Campaign to highlight how mad WFH with kids is during lockdown

[UntamedShrew]

Hi MNHQ

Please have a read of this thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/coronavirus/3902119-is-it-just-me-or-is-this-working-from-home-with-children-completely-unsustainable?pg=6

I don’t know what the answer is, I just know this is having a terrible impact on parental and child mental health.

Possibly government policy to ensure parents’ get some paid leave to care for children and that jobs are protected If they do so?
Some talk of relaxing lockdown so families can share the load?
And definitely, definitely, a meme about wine o’clock and a suggestion to get the play dough out or try bbc bite size is NOT going to cut it.

Other ideas on the thread, do have a read.

Can you help?

Employers for men AND women with children should allow staff to block out two hours per day in the working day for home education. For those in receipt of government help, it should be a requirement. That way for a double earning household four hours education support is available per day.

I am the only person in my organisation who does the job I do. Me not doing my job could have potentially serious consequences for the organisation. As a result of Coronavirus, I am busier than ever. Therefore, I can't take unpaid leave. For that matter, I can't take paid leave either as the time I had off over Easter and scheduled for May HT has been cancelled.
My DH is in a similar position, if not worse.
We have two DC who are essentially being ignored. 7yo DS is increasingly tiresome and I am fairly certain it is simply attention seeking. I also don't have time to use time consuming strategies to deal with these outbursts. It's hideous.
The impact on my physical health is really getting noticeable. Averaging less than 6 hours sleep a night, eyes feeling odd from so much work on a small laptop, no time for exercise.

DH and I both WFH in demanding jobs, his is NHS and of an on-call nature so although we are tag teaming it, his needs to take priority over my (much higher paid) job in education at the mo.

We have a 7 year old who is being sent shitloads of school work everyday and school ringing parents if they don't do it. Not us...yet. I also have a hyperactive 2 year old who is exhausting and needs constant supervision or she would injure herself, or worse.

Both kids are miserable. 7 year old in particular is very quiet and desperate for 121 time with me or DH. 2 year old just wants to be out, misses childminder friends and interaction with her wider circle. Her behavior is atrocious and her sleep is even worse.

DH and I spend all of our time, evenings and weekends too, working to make sure we are pulling our weight. His department is very male dominated and they all have wives who work PT or SAHM who do the bulk of the domestics. DH pulls his weight at home. I work in a team of 6, no other parents and I have a constant fear they will come up with some rule about not WFH while in charge of kids. I have too much work to be furloughed. Most of my friends are furloughed and having a fab time (I know I'll get shot for saying that) and I am insanely jealous.

I am a mess. My mental health is fucked, I'm on my way back to the eating disorder I had in my teens (mid 30s now). I am snappy at DC and DH, I blame myself for their issues TBH. When this started I came on here to ask people's opinions on sending DD2 to CM as DH is a keyworker and was shot down, in many nasty ways and told other people cope. I actually deleted my MN account after that as I was in floods of tears. Still am on a daily basis. I can't do this until September.

I do really agree that this is an unprecedented crisis affecting families with no magic solution. It just depresses the hell out of me to have this light shone on how so many families still depend on the woman sacrificing herself and her career and doing all the shit work. I would love this to be a moment in time where women en masse step up and bring about change for themselves once the dust has settled on this situation. I somehow doubt it will though. I just get so frustrated with how many women are on MN complaining about their shit lazy husband who leaves everything up to them but they continue to stay in the marriage and accept it. Until women stop taking this shit and start expecting more of their partners, with a knowledge that they are prepared to be single rather than be someone’s inferior doormat, nothing will change. Sorry for side tracking an important thread and maybe this isn’t an issue for solving now in the middle of the crisis by my goodness is it not an issue to be recognised. THIS IS NOT A FEMALE PROBLEM ITS A PARENTS PROBLEM. Please let’s present it as such.

Sorry for side tracking an important thread and maybe this isn’t an issue for solving now in the middle of the crisis by my goodness is it not an issue to be recognised.

I’m sorry, but now really isn’t the time.

I agree that it should be presented as a parents' problem (and indeed a children's problem, child safety and mental health matter hugely and don't seem to feature in Government calculations), but I also think that we should be realistic about how much greater the impact is on women if it isn't fixed, which is why it's appropriate as a Mumsnet campaign.

@CinnabarRed perhaps you’ll feel differently when we’re out the other side and have statistics showing how the mental health and economic prosperity of women was so badly affected compared to men. I disagree, now absolutely is the time to examine all the inequality issues that this situation is showing up and learn from them. If we can’t do anything about them immediately, file away and act when we can. But yes we should be examining, learning and understanding what is going on around us in all senses.

Some amendment to the furlough scheme could help. The government is willing to pay 80% of salaries for people to do zero work (if they would otherwise be at risk of redundancy) and lack of childcare is mentioned as a potential reason.

My employer can't furlough me as there is no-one else to the essential parts of my role. I can't afford to take unpaid leave and am fast running out of annual leave that I am taking to try and give my kids some time and attention.

If the furlough scheme could be extended to help support those who need to reduce their work rather than stop entirely, that would be great.

I have 2 employees in my team who are being furloughed on 3 week rotations. They both care for elderly relatives. If they could each be furloughed 50% of the time so they worked part time rather than fully on and fully off, it wouldn't cost the government any more but would massively help them.

@Schoolchoicesucks the contrast with the furlough scheme is very stark, and the wrong exceptions in it, I agree.

@Longtalljosie I like this suggestion:
Employers for men AND women with children should allow staff to block out two hours per day in the working day for home education. For those in receipt of government help, it should be a requirement. That way for a double earning household four hours education support is available per day

The only thing I would add is some policy to protect the jobs of parents who take up this scheme, so it isn’t just lip service. Too risky that it’s a factor in redundancy (if disguised) currently a eg if you’re judged on billable hours.

There are other ideas on the linked thread, and for those asking what we suggest as an alternative do have a read as there are suggestions on there - as well as a very vivid picture of why it’s needed. Thanks.

PS for those of you finding it easy, I’m really happy for you. Honestly I am, you’re so lucky. We just ask you to empathise with those of it finding it hard and we aren’t asking for anything that puts lives as risk. At this stage just feeling ‘seen’ would be a start (but only a start).

Also supportive of this. Agree it's a parent issue rather than a woman's issue as such however it will disproportionately affect woman as they tend to be the lower earner (due to career breaks or going part time due to children and various other reasons that there have been numerous campaigns to try to address) and if couples have to choose a job to save (which it will come to for some) they will chose the higher wage. Also I suspect there are more single parent woman (with primary residency).

It is mostly a child issue though as parents trying to balance work and education/childcare is not feasible long term and will have an affect on child welfare.

I know there is no magical answer at the moment but more work is needed to find it beyond the transport secretary basically saying suck it up. It would be good to see the issue highlighted in the media or by the government and potentially solutions suggested ahead. At the moment the possibility of the premier league returning or people being able to buy pansys seems more important to people in power.

Not extra cost to the state.
Possibly using paid for childcare in the home as pre schoolers sometimes do.

If only one in ten people want schools to re-Open then maybe we can register to go back first?

https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2020/may/09/poll-shows-people-think-uk-handled-coronavirus-worse-than-italy-spain?CMP=ShareiOSAppp_Other

What we would like is a planned package of support for parents to mitigate the financial impacts of the crisis (as there has been for other affected groups). With a particular focus on the low paid and on long term effects.

The first step needs to be acknowledgement and recognition. Media & government supportive messages recognising this is not just difficult but that women are worried about losing their careers, independence & place in society.

Secondly - numbers. How many parents have already had a reduced income or had to give up work entirely? What is the cost of this to the economy and the exchequer (eg in increased benefit claims?)

Thirdly: mitigating actions. For example:

• special paid leave
• extending maternity rights not just to new parents but parents with children of all ages eg right to take time off to home school with job being held open and Statutory Maternity Pay
• I also really like long Josie’s suggestion above about 2 hours paid leave per day to home school
• Government reminding employers that they must not discriminate on grounds of parental status
• increase in child benefit for those eligible
• rescue package for childcare industry to ensure can reopen when crisis passes
• incentives to encourage people to register as childminders and nannies delivering safe childcare
• plans for wraparound care
• ensuring women and parents are included in programmes designed to help the economy recover after the crisis and in international aid programmes.

I’m really hoping some of this is forthcoming in upcoming announcements from the education secretary. Some certainty around dates and what types of childcare provision will be considered safe and when would be so helpful.

I think some sort of assurance that if we have to take leave or productively drops during this home schooling period it can't be used against us if there are redundancies or used to start disciplinary proceedings against employees (with caveats against people taking the piss). I think I'd be first for the chop in redundancies if they come.

All these suggestions around paid leave for childcare would be brilliant but I’m confused about how people think it can possibly be funded. Business can’t afford to pay people for work they aren’t doing and the government can’t bank roll us all for much longer. I think it would be better for businesses to be compelled to allow parents to reduce their contracted hours for a set period so parents can manage their hours better between them, and to do them flexibly between say 7am and 7pm unless there is a cast iron business case that they can’t. DH and I do 30 hours a week each by doing 5/6 hours each over 5 or 6 days and look after two under fours while the other ones working and it works fine. We’re honestly not any more tired from that and it’s very efficient as no commuting time means one of us can be working at every moment from 7am-6pm. I can see that two full time jobs would be much harder. Yes the household income will drop but in most cases I believe that a drop of 80% income could be managed especially with the far reduced childcare bills, no holidays etc. that are another impact of this situation. We are heading into a monster recession so we need to get used to awful economic situations with no easy answer unfortunately.

@Littlebelina but how could that possibly be enforced? If an employer wants to make a certain person redundant they will find a way to present the case that doesn’t look to break such rules. And I do struggle with the notion that someone who has worked at full capacity, done all their hours and produced solid work, could be made redundant over someone who did a feeble hours here and there, not producing adequate quality work. I know when I was childless I would have found that pretty discriminating. It’s so hard with no easy answers.

• a few hours that should say, not feeble!

I agree it would be difficult to enforce and some employers will always find ways round it. However something that says performance during this short period (short of gross misconduct or similar) can't be taken into account for redundancies in the next 12 months might protect some parents (or even others struggling). If you are looking at performance prior to this period, it's more of a level playing field. I would have thought strong performers (either parents or otherwise) will still be trying their best and piss takers will always be piss takers. You can find ways to reward those stepping it up at the moment, I know my employer is.

Thank you for this thread. I'm wfh as is DH. We have 3 kids 'at' school. Really struggling to work, do school stuff and not go bonkers. Cannot keep this up till Augyst. Also worried about impact on the kids. Needs to be higher up the agenda.

My poor output as a separated mum of a toddler has meant I have been put on furlough belatedly. I am now at a redundancy risk. Until nursery reopens I can't do my job.

Strongly believe that measures need to be put in place to help working parents of young children during this crisis.

I too would like to see some consideration of this somewhere in the national debate. I listened to the govt announcement this eve and then Keir Starmer being interviewed on R4 afterwards. He made the sensible point that people who may now be expected in work by employers will struggle with transport, but completely failed to mention childcare. I was left with the impression it's just not on anyone's radar.

I'm a lone parent, completely on my own for the next few months as the DC's dad lives with a shielded relative. Due to return to WFH full time again tomorrow after a short period of furlough. I am really hoping there will be more guidance tomorrow. I have relatives and friends all offering to help, but they are not currently allowed.

I know lots of people are suffering, but some discussion and acknowledgement of this somewhere in the acres of political debates, news coverage etc would help me at least feel less invisible.

It would really help if I could send my primary aged DC into school - even one day a week would ease the pressure a little. Or be able to swap childcare with another LP or send them to my mum one day a week.

I am an academic and I'd love to be furloughed but the work will still all be there when I get back. Students are panicking and I have a duty of care to them too.