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One-child families

Got questions about only having one child? Find the answers here.

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Original poster

Happy as an only child?

33 replies

Blundermum · 23/06/2010 22:28

Hi, I have DD nearly three and am also on the 'will I won't I' camp.
I don't really feel broody...Its more the constant guilt and worry that the only child stigma may have some truth in it.
Have any of you made the decision to have one child based on the fact that you also had no siblings and were happy?
I would really like to know, from the horses mouth if you like!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

gourd · 12/08/2010 08:50

I've always wanted 2 or 3 children, but at 33 and having just got to 36 weeks with my first baby I don't think I want to go through pregnancy again, even if my baby is wonderful - as I'm sure she will be! The first child will only be playing with friends rather than siblings anyway, if the age gap is more than a couple of years.

ChocolateMoose · 12/08/2010 09:01

I'm an only child, and was perfectly happy with that growing up - I don't remember ever feeling lonely. When I went round to friends' houses I'd sometimes get fed up at the amount of fighting between siblings, which you don't get when you're playing with your friends.

I expect I'll have another baby (my first is almost one and I'm certainly not broody yet) but feel that if I didn't, my son wouldn't be deprived.

katster37 · 01/10/2010 15:57

I am an only child, am ridiculously close to my parents and had a lovely childhood. I suppose at times it could be a bit intense - certainly with an over-anxious mother, and maybe this informed my decision that I definitely wanted more than one. However, I am now pg with my second, and am worrying about all the things people have said on previous threads - I won't have that one-to-one time with him which I so love, he will always share me, will we be close like I am to my parents? Etc etc. I have a few only-children friends and it seems to go either way. I have some who are ridiculously close to their parents, and then a couple who barely speak. But that may or may not be anything to do with them being onlies. Good luck with your decision.

GenevieveHawkings · 03/10/2010 01:13

With regard to the comment on this thread:

"Dd is so so much happier now, she's the kind of child who needed a sib IYKWIM."

There is no such thing as the "kind of child who needs a sibling" only the sort of parents who think their child needs a sibling.

longgrasswhispers · 10/10/2010 17:59

I have just the one dd, and since I am 44 years old with 3 miscarriages behind me, am unlikely to be lucky enough to have another. I too worry about her as we, her parents, get older.

Then I put it in perspective. There are many, many things FAR worse than being an only child.

You could be one of many, but still be abused by your parents; you could grow up to not be on speaking terms with your sibling; you could not have been born into the relative privelege of the UK, and be living in the slums of Brazil for example; you could be one of the many, many unlucky children who are born with some kind of severe learning or physical difficulty.....

I could go on.

To be an only child with parents who love you more than anything is, for some people, an enviable position.

TumTumGnu · 12/10/2010 14:47

I think longgrasswhispers has a point. People tend to spend a lot of time thinking about the bad points of being an only child but don't seem to give the same thought to what it can be like having siblings.

I have plenty of friends who had a horrible relationship with their siblings when they were little and view seeing them now as a chore. I had 3 step brothers an sisters who were all quite a bit older then me, though I get on with them ok now (as in I see then once a year or so) there were large chunks of my life when I can say with no exageration that this was not always the case and I can't see how I got anything good from them as a child or now for that matter that I would not have got from friends without all the horridness.

I am, of course, not saying this is always the case. Some siblings get on really well and have really strong relationships but it is a bit one sided to think that having siblings will remove any chance of loneliness and always worth looking at things from a differant view point.

TheFoosa · 12/10/2010 15:12

both my dh & I come from large families and we both wanted one child

my dd is happy with her life and doesn't want a sibling - a kitten, yes but not a brother or sister

I have to admit she was an extremley difficult baby and I don't have a great deal of patience

Anyway, there are loads of one-child families now, so it's not really the big deal it once was

MindySimmons · 12/10/2010 19:01

TheFoosa, my dd also has a kitten now and appears to be utterly content . She does ask for an older sister occasionally but without adoption, can't quite see how I could oblige there (unless dh has a secret!)

I think due to the 'court of motherhood' we tend to go as a default position 'Am I doing the right thing? Am I denying my child?' etc etc so it's not surprising we analyse situations to the nth degree. But as many have said, there are those that adore their siblings, those who feel they have been psychologically damaged by them at the other end of the scale. Same extremes and everything in between will go for one child families.

Lesson I have learnt over the past year, try to live more in the moment and enjoy what you have!

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