Hello, I'll get straight to it as you don't need a preamble
When dating someone with ASD does he mean basically everything in their terms?
Communication level on
their terms or it stresses them. They don't answer messages or start messages. They need space apart when they need it regardless of my needs at the time. Do activities that they like because other places overwhelm or stress or bore them.
How does a NT person have their needs met in a relationship with someone with ASD. Typically relationships are give and take. Both people do some stuff they don't want and both people accommodate as much as possible their partners needs and wants. Both people try to learn each others love language etc.
I'm feeling despondent. I feel like my needs will never be a priority ever. Ever.
What if we have kids. They will definitely have needs. How will ASD partner accommodate their needs or won't he?
Will a relationship only work if I such up all my needs and just roll with what works for him?
Use this forum to discuss neurodiverse parenting.
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Dating ASD man
joyfulnessss · 11/01/2024 15:06
Gingerkittykat · 11/01/2024 18:19
This is a board set up FOR neurodiverse people to talk in a safe environment with other ND people. Part of the reason for this is the numerous threads about how awful autistic partners are. It's not the place for a post like this.
joyfulnessss · 11/01/2024 19:19
@Gingerkittykat unless you want to ban ND+NT relationships surely you want NT to face a better understanding
VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 11/01/2024 22:59
I am not criticising my partner.
Really? So I didn't just read all this?
Communication level on their terms or it stresses them. They don't answer messages or start messages. They need space apart when they need it regardless of my needs at the time. Do activities that they like because other places overwhelm or stress or bore them.
I'm feeling despondent. I feel like my needs will never be a priority ever. Ever.
If dating one of us is going to be unpleasant for you then don't. You deserve to be happy, but you can't be happy with someone who you, at some level, feel isn't treating you well. Whether their behaviour is intentional or not is irrelevant.
joyfulnessss · 12/01/2024 12:54
@ntmdino thank you. Thank you for verbalising what I need to know. I sort of do know but I need reminding and you have generously explained so well. I really appreciate this and this is exactly what I cane here for.
Please if you don't mind helping me further, how could things pan out if we have children. Children have immediate and urgent needs all the time. How can this work with someone who also has deep and immovable needs like my dp. When he can't take any more .... life, but there are dc to be cared for. What if I'm sick. What if I'm away. What happens if he has a need to withdraw or has a meltdown and we have dc? I know people do it successfully. Do you have advice or pearls of wisdom? Or do you just think dc is just not feasible?
VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 12/01/2024 15:08
The above being an example of me being rock-solid during an emergency because I just focused on solving the immediate problem, then having a once-a-decade severity meltdown as the gory "what might have been" caught up with me.
joyfulnessss · 12/01/2024 07:36
I've also said I adore him. I am wanting to know if given a set of circumstances where we both need prioritising, can I or any future dc ever come first. I'm not here to moan. I'm here to ask people who know better than me.
VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 11/01/2024 22:59
I am not criticising my partner.
Really? So I didn't just read all this?
Communication level on their terms or it stresses them. They don't answer messages or start messages. They need space apart when they need it regardless of my needs at the time. Do activities that they like because other places overwhelm or stress or bore them.
I'm feeling despondent. I feel like my needs will never be a priority ever. Ever.
If dating one of us is going to be unpleasant for you then don't. You deserve to be happy, but you can't be happy with someone who you, at some level, feel isn't treating you well. Whether their behaviour is intentional or not is irrelevant.
entropynow · 06/03/2024 11:45
You can't criticise or find fault with a ND person, even with examples: not allowed. Various posters have made that clear.
Calling panicked parents "sheep" is apparently fine though.🤔
Adoration isn't enough. If this relationship doesn't work for you it doesn't, simple as that I'm afraid.
joyfulnessss · 12/01/2024 07:36
I've also said I adore him. I am wanting to know if given a set of circumstances where we both need prioritising, can I or any future dc ever come first. I'm not here to moan. I'm here to ask people who know better than me.
VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 11/01/2024 22:59
I am not criticising my partner.
Really? So I didn't just read all this?
Communication level on their terms or it stresses them. They don't answer messages or start messages. They need space apart when they need it regardless of my needs at the time. Do activities that they like because other places overwhelm or stress or bore them.
I'm feeling despondent. I feel like my needs will never be a priority ever. Ever.
If dating one of us is going to be unpleasant for you then don't. You deserve to be happy, but you can't be happy with someone who you, at some level, feel isn't treating you well. Whether their behaviour is intentional or not is irrelevant.
Ppetunia · 17/03/2024 04:36
@joyfulnessss did things progress with your partner in the end?
I'm also dating someone who is ND but we are older so no kids expected (I have my own).
Im also looking to try and understand my partner more. The threads scattered around outside this forum seem to be very negative/LTB types. If this isn't the right place and anyone can offer advice on the occasional ND type perspective, id be really grateful if they could PM me
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