Episode 34 - The Tearoom moves to New England

[beanandspud]

At this time of year New England is famous for its glorious foliage as billions of leaves change from green to a kaleidoscope of colours. The air is crisp and cool ? perfect for hiking, biking or a drive along back roads, where farm stands are piled high with crunchy apples and orange pumpkins.

Everyone is welcome. There are tea, cakes and wine aplenty so pull up a comfortable chair and join us.

The usual rule applies - no fisticuffs please!

[Scout19075]

Do you know when around Christmas?

Doubt as in... um, how do I explain? Right, so we know Toddler is 2.11 (one month today until his birthday) and he's a boy and boys are "typically" (not always but compared to some girls can be) "behind" or "slower developing." I think Toddler has really good verbal skills, concentration (when hit on the right thing, of course), fine motor skills, etc. I am not in any way shape or form saying he's advanced -- I think he's perfectly average and lovely and I wouldn't change him for the world. Everyone compliments him/us about his attention span, his verbal skills, his general sunniness, etc. He is, as MomScout calls him, a Happy Chappy.

People that don't see him often typically don't have trouble understanding him -- they might not always get the gist of what he's trying to say but his annunciation is pretty good (heck, the boy uses words like "pendolino" and "derailment" with clarity and correctness). He doesn't use filler words (and, the, but, a, an, or, etc) but that's normal for his age and development. He says "please" and "thank you" even if I have to remind him sometimes. He asks "May I please" (again sometimes I have to remind him but he does it). But he's a toddler. He's two. She always, ALWAYS seems to give him a look and then give me a look like "WHAT is the WORLD is he saying?! HOW do you make sense of that gibberish?!" Like I said friends that see him every few weeks don't have trouble. My PiL who are in their 70s (and MiL is slowly going deaf, I think) and in a typical few weeks might only see Toddler every six weeks or so don't have any trouble. But after nearly 90 minutes of getting "the what is he on about look" I worry.

It just makes me wonder if his good speech and good behaviour (I think a lot of it comes from the ability to basically communicate with us and we take the time to listen and talk back/respond) and sunniness is all in my head.

[mistlethrush]

Sat before until boxing day...

I could come and give you a frank assessment of his verbal skills if you'd like?

Does she have much contact with small children - because when we're used to hearing small children talk, its pretty easy with most of them to work out what they're saying. But if you aren't used to them and what they might be expected to be talking about at that particular moment, it can be more difficult.

However, (although I doubt this) you could be very tuned in to what he is saying and therefore not notice that things are not as clear as they might be - a bit like learning a foreign language - if you know what it is its easy, but if you don't its completely indecipherable.

What I suggest next time is that you explain to toddler that she's not very good at understanding him, and if he wants her to understand he needs to go slowly and clearly for her - make sure he realises that this isn't anything to do with him - just her. I bet toddler would grasp what was necessary

Big bowl full of spicy lentil soup and hearty homemade bread?

[Scout19075]

I'll check when we're going to Berks.

The thing is that MrsGuider used to be a nursery teacher (only retired at 63 or 64 and just turned 66 this month), volunteers weekly at the community Toddler Group (the one we go to Wednesday mornings when I have a car) and helps run two Rainbow units (used to be the leader of the one until she turned 65 and Guiding regs said she couldn't be in charge but could still help) so I don't know if it's the "not in tune" bit.

I know I got a face when Toddler kept saying "MrsGuider in attic. MrsGuider in attic!" when she went to the loft to get things for me. He knows loft but prefers attic -- he got that from a British cartoon, not me since I emphasis the British vocabulary as his main/every day language since he lives here (though he does understand a lot of the American words and in the case of caboose/guard's van uses both equally and interchangeably).

I know she disapproves of our decision not to send Toddler to nursery this year (we haven't ruled it out completely but have decided that based on him and our situations that it now is not the time to send him) and am wondering if a lot of what I'm getting is that vibe.

Then again I could be reading it all completely wrong and she still thinks he's as lovely as the first day she met him when he was a teeny tiny newborn. Well, I know she thinks he's lovely but I mean more "where he should be" or whatever.

Gah.

[Scout19075]

I can always tell when the Americans have gone to work for the day -- my Facebook news feed gets busy again.

[mistlethrush]

I bet you're in Berks when we're near your home - and we'll move to near Berks just as you go in the opposite direction

I've explained to DS that an attic is like grandma has - proper stairs going up to a real room - whereas a loft is what we have - hole in the ceiling and pull down ladder.

DS thrived at nursery - but if I'd been at home with him I'm sure we would have had an equally good time and he would have learned as much if not more....

[Scout19075]

Oh no, this was a hole in the ceiling with a pull-down ladder. And here (in our house) we have an even smaller hole in the ceiling and need to put a step ladder at the base to get in. He just seems to like saying "attic" more than "loft." His prerogative, I guess.

Based on what people have told me of nursery, and from reading various boards and the EYFES goals, besides learning to play there's an emphasis on life skills (using a fork, learning to dress/undress, etc), alphabet recognition, counting to 3/5/10 (depending on the age) and general getting ready for school skills like lining up. Well, Toddler's been able to recognize all the letters scrambled up (as in, not in alphabetical order) since he was 22 months old and once he could speak he was shouting them out to us. He can count into the 30s without missing one (though he sometimes drops 14 for some reason), recognizes written 0-10 and has the understanding of "one chip" or "two bunnies" or "three triangles of sandwich" etc. Earlier in the week I gave him two mini chocolate fingers and said "one for each hand." I then gave him two more and said "no more chocolate fingers after these." He gobbled those up and said "Five Six!" I asked "Five Six? What's five six, Toddler?" "Five six! Toddler wants five six chocolate fingers!" I didn't do any counting activities with him in regards to those chocolate fingers but he seems to have counted his chocolate fingers and wanted numbers five and six. (He didn't get them, btw.) He knows his shapes and colors. We use cutlery at home. He knows how to queue at the shops, at the playground for the slides & swings, etc. and he's just now showing an interest in trying to dress/undress. He helps make his bed and fold his PJs and generally helps out (his job is bottles to the recycling bin and heaven forbid if you forget and do it for him).

I'm not knocking nursery and some people need it. I went to nursery school a couple of days a week when I was young to give my aunt, who was in her 70s and was caring for me in the week, a break. I used to "teach" three year olds at a day care. But given TS's needs, what he can already do and the fact that I'm a SAHM we can't see the point in paying a lot of money to go do what we already do at home/with friends/at toddler groups.

To each their own (but friend has put a lot of pressure on me to send him since Toddler's second birthday).

[Scout19075]

Gah, apologies for the stealth boast. It really wasn't meant to be one. I try not tell other parents what he's doing/has done. I should go report myself.

[Scout19075]

Sorry, MrsGuider just seems to have an ability to make me doubt myself/our decisions/Toddler's abilities.

I hold no illusions as to what he can and can't do and am very up-front about what he doesn't do yet (like getting dressed/undressed -- he can't be bothered and only in the last week or so has started to say "Toddler try!" whereas his BFF can more-or-less dress/undress herself).

[mistlethrush]

Don't be silly!

I was shocked when ds pointed the first letter of his name - particularly as he'd not really become sufficiently verbal to make me understand clearly the first time and had to say it several times (he struggled with his name to start with to be fair which made it doubly difficult!) - bit like saying " ' for 'om" instead of 'T for Tom'... I think he was about 16 months.

I would be comfortable with your own decisions and not worry - as long as you're enjoying things together and he is having some contact with other children (which he obviously is at toddler group) he's certainly not missing out on anything.

[Scout19075]

On a separate but tea room fitting sort of way, in the past week I have found out about two new pregnancies. Both have children Toddler's age (one is three/four weeks older and the other is six weeks younger than Toddler) and both already have a younger sibling.

I can't imagine having three under three!

Then again they (the other women) are a lot younger than me....

[Scout19075]

I just had a "form" email from one of the parenting groups I'm on with a subject: "Toddler's 3rd birthday is just around the corner" Um, duh!

It's like a toddler group volunteer who saw Toddler at the start of the month, made some comment about "how big he's getting" (it had been a while since she had seen him) and I said "oh yes, he's three next month." Her response was "Are you sure?" I laughed and said "Positive, I was there. Drugged up and feeling no pain but wide awake and fully there."

[Scout19075]

Who's for cake?

[beanandspud]

Yes please Scout. Can I pour you a Friday ?

No good advice about Guider friend I'm afraid as I constantly doubt myself when in the company of other parents who seem to find parenting far more natural than I do. I spend half my time wondering whether Small Bean is doing ok, behaving ok, as advanced as his friend, demonstrating stereotypical 'only child' behaviour... The list goes on and I think there are some people that have a knack of making you feel inadequate in some way.

[Scout19075]

It's strange, bean, it only seems to be one friend I feel that way around. Put me in a group of peers/Toddler's peers and I'm very "they all do their own thing at their own time" sort of person. In fact I'm rather fascinated watching a group of Toddler peers to see how they interact (if they do interact), what toys they go for, how often do they seek out their moms, etc.

I hope it's the type you like.

[Scout19075]

Tornado journey has been cancelled due to industrial action of some sort so no trip to the train station early in the morning. However, still off to the Bluebell Line tomorrow and I have a very excited Toddler and MiL. We found the Thomas book about Stepney and the Bluebell Railway tonight and Toddler's eyes were wide with excitement as we read it at bedtime.

We have a book about a steam train at one of the little local steam lines near us and at the end the driver yells "Steam trains are magic!" Did YOU know?! Toddler has been going around talking about "Steam trains are magic! I love steam trains!"

Tomorrow will be his last steam train ride until November. Mom & Dad are planning on taking us to Lancaster to the train museum/line out there so Toddler will get to ride an American steam train.

[beanandspud]

I like any cake - thank you! Don't let Guider Friend bother you, it sounds as if it's unintentional but just not very emotionally intelligent.

We had fun today trying to decipher Small Bean's fictional day at school...

SB: We all went to a field.
Me: OK, who went to the field?
SB: All of us. My class stood in one field and Mrs X's class stood in the other.
Me: And what did you do in the field?
SB: Nothing, we just stood there.
Me [Suddenly remembering something we'd see on tv]: Erm, was it a field trip?
SB: Yes - it was a field trip [excited]

I am losing hope of ever knowing what happens in his day and how much is just stories!

[beanandspud]

Small Bean would love the American steam train - would you like an additional passenger?

Just planning ahead but would any Tearoomers like to try to meet up in half-term week, possibly in the South? I am planning to take Small Bean to London on the train, haven't worked out any details though.

[LaBelleDameSansPatience]

Hello everyone! Was going to just launch in but then got intrigued by the discussion about what is acceptable/OK/normal at 2 .... am at present embroiled it what is normal/acceptable/behind at 6 ... please just ignore it. It will just move on to the next milestone.

And don't be pressurised into going to nursery if you don't really want it.Inless there is an amazing preschool in a garden like the one Wriggle went to one day a week. ie something much much better than home.

Anyway, back to us .... We have just had the most lovely day, out in a local garden-to-a-big-house-open-to-the-public. The house isn't open, just the garden, very casual; Wriggle paddled in the stream, climbed trees with her very very best friend, ate a picnic, posed the Sylvanians for photos ...

First time since Thursday that my headache has gone. On Thursday AP may have had a small stroke. Something definitely bad happened, although the gp doesn't know what. We have moved into a new stage of living with an Aged Parent.

[ComeIntoTheGardenMaud]

::clasps LaBelleDame to her ample bosooom::

Oh dear about the Aged P. Will there be a scan? It seems to take a while to differentiate a stroke from something else. But how lovely about the garden and the paddling.

Shall we open some wine?

[UniS]

ummmm the perfect accompaniment to free range 6 year olds.


6 yr olds are HARD work sometimes aren?t they, but delightful little people at other times. Boy enjoyed a bike ride this morning, came all unwilling to a wedding this afternoon, but thankfully sat quietly and read the beano all the way through the service.

[LaBelleDameSansPatience]

That will be wonderful ... when she can read!

Maud, GP said (and I agree) we could do a scan, but it would be very unsettling and scarey and what is the point? Somehow, we have to learn to manage the situation as it is.

Lovely to see you, Maud and UniS ...

[UniS]

I'm not sure how much READING of the beano goes on.. but he does sit and look at it intently for a good long time :-) He doesn't get the jokes and if he does read one aloud he tends to read it so wrong its makes no sense at all.

[CMOTDibbler]

I agree that a scan is unlikely to help you help AP BelleDame. My mum has just had a load done for 'the pain in her legs that she thinks is her knees but is undoubtedly her back', and she's found it v difficult to process. Not that a lot makes sense these days

Scout, did you enjoy the Bluebell ? We lived in the town end of it for some years, and loved the Bluebell line

[mistlethrush]

UniS - mc can devour the Beano in about 20 mins now.... and will read it going round the supermarket - so you have to steer him around....

Based upon how well 4 (then) onlies got on in Leeds earlier in the year, I don't think any of them were showing particular only traits - all got on really well with each other under the circs!

[LaBelleDameSansPatience]

Sadly, Wriggle is demanding, unreasonable and hates sharing. We are working on it.

AP is so worried about 'being a burden'. Presumable I was quite a burden to her for the first few years ... why on earth shouldn't she be? And, apart from the emotions involved, she isn't. Just so worried that my sister will somehow not come here for our annual one-week holiday in France. Even last year, I think AP would have coped; this year, I don't think so. CMOT, how do you cope with saying the same thing at half hour intervals?????

Lovely day today in Salisbury, featuring a little but not quite enough cathedral and a bit too much TKMaxx. And lunch at the cathedral with lovely roast pork, but sadly no crackling and they had forgotten to cook the vegetables.