How the other half lives, what and when you learned

[tomorrowalready]

Reflecting from another thread made me realise it was not until my 20s I found out some people expected to have a private bathroom. I went to university then and shared with another mature student who had been married, divorced and said she found having to share a bathroom with unrelated people unpleasant. I had always taken it for granted as had live in jobs and rented bedsits before. She was a lovely person and also the first person I knew who had a glass of wine every evening and she introduced me to many new things - cooking with garlic, sherry, owning and using a car for shopping for example.

So what did you take for granted that surprised other people you met?

[SwiftlySilverSun]

I’m sure they meant no offence!

[Marmitemarinaded]

I was very privileged from very wealthy family

I thought everyone went abroad every year
Everyone had a sahm for a mum
Everyone did loads of sport at school (private school, long hours, lots of sport)

And a load of other little things that were the product of going to private school and existing only in that world.

Gradually real life seeps in.

[SwiftlySilverSun]

Can remember going to a friends house and they had a dishwasher, we didn’t get one for a few years, and a toilet with an extractor fan lol. 😀

[maddiemookins16mum]

We grew up well fed, clean, happy etc…..but when I was 22 I went to Nanny in Canada (1986).
The family had 3 bathrooms
2 cars
They ate pancakes and syrup most mornings (something I dreamed off and aspired too 😁😁😁)
They ate ALOT of beef and steak (this was Alberta so pretty normal I believe)
Fresh veg (not tinned peas)
They ordered Chinese which was delivered in those carboard taller containers you only saw on TV in US TV shows
One of their cars had air-con

[listsandbudgets]

That some people don't have a table and eat off their laps on the sofa. When I was at university a friend invited me to.staynduring the summer.. flabbergasted no table at all.

Also that some people only have brand new furniture without a second hand item in sight. Ours was a mishmash of good second hand some antiques bought cheaply at auction (our kitchen table came free from a house clearance.. see above)

Enough space. Some years ago I jad a job that took me into people's homes. I went to 3 bedroom house in an inner city area. Multi generation. Grand parents bedroom 1. Parents bedroom 2. Children 1 to 4 bunk beds bedroom 3. Children 5 and 6 mattresses on tiny landing ( you had to step over them. Oldest aged 17 slept on sofa and had to wait until everyone else had gone to bed before he could. Kitchen and living room were tiny and where there weren't people there was washing hanging up...BUT the whole place was absolutely spotless. The children were immaculate and I was offered chai and snacks in tiny kitchen. They were desperate to find a larger home and who could blame them ?

[cariadlet]

I moved South for my first teaching job which was at a school with a mostly middle class intake. I heard someone talk about their cleaner and was genuinely shocked. One of the friends I had made when I moved down was a cleaner but she worked for extremely well off people who had huge detached houses in the country. I thought that only rich people had cleaners; not people that I might meet in real life.



Another time, a parent apologised for something about their child's uniform and said there had been a problem with the ironing lady. I had no idea that it was even possible to send clothes out to be ironed.




When I was young, money was very tight but by the time I got to secondary school, we lived in a nice 3 bedroom semi on a modern estate. If I'd ever really thought about it, I'd have considered us to be very comfortable and secure. But going to uni was still a bit of an eye opener.



In my first term, I went out for a drink with some of the girls from my Halls and they decided to go to an Indian restaurant after. I was quite used to going to a cafe, ordering something and paying at the till when you ordered but I had never been to a restaurant for an evening meal. Growing up, we sometimes went to the fish and chip shop to pick up something for a Friday or Saturday night treat but never ordered a takeaway or went out for an evening meal. I felt really awkward because I had no idea how restaurants worked or what to order.

[blissfulllife]

I was fostered for a short time by a posh family. I was 11 and remember being so shocked that they bathed everyday and they had a shower!. Not just a grubby bath that you shared with your siblings on a Sunday night lol

[MySecretHistory]

@BlackLambAndGreyFalcon

Possibly outing, but I didn't realise until my mid-20s that most people have Yorkshire pudding as a side with their Sunday Roasts rather than served on its own as a starter as it was in my house!

That’s the traditional way

[Tavelo]

I'd never had pizza or pasta (unless you count spaghetti from a tin) until I was almost a teen, seemed very exotic and I was surprised to meet people who ate them so frequently. It wasn't until I went to uni that I learnt bread could go mouldy, in our house it never lasted long enough too. Similarlly we kept the butter in the cupboard because it never lasted long enough to go off.

[blissfulllife]

@SwiftlySilverSun

Can remember going to a friends house and they had a dishwasher, we didn’t get one for a few years, and a toilet with an extractor fan lol. 😀

Oh I want a toilet with an extractor fan!!!

[sasbiscuit]

In my early 20s I spent several months travelling across South America.

I had decided at 15 it was what I wanted to do and saved all Christmas and birthday money as well as working at a fast food chain part time for 3 years. I saved £6k.

The first 6 weeks of my trip was on a small group tour. I was the only one not 18, not private school, not on a parent-funded gap year and not going on to Oxford or Cambridge

[CatherinedeBourgh]

I’ve never had this as my mother’s friends would fly us to their farms in their private planes and my father’s family was from a very working class background, as were several of my father’s subsequent wives (he had 5 by the time I was 20).

My big shock was when I realised (as an adult!) that there were people who judged others on how much money they had, or who thought that extreme wealth brought happiness.

[Monestera]

Oh sod off @Neondisco is right. It is offensive and she, neon, explained this nicely.

[MySecretHistory]

@Lemonmelonsun

Boyfriends mum served salad separately in a little dish! Not sure if that's posh or something from abigails party?

Never appreciated a drive, a drive to easily park cars like we grew up with, nor a house surrounded by garden.
I was shocked at uni when a girl didn't know what brie was.

American

[Monestera]

My first proper boyfriend came from quite a middle class background. Every Saturday they had soup and sandwiches for dinner (lunch) and I couldn't believe the extravagance as both soup and sandwiches were a meal in their own right.

[cariadlet]

@blissfulllife

I was fostered for a short time by a posh family. I was 11 and remember being so shocked that they bathed everyday and they had a shower!. Not just a grubby bath that you shared with your siblings on a Sunday night lol

I remember when I was at primary school, Sunday night was bath night. My sister and I used to share the bath. Ever other day was just a wash at the sink.



Later, we were more comfortably off so hot water and heating weren't such a big deal. I can remember how cold beds used to be in winter when we were little. They only warmed up once you'd been in a while. I think we had central heating so the radiators upstairs must have been switched off to save money.



I remember when we had a shower put into the bathroom when I was a teenager. I'd only ever had showers at swimming lessons so it was very exciting to have one at home. They seemed very luxurious.

[CrouchEndTiger12]

@fraddu

I didn't realise how many people were "supported" by their parents. Even now I'm still surprised by people I know in their 30s/40s who have holidays paid for or money to help them move up the ladder.

Absolutely.

Friend of mine is 39. Her parents gave her a huge chunk of money at 33 to buy her flat.

They pay for holidays every year together for them.

Friend took out a car loan and parents paid that off this year.

For heavens sake stand on your own 2 feet is what I think.

[sashh]

This was when I was in my late 30s.

I moved to a council estate. Neighbours' grandchildren visited and they were nice kids, one would do odd jobs for me (I'm disabled) in return for 30 mins kids cable channels. Nothing too strenuous, not child labour things like getting bread from the shop.

He used to talk about, "I had a... once" and I wondered why he didn't still have his electronic gadget or mobile phone.

I had never heard of pawning children's toys / gadgets.

That's why he had great Xmas presents but they had gone in February.

I don't think this is typical but I was shocked that anyone did it.

His mother didn't have a bank account and if she got a cheque would go to a cheque cashing place and be pleased she 'only paid £5'.

[ChristmasShearwater]

i miss the old days. family home. what we took for granted. family.

Oh me too, alexdgr8, me too. Your post really struck a chord with me.

[thelegohooverer]

I remember being astonished when a uni friend, leaving at the end of year, threw away a branded top with a small hole under the armpit. I fished it out and mended the hole and wore it for several years.

I was amazed at branded clothes too - I thought everyone knew better than to waste money on labels. I was genuinely astonished that people who were intelligent enough to go to university would do that! (I was also amazed later at the difference in quality when I could afford good clothes myself).

I vividly remember my first takeaway - having no idea what to order, and being impressed by my friend blithely calling in the order.

Another friend went Christmas shopping to a posh department store and bought a load of perfume box & bubble bath box sets. Her budget per gift was more than mine for all my gifts.

[InMySpareTime]

I grew up on a council estate, DH went to Private School from the age of 3. There were multiple culture clashes when either of us stayed with our parents.
Eg:
Me- wondering why the knives were weird and pointy when they served fish (they had a "dinner service" that was kept in the dining room, including fish knives and cheese knives).
DH- having to wash dishes between lunch and dinner because there were only 6 plates/forks/knives in the house.
Me- having to separate some of the crockery and cutlery after meals because "the bone handled knives can't go in the dishwasher and the gold edging on plates isn't dishwasher safe".
DH- finding out that there were only certain routes to my parents' house that were safe to walk after dark.
Me- finding out that a "guest bedroom" was an actual thing (my bedroom was immediately taken when I left for uni, there was not space for unused rooms).
DH- eating a meal composed entirely from yellow-stickered random ready meals, dished up from tubs in the kitchen, and learning that this was standard fare.
Me- eating a meal served from pots at the table. Each pan had its own coaster to protect the table, and its own serving spoon with a spoon rest.

[happystory]

I didn't know people had things like red currant jelly and cranberry sauce with meat. The only condiments I knew were vinegar and HP sauce!

[RampantIvy]

My dad usd to work for British Rail, and had reached a level where he and his family were entitled to travel very cheaply or free in first class.

I remember a train journey where I had walked along the corridor to use the toilet (this would have been in the 1960s, and trains pre-dated the Intercity 125s). I saw a couple of women sitting on suitcases, so I told them that there were plenty of empty seats. They told me that second class was full and the empty seats were in first class. I felt utterly mortified.

[SquirrelFan]

Recently had brunch at a posh hotel. The waiter brought a little table for some women's handbags. Not mine!

[Pogostemon]

This is all fascinating. I’m realising that my weird upbringing has actually had advantages. My family background is basically upper middle class, but I grew up with very little money and went to ordinary schools with normal people.

So there actually has never been a huge shock of realisation moment.