Only one child, not a proper family

[Whowillsaveyoursoul]

We have ds (5) who we had no problems conceiving.
However for whatever reason we have been unable to have any more children and even several rounds of fertility treatment have failed.

I'm so sad about it, I had Pnd after ds so wasted the very early days and ds was a high needs demanding toddler. Now he's 5 and I feel like he doesn't need me much anymore. I was a sahm but after the fertility treatment failed went back to work which felt again like closing the book on another baby.

I need to let it go but don't know how. I don't feel like a real family, I see FB pictures of people with several children and people comment 'lovely family' but I never put any of my 'family' up because it feels like we're importers, not a real family, inferior.
I tend to be quite negative about ds and I know I need to stop. I just feel like everyone must look at my 'family' and think 'who are they kidding?' I frequently feel like we are three strangers who happen to share a house.

I'm just waiting all the time for things to get better but they don't.

[Nydj]

Sorry, I didn't realise.

[Azzurro]

I must say that was really where I was while we were going through the fertility treatments, I could barely breath at the idea of just being 3! After thousands of £, many days spent recovering emotionally and physically I could not really see the point of continuing that way, but I continued....until one day my hubby, out of the nothing said "enough" and there I was, felt the weight lift of my heart!
Have you and your husband/partner spoke about being happy as 3? Sometimes it takes 2, those very same 2 who made the 3 happens! Afterall it was 2 before 3 (sorry use numbers a lot)
Good luck,I hopeyou will find peace x

[Rtfairy]

We have 1 lovely DC, from the moment we had her we have been a family. We may have more dc in the future we may not. But I certainly don't feel as if anything is missing at the moment.

[CakeInMyFace]

Firstly, I think it's really unfair to give the OP a hard time over multiple threads. Possibly she needs support and is going round in circles. I do hope OP gets some professional support, but she obviously finds posting helpful and supportive and if that gets her through another day then that's better than the alternative.

I'm struggling massively at the moment myself, we have been undgeroing tests and there is a real possibility we may never have another ourselves after my recent diagnosis. Saying that, going through this makes me cherish my DD all the more. She is nearly 3.5 and I love her more than I ever thought possible to love another human being.

I try to separate my emotions from her and keep them private between myself and my DH, and talk things through with friends and family who are very supportive.

For me, I try to focus on all the lovely things about being a 3 - extra meals out, lots of time together reading stories, playing games, cuddles in bed in the morning, being able to afford holidays, etc etc. All of this helps. And you ARE a family. I have a friend who has no children, she calls her famiy her DP and the mates they live with. Families come in all shapes and sizes. I have absolutely terrible moments I just find all of the above helps me get through it. And your little boy needs you so much.

I read something that helped me alot too - you have greater responsibility to the child you have then to the one who doesn't exist yet.

I hope you are feeling better OP and that you have a lovely Christmas with your very special family of 3.