Reconsidering nursery

[justthethreeofusx]

I was really thinking about sending our baby to nursery when I go back to work later this year. I was sold nursery by lots of friends saying how good it is for the babies to socialise, make friends, play etc. However, I don't need to send baby. I have child care available and I'll be working part time. Also my husband's shifts mean that there would be times he would be available to have the baby while I'm in work and we'd still be paying for nursery on those days. We all know how expensive it is.

Having visited some nurseries, I am really rethinking it. I felt that the young babies, even with a 1:3 ratio with staff, were still left to just play/sit alone and wander/crawl around. They weren't mistreated by any means but it's really thrown me as to why I'd want to pay for this when baby could have 1:1 care, nurturing and even education building at home with family. I'm thinking maybe nursery would be something i'd like for baby further down the line when a bit older to actually understand what's going on and I may need it more if I increase days etc. I do take baby to playgroups which I would continue to do.

I'm panicking if I'm making an emotional decision and not putting them first if it would be beneficial so looking for some advice really on whether I'm really way off the mark here. It's hard to have friends almost make me feel bad for feeling this way because nursery has been a success for them but I'm not really seeing the full benefit for babies so young when the help isn't needed. I'm hoping this makes sense as I totally see the need for it where parents both have to return to work and don't have the care available

I am ex Ofsted inspector and I haven't seen many good, high quality baby rooms in nurseries I'm sorry to say.
You're right, the ratio of one adult to three babies provides the minimum level of care needed.
Research shows that daycare can raise children's cortisol levels (the stress hormone).
If you're in the fortunate position of being able to postpone the need for childcare I would do this. For children aged over 2 years it's a different scenario.

If you don't need to then don't.
We didn't put DS in until he was 2, just over.
We seen the benefits, can't say I would have for a baby.

How old is your baby?

Both of my DC have been at nursery from 1 years old, and they have both thrived there.

But we use nursery out of necessity as we both work 9-5 jobs and have no other childcare options.

Nursery is also insanely expensive.

If you don't want to send your little one yet, don't send them. It's a very personal decision and you can always wait until they are old enough to go to preschool. That will 'prepare' them for school, if that's what you are worried about.

I don't think there's any particular benefit for a baby to go to nursery. Fine if it's necessary but if you have the choice then I'd say keep them at home.

No benefits in nursery before 2. If you can keep him, do so!

I personally wouldn't have used a nursery until DS was three if we hadn't need it for childcare.

There are no benefits before 2, if not 3. Making friends, socialising, all the stuff your friends mention are for 3-4 year olds. Look up the 6 stages of play- it’s really interesting! Not to say it’s bad or anything, but a good baby room is at best neutral and whilst babies can thrive there, there’s zero point paying for it when you have other reliable childcare available. That’s if your alternative childcare is reliable because there are so many threads on here where GPs providing childcare has gone wrong… But if you and your DH can do it between you and his shift pattern is fixed in a way that won’t change then all good. Personally I’d sign DC up from aged 2- they’re full on that age and whilst they’re still not playing together yet they are taking an interest in other kids and they’ll love all the messy play things that nursery will do that if you’re anything like me you won’t want in your house 🤣

I work in a nursery and the babies do settle and most are happy but I think the benefit for the children rather than the parents is when the child is 3yo+. This is when they start their real social play. Until then many still prefer seeking adults for interaction - although babies and toddlers are capable of making friends.

If you don’t need to use a nursery then don’t, babies will always thrive with a one to one responsive parent or care giver and will be out seeing the real world. They won’t miss anything that young not going to nursery.

If you don’t want to, don’t. DT’s went full time to nursery from six months old - it was an amazing place. We didn’t have any family in the uk, the nursery staff became adopted grandparents and two of the staff became our babysitters.

I used nurseries for DC1 from age 1 and it didn’t go well, quality was lacking and think could have done better for DC1. Childminder for DC2 was far better.

when you say you ‘have childcare’ though, if that’s reliant on family for more than, say, a day a week, I wouldn’t ask that of people, would pay for most childcare.

I would take advantage of the childcare available to me and then send my child to a childminder later on when it's a bit older to socialise, i prefer the childminders setting to a nursery CM is more home from home.

Follow your gut. Just because nursery is the best option available to your friends, doesn't mean it's the best option for your family.

Yes children "thrive" at nursery but they also "thrive" at home with family, although that's not something you often hear people describe, because it's usually expected.

@Hellenbach could you just tell me as a matter of interest would you choose a nursery or a childminder if you had to. ( just asking because of your background,) sorry for jumping in on the thread @justthethreeofusx
I'm just curious x

I wouldn't send them if you don't need to. We managed with ours at home til they were 3 and eligible for free hours. It's so expensive and we worked irregular shifts so it wasn't financially worth it for us.

They got socialising from playgroup and meet ups with friends and were both fine starting at 3.

I also have friends who put their babies in nursery quite early as they needed to for work and it's done them no harm.

I was in a similar position and didn't send DD to nursery. She started a few mornings at pre school instead at 2y 1m and quite honestly I don't think it actually benefitted her until somewhere between 2y 6m to 3yo. Of course most people have to send them because they have to and that is absolutely fine but if you don't need to then save yourself some money!

I don’t think nursery is necessary for a child if you don’t need it at that age. It’s a service for parents rather than an enrichment for infants.

I have worked in nurseries where there is a baby room, keep your child at home if you can. Your baby needs one to one care from someone who adores him/her - their early brain development will be helped by that. Nursery workers will provide the basics of care but they won’t get the levels of love, interaction and joy they would get from a parent.

I'd definitely recommend a childminder over daycare for babies. I've inspected some incredible childminders and been so impressed by the quality of care. Like any provider there will be good and bad, but in terms of environment and wellbeing a childminder is much more like a home from home for the baby.

Children at nursery get endless love, interaction and joy from their parents.
Good nurseries provide more than the basic level of care.

I work in a baby room and I try to give all my babies as much care and attention as possible; however, my own children only went to nursery once they turned 3, because, as you, I had childcare available until then and I am glad I made that decision.
Follow your gut and base your decision on your own child’s needs. If you send them to the nursery, that’s absolutely fine, babies adapt easily and your LO will quickly settle in and thrive there. If you don’t, that is also fine, your child won’t be missing out on anything.

Also, if you can attend some playgroups on your days off, that would be plenty of interaction for your LO with other babies.

They won’t be “missing out” on anything either way, will just have a different experience.
My personal preference, as a parent and nursery manager is that the one to one care of a home environment is preferable until age 2-2.5 depending on the child and family.
Go with your gut.

I work in a related area professionally. I chose to keep mine home as it was an option for me and I felt it would be best for her development. She was very sensitive as a baby and extremely attached to me. I think she really, really would have struggled to start nursery at 1 as I’d originally planned. I quit my job and made some drastic life changes.

She's 2.5 now and will start school nursery the term after she turns 3. The time and memories that we’ve had home together are priceless to me. She’s absolutely flying in terms of her development and even emotional maturity.

I also worried that I was making a decision purely out of emotion/anxiety at the time but in retrospect I think the emotions were just flagging to me that it was actually the wrong thing to do. We’ve had to make some sacrifices in terms of finances etc but I would do the same thing again 100x over and I have absolutely no regrets. From someone who’s been there — highly recommend!!