Would you suggest to a friend they might be ND?

[PoochiesPinkEars]

I have a friend I've known for about 5 years who I think is ND. I have NDiversity in my family (my DD, uncle, niece, probably nephew, dad has his quirks) and have a few friends with various traits, some diagnosed, some not. I think my friend also is ND.

I'm currently going through some problems with her which I'm trying to navigate as carefully as possible because the issues we are having are unintended and I think stem from her being ND.
She doesn't see others point of view without careful explanation and time to process, and is easily emotionally disregulated, lashing out swift criticisms, full of remorse/self recrimination later. There are other things too but these are the ones which put friction in our relationship.

Her interactions can be very prickly, particularly if she is stressed about something, with lots of repair work needed afterwards and this means she has experienced a lot of rejection.
I don't want to be another broken relationship for her.

I am treading very carefully through some turbulence currently, because I don't want our friendship to hit the rocks, she's an ace person.

But I also need to protect my own self from her swift anger at times, though she isn't abusive in her nature, the experience of being on the receiving end of her reactions can feel brutal at times.

My dilemma is that she has never mentioned ND to me. I don't know if she knows or even suspects ND issues might be what are causing her struggles.
I am wondering if it would be wise or a bad idea to bring up the question with a view to asking if she has ever considered their possibility.

TLDR
If she hasn't thought about it, and I suggested she consider it, would this be a bad idea?

I wonder if it could maybe give her some insight into the recurrent dynamic which sabotages her friendships, it might mean she could unearth coping strategies and find self understanding that could improve her interactions so she can keep friends.

Any advice?

[PoochiesPinkEars]

Bump

[PoochiesPinkEars]

Evening crowd <hopeful>?

[AuDHD4Me]

I'd bring it up, but carefully. I'd go with the gentle “you know how they say your vibe attracts your tribe” type stuff and then gently “wonder” if most of your friends are ND. Put loud.

[AuDHD4Me]

Or, you could do what I did and blurt it. Tbf she took it well and is diagnosed now 🤣

[PoochiesPinkEars]

🤣 glad that worked out for you both.
The bringing it up gently part is the tricky bit as we are going through an issue at the moment (she became offended by something in her 'making a bunch of assumptions based on very little' way. I usually just let her unreasonable reactions wash over me as she then realises later it was wrong, but she managed to upset me).
I suppose I could wait until things are on an even keel and try that. At least I know it can, sometimes at least, be helpful. Thanks for your reply.

[ntmdino]

Only mention it if you're absolutely sure. Everything you've posted there suggests somebody with extremely limited impulse control, combined with highly unrelated emotional states.

That doesn't scream "ND" to me, but more likely somebody who could benefit from therapy and (shudder) mindfulness.