Finding friends for only DC

[Whatispants]

My DS is 9. He is struggling to fit in in the small rural school He goes to, and we live rurally with no near neighbours so friendships are really suffering. We are also not from the area we live in and both have small families who all live 2+ hours away or overseas. Do any of you know if there are apps or websites to strike up friendships with other similar children? He already does several clubs and has superficial friendships with the children there but we are really aware he needs some real, meaningful friendships. We are happy to travel to facilitate his social life. We are also urgently trying to move to a nearby town where we will hopefully have some neighbours around to increase his social circle. Any wise words appreciated!

[Simplepink]

This is always something I’ve been very conscious of with my DS.
hopefully your move will happen soon and you will have more near neighbours.

As he gets older make your house somewhere he wants to bring his mates.
Dont try and force meet up friendships with people who live far away. Do try and nurture your adult friendships with others with kids.
Doesnt matter if your friends kids are a bit older/younger he’s still getting that kid time.

[Jeffjefftyjeff]

Do any of the clubs / hobbies he does have opportunities for longer times together? I feel like my (only child) DS really bonded with others during football tournaments, scout camps etc

[TempsPerdu]

It’s tough OP - we’re struggling with this dilemma too. Slightly different scenario as we’re in a busy suburb and are well embedded in the community, but DD is an only with only one cousin, who lives overseas, and she hasn’t settled in her class at school.

We are looking to move as well. Our longer term plan was always to move for secondary anyway, but given that DD hasn’t bonded with the children in her class I think we may bring this forward. She gets on better with the girls in the parallel class and we did try to get her current school to move her, but they refused (as an ex primary teacher myself I know that schools hate doing this). DD’s social issues are made worst by the fact that she’s the only academic, motivated girl in quite a challenging low ability class, and sticks out like a sore thumb. It’s not typical for the school and just one of those ‘luck of the draw’ things, but upshot is that she is playing mainly with much older children and not with her peers.

She does plenty of extra curricular stuff out of school, which DD loves, but we have the same issue as you in that it’s all very fleeting and transient - not enough time spent together to make ‘proper’ friendships. And during school holidays it’s really just us and elderly grandparents etc - we have plenty of local friends but find that people are either busy with work or tend to retreat into their families so aren’t open to spending time together in a casual way.

Our plan is to move out of London within the next couple of years to a market town near a smaller city. We’d aim to get very involved in the community to help build relationships for us and DD. The place we have in mind has just the one (large, very good) school and all local children go there, usually walking to school etc, so we’re hoping that it’s all a bit less transient and fragmented than where we are now (where children go to lots of different secondaries and are ferried around by car) and will give her continuity as she grows up.

And yes, also what a pp has said about making your house a welcoming sanctuary for DS and his friends - we have always said that we’re open to sleepovers, taking friends on holiday etc as DD gets bigger. It can be tricky to engineer this scenario though, I think.

[KnickerlessParsons]

He should join cubs/scouts.

[Whatispants]

Thank you all for responding! He does do cubs and was in beavers before, but the tiny group there are all from his school. We are going to speak to some much bigger schools in the nearest big town after half term and see if they have spaces. He's sensitive, not very sporty and is into the arts and gymnastics, so we're hoping by having so many more children to be around there's a higher chance of finding a similar friend or two. Not everyone likes cricket, skiing and pheasant shooting. Village schools may be 'idyllic' as they are often described, and that may be fine if you are accepted and fit in, but horrible if you don't. I hadn't thought this before we moved into one, and after this never want to live rurally again!