Nursery staffer suspended for manhandling my DD

[birdofthenorth]

DD1 is 13 months, has been in nursery part-time for 5 weeks.

Yesterday I picked her up from nursery as normal, staff all smiles, went home & took the dogs to the park. DH came home & we all went out for a nice pub tea to celebrate me getting through my first month back at work (& first pay day for months!). Then I got a call from the Deputy Manager at the nursery to inform me a staff member has been suspended over an "incident" involving my daughter. Heart in mouth while I pray please don't let it be violent, or God forbid, sexual. Turns out another member of staff was walking past the CCTV screens they have in the entrance hall showing all rooms when she caught this staffer "throwing DD onto a beanbag with what we consider unacceptable force". DD had been throwing sand or something apparently, they think said staffer was engaging in an inappropriate attempt at discipline (she is 13 mo, FFS).

The woman who caught her in the act intervened to ensure DD was ok & remove her from this person's care. The management then reviewed the footage and suspended her. They didn't tell me when I picked DD up because the staff member was still in the building.

They didn't tell me who it was (probably appropriate although I am not into vigilantism) but have asked me to come in first thing Mon am to see the footage myself & discuss it further.

As far as they are aware at this stage it was an isolated incident but they are investigating further to see if she has behaved this way before, with DD or others.

I am trying not to over-reacting but have felt a but sick since learning this & slept badly last night. Just keep imagining the incident (am sure it is now worse in my mind than it was in actual fact). DH has postponed a work trip so he can come with me on Mon am.

I haven't massively enjoyed my return to work, have missed DD, and worried about how she was settling in. Yesterday was actually the first morning she didn't cry on dropping her off so I was starting to feel better- now I just feel my trust has been broken and I am suddenly acutely aware I have left her with strangers.

Also -what if it has happened before?

What if it is not deemed a sackable offence & I have to leave DD with this person again? Even if I see the footage and don't feel what she did was terrible, it would be very odd to leave DD with her & for me to have to interest with her as normal after she has been through a suspension process in relation to DD (which must be a pretty awful thing for the staff member involved, assuming what they caught was a rare moment of frustration not a typical moment from an uncaring cow).

DD appears to be fine physically & emotionally.

I haven't told parents or ILs yet as they will almost certainly overreact & tell us to remove her from the nursery (MIL in particular would be distraught & would probably tell me to give up work immediately!).

Any advice? Anyone known this happen elsewhere?

[birdofthenorth]

Also, supplementary question -would you tell the other parents in the baby room?

One pair of parents in particular I know socially, their DD was born the day after mine, & I suspect if they find out this occurred at a later date & I didn't tell them they'd be pretty pissed off...

Obviously I wouldn't tell them until after I've sen the footage, but maybe at that point?

The other parents I only know in passing &I think it would be shit-stirring to mention it

[birdofthenorth]

Good suggestion Tired, I will do that, thank you

[ballstoit]

Don't be in a rush to remove her from nursery. In a way, an incident like this happening and being dealt with in a professional, appropriate way, is more reassuring as a parent than a long running uneasiness that things are not quite right.

If, when you view the footage, you feel further action needs to be taken outside of nursery eg.a police report, then push for that to happen. But if you're happy with nurseries response and how the member of staff is dealt with, then stick with where you are for now.

Of course, no adult should ever be too rough or forceful with a child, but what other posters are illustrating to you, is that a one off incident of an adult being physically harsh, is unlikely to cause your DD any lasting damage. Most children will have an adult lose their temper at some point in their life, and they will be fine.

Try not to panic and assume DD will be traumatised, and have as relaxing a weekend as you can. I think you are right to keep it to yourselves until you've got more information, but do keep talking to DH and supporting each other x

[Catslikehats]

OP - how awful for you.

I think you have already received some great advice on this thread - the nursery has acted quickly and robustly which is a good thing.

I also agree the fact that a co worker took the opportunity to report the matter speaks volumes as to the high standards of the nursery.

I can totally understand your reluctance to leave your DD there should the worker not be sacked but if that was the case I would expect the nursery to place her somewhere where s/he didn't have direct contact with your DD.

Don't be hard on yourself - these things do happen unfortunately, you can only do your best by your DD which you clearly are.

shiney what happened re the creche in the end? I seem to remember a AIBU about reporting the matter but don't recall the outcome. Was it resolved?

[differentnameforthis]

I would be very surprised if your dd was left in this persons care should she be deemed safe to return to work.

I would also be very surprised if she was deemed safe to return to that environment, her actions are obviously unpredictable & very over the top for dealing with a baby throwing anything, tbh.

[ChippingIn]

I would be reassured by the way the nursery have handled this except for the fact that they have left you hanging over the weekend. They should have made sure she was no longer on the premises when you picked your DD up and they should have told you about it and shown you the footage there and then - not left it up to your imagination all weekend.

I would wait until you have seen the footage - if you think it's not as big a deal as they have made out & don't think it's something she should be fired for then let it go and move on.

If you think she should be fired and they do - once again, let it go and move on.

The only time you need to consider removing your DD is if you think she was well out of line & they don't fire her.


However, please don't worry about DD. She (apparently) manhandled her a little too roughly onto a bean bag - very probably no more roughly than you would if you were playing rough & tumble with her. No real harm done.

BUT I would be discussing their discipline methods in general, doing time out for a 13 month old in this way is a bit daft.

[birdofthenorth]

I hope so Different, I think the staffer would struggle to look me in the eye again & vice versa, & even if it was a one off in a moment of frustration, obv do not want DD in same room.

I an presuming this was not her Key Worker... will find out on Monday when we watch the footage I guess. If it was & this person had been her primary carer I will feel sick to my stomach

[differentnameforthis]

and while it may have been an error of judgement on the staff member's part

Sorry, but people being paid to take care of babies & young children cannot afford to make 'errors of judgement' like throwing a baby into a beanbag!

[birdofthenorth]

Chipping -good points. I just hate the her care there may have been generally on the grumpy side. She is notably less smiley & engaged on pick up -tiredness I'm sure- but I hate the idea that she is not smiled at & played with nicely all day

[birdofthenorth]

Fear not hate!

[UrsulaBuffayTheVampireSlayer]

How awful to be left hanging, however I am impressed by how they seem to be handling it generally. Poor DD!

[birdofthenorth]

Anyone got any views on whether I should tell my friend who's DD is in same room?

[differentnameforthis]

would you tell the other parents in the baby room?

I wouldn't tell them myself (just yet), but I would want the entire parent base that use the nursery to know that there was an incident (perhaps mentioning that it was non sexual/overly violent in nature) involving a young child & a member of staff has been suspended/dismissed etc. I say the entire parent base as nursery staff do move around/cover shifts for others.

I would be asking the nursery to do this (if they have nothing to hide I don't see why it should be a problem for them) & work with you on what info they release.

You can then decide to tell your friends. I just think telling people before the nursery explains gives fuel to start Chinese whispers.

[ellisbell]

view the footage before you do anything and discuss with them what action is being taken. I'm sure they will at least be monitoring this person very closely if they don't actually sack them. I think it's a very good sign that they told you.

[UrsulaBuffayTheVampireSlayer]

I wouldn't tell friend in case it's an isolated incident, if it turns out yes nursery are worried about this person's past behaviour then maybe I would (maybe nursery would choose to inform parents themselves). Putting unnecessary worry on your friend would be harmful and rumours may start, if you need to talk to a friend about the situation I'd choose another one iyswim.

[differentnameforthis]

They should have made sure she was no longer on the premises when you picked your DD up and they should have told you about it and shown you the footage there and then

Absolutely agree with this, chipping! She should have been suspended as soon as she had a chance to explain her side & there should have been someone waiting to show you the footage & discuss this with you! I would be very angry that they put her ending her shift before reporting the incident to me. I guess there would have been issues with carer-child ratios, but she should have been made to leave a lot sooner. Unless it happened 5minutes before pick up.

[HoneyPablo]

I think the nursery seem to be on the ball with this. I hate to see children being treated with contempt and lack of respect. I have seen rough-handling a few times over the years. The last time, I intervened and told the member of staff why it was unacceptable (which is more than the management did when I reported it them). I also told her if it was my child she had done it to, I would be furious and would probably report her to the police as well as Ofsted and that would be the end of her career with children. She was only young, under 20, extremely stressed because of lack of support from management and also going through emotional turmoil in her private life. It doesn't excuse it. But she has actually taken it all on board and is turning into a great nursery nurse.
Before we all hang, draw and quarter the woman, it's important to remember that we all make mistakes.

[differentnameforthis]

I certainly wouldn't have my dds left with someone capable of that, tbh. If she is reinstated, then yes, I would reconsider my child's childcare.

[Greensleeves]

of course you should tell your friend

how would you feel if it were the other way round and she didn't tell you?

if the nursery worker didn't want to be talked about by parents she shouldn't have been manhandling the children

she was caught because someone happened to be walking past the camera screens? I would be insisting that they go through ALL the footage they had to check for other incidents

it's hard enough for parents to leave their children in nursery fgs

[RitaMorgan]

HoneyPablo is right, while it would be lovely to imagine no childcare worker would ever make an error of judgement, they are only human. Nursery workers are often working very long hours, with minimal breaks, minimal staff numbers, minimal training/support and for minimum wage. I would be suprised if any childcare worker could honestly say they have never made a mistake or behaved in a way they wished they hadn't - whether that's raising their voice too much, missing an accident, failing to prevent an injury, not changing a nappy quick enough, or even manhandling a child.

Of course, you may watch the footage and decide it's far beyond a minor lapse from a usually good member of staff. But bear in mind that no childcare setting is perfect.

[babbi]

I am not a fan of nurseries for babies and kids under 2.5 - 3 to be honest, but that is just a personal choice. However I am TOTALLY impressed with the way your nursery is handling this. At this age your child is non verbal and they could have just dealt with this internally (or not)and you would have been none the wiser. I think in your position I would be happy to trust them with your child. No member of staff there will be under any misapprehension that anything but the correct level of care will be tolerated.
Provided that what you see on Monday is as others say, wrong (clearly) but not actual intentional violence, I see no need to change your arrangements. Your DD will be fine.

I am sorry that you have had to deal with this and sincerely hope that this is not as bad as it seems.

As an aside I recently went to firmly grasp my DD's shoulders to make her sit down and calm down but somehow managed to stumble and made her "slip" out of my hands ( hard to describe!) . Anyone looking in the window would have seen what looked like me throwing my 6 year old a couple of feet across the room onto a sofa. I swear that this was not the case.

[Quintessentialist]

I think you should consider telling Ofsted anyway. And tell the nursery that you are informing Ofsted, and may consider involving the police for assault on your daughter. They may suspend, and reinstate said member of staff, unless you show considerable Umph.

When a nursery worker hit my son on the head with a wooden train track garage (BIG in other words) to teach him that it was "not ok to hit", the nursery suspended her, invested in some extra training for her, and she returned to work within a week of the incident. ....

You are RIGHT to feel sick to your stomack. At the moment the nursery is firefighting and going through the motions to placate you. DONT let them placate you with this. You are out for blood. At least you should be.

[VivaLeBeaver]

How come the worker was by herself with the children? I thought there had to be at least two staff?

[StealthPolarBear]

I don't understand why this worker was allowed to carry on working the rest of the day? And why they didn't tell you straight away? The staff member was on the premises??? If they thought she (presumably) was aphysical threat, they should ahve called the police!

If I had reassurance about that, and that the member of staff was gone, I'd be impressed with how they handled it, and happy for my DCs to return.