Webchat with Daisy Goodwin, lunchtime, Tues 23 June

[GeraldineMumsnet]

As requested and promised, Daisy has accepted our invite and is coming on next Tuesday (exact time to be confirmed, but probably around 1pm). Get there early to bag your place.

[AitchTwoOh]

yy lulu, points for turning up but 'hard-core' isn't really appropriate for tiny babies and it would have been good to have heard that out loud i think.

i wonder how this episode will translate to the DM? 'why do women keep asking the same questions over and over and over', do you think?

[tiktok]

onebat....very sad for your mother. There is lots of evidence for this cauterising of feeling. In fact, I may have said this before, but it is still true :

• this is precisely why just about any rigid routine sort of babycare is advocated and written about by child carers not parents...the unresponsiveness is a vital part of protecting the carer from being emotionally connected to the baby. The carer has to leave this baby at some time. She has to move on to the next job. She cannot, must not, love the baby - life would quickly become unbearable. So child care becomes a process, not a relationship.

[LupusinaLlamasuit]

treble arf at this chat. But respec' (aiii) to Daisy Goodwin for turning up. In the biblical sense at least.

[squeaver]

Yes Aitch it'll be "why can't women ever just let things go?"

[AitchTwoOh]

lol squeaver. WHY can't a woman be more like a man? [rex harrison] [daily mail]

[tiktok]

I would be surprised if she didn't develop her 'do not use the words child abuse lightly' theme.....

[AitchTwoOh]

anyway where's that nice TS746 or whatever her name was? she seemed nice. i imagine we'll see a lot more of her on MN now that she's broken her duck and started posting.

[AitchTwoOh]

nor do i use the words child abuse lightly, tiktok.

[Habbibu]

"She cannot, must not, love the baby - life would quickly become unbearable. "

Not sure that's quite true, Tiktok, but it is bloody hard. My mum worked in residential care for 10 years before we came along - mostly babies being put up for adoption. They were all assigned a key worker type person, who did a huge proportion of the looking after of them. One wee boy she looked after from one week to 5 years. She adored him, and I know was broken hearted to see him go, but I know she doesn't regret treating him as her own for the time she was with him. He always feels a bit like the big brother we never had.

She also advocates lots of cuddling and falling asleep feeding, etc, despite doing all her basic training in the late 50s to 60s.

[morningpaper]

Can't believe I just spent two hours defending Gina Ford

Can I invoice her?

[Swedes]

MP Send the invoice by rocket.

[ahundredtimes]

Rhubs - Swedes is my daughter, and I am trying to manage her expectations re her A levels. Is hard work. She has delusions and isn't revising enough. Sigh.

[LupusinaLlamasuit]

Now that, Daisy, is how to handle a webchat...

[tiktok]

Habbibu, nothing you say in your story makes me think I've got it wrong, though....the nannies and maternity nurses who write these books are usually a lot more short-term than your mum was with the little boy, and may move from family to family several times in a year. They cannot fall in love with every passing baby that goes through their hands - each one would be an emotional wreck. You have to see it as a job, even if you are warm, affectionate and cuddlesome by nature.

I don't think this approach is consciously thought out, and in any case the rigid routine school is in the culture anyway. It also has to differ from what the mum would do, left to her own 'feckless' self, as maternity nurses are often employed specifically 'to get the baby into a routine' rather than just to lend a hand and muck in. They have to bring some sort of different, expert approach.

This approach suits them, and their emotional needs not to be securely attached. But if mothers try to copy the very rigid aspects of it, it is less likely to suit them and it surely will not suit the baby.

[tiktok]

LOL @ mention of invoice on rocket

[LackaDAISYcal]

Gosh, was that it....9 posts and very few questions actually answered

I'm glad I went to stay and play now.

[AitchTwoOh]

lol i've just seen hellzapoppin's blatant job request brilliant idea to replace DG's company director with an MNer. lol. did you miss 'oh shite i seem to be running sainsbury's' or whatever it was called? or 'undercover boss', in which a sappy wank of a boss who's never done a hand's turn goes to see what life's like at the sharp (ie minimum wage) end. nasty business. supposed to be warm fuzzy like secret mill but instead tricks poor miserable workers into saying how much they despise the bosses and company before pulling them up for not being team players.

anyway, yes, i have GREAT ideas for programmes, and some of them i even have a number of months before they turn up in the radio times having been done by someone else. CAT me, DG. lol.

[CurryMaid]

Just marking my place so I can read this later.

[foxytocin]

in that case lacka glad i haven't had the time -to read the thread.

d'you think then that Daisy set out on a public relations exercise with the nest of vipers MN regulars? you know like the David Cameron web er chat.

[onebat]

eh, foxy?

[hunkermunker]

I asked questions pretty early on in the hope they'd be answered.

Hey ho.

[hunkermunker]

And it was my bloody idea she came on in the first place, rude, I call it...