on lollipop mans side!

Maybe you see that as harmless, but I think we all know how that is going to go. If you ask other parents what they think of the lollipop man then they are going to think you know something they don't and it's going to escalate out of control. Other parents are going to view him with suspicion and as someone else said, the chinese whispers start. It's unfounded gossip, pure and simple.

[Canyouforgiveher]

You do know that he didn't in fact look at your son playing in the yard. he probably says this or something similar to every little kid as a conversation piece.

What is the issue anyway? You are a bit creeped by him. you aren't going to be sending your son off on a playdate with him are you? In fact there is zero opportunity for your son to be alone with him. If you are going to be paranoid, worry more about the far more innocent looking people who do have close contact with your child without your supervision.

[superwormissuperstrong]

Mumsnet is a funny place - i remember a while thread about trusting your instincts. I guess this one highlights that you need to be very careful how you act on those instincts.
I would not mention anything further to either the school or other mums and I would just continue as you are. You're not going to leave your child alone with him and I would be breezily polite but not encourage too much chat and move on as if you are in a rush to not have too much conversation.
As your child gets older and you are having age appropriate conversations about appropriateness I would use this man, relatives and friends to illustrate to your child that as well as stranger danger they need to be more aware that the people they know that are not strangers must talk and behave appropriately because it's exactly these people that are more risky to your child than strangers.
On the surface I think you are maybe being harsh on the man, there's nothing in his actions or words that is inappropriate, don't cause a world of problems for him but just don't engage any more than necessary.

[TheOddity]

I think it is possible that you are getting a creepy vibe from him AND he is just being nice to your son.

I wouldn't act on it, not in a million years. But I probably wouldn't encourage more than the bare minimum of chat if you get the creepy vibe.

[firesidechat]

No comments to make on your first thread op?