missed miscarriage? considering options

[SilverBoots]

10 days ago I had a scan at the EPU - I'd had a small amount of pale pink/brown discharge the day before & a slight tummy ache (low down on the right).

I thought I was being over cautious as I'd had a mc last Oct & was very shocked when told the gestational sac was less than 5 weeks & yolk sac & embryo were absent. I should have been 6+3 weeks pg. I am sure of my dates.

I haven't had any bleeding or pain since & my body still thinks it's pregnant.

My next scan is on wednesday - there won't be a miracle baby on the screen, so I need to consider my options & want to go prepared. I'd really appreciate a bit of advice as I know, unfortunately, that I'm not the only person this has happened to.

Is it best to let nature take its course? how long does it take to recover from an ERPC?

(I guess it might be the hormones, but I'm finding that DH is being less than helpful at the moment).

Thanks x

[Bdunta123]

Hey all. So I finally miscarried this week. Thought I'd share my experience as it's good to reflect but also found reading all these personal stories so reassuring. Hopefully this will give other people some guidance on what they might expect etc.

So private scan on 29/4 should have been 10w6d. Scan measure 6w6d. Knew dates couldn't be wrong as had positive test on 10/3. I was devestated. Had all the pregnancy symptoms. I got referred to early pregnancy unit for a scan but they made me wait 9 days to the following Monday 8/5 as they wanted to compare growth in case dates were wrong.

It was the longest week of my life. Real emotional ups and downs. I decided not to go to work tues-fri, as a PE teacher didn't want to get caught in a lesson on a field with no toilet facilities nearby. It filled me with dread. There was also an element of shame as a handful of people new and I wasn't ready to tell anyone the sad news. The whole time I was at home I was obsessing over what an MMC was, what will happen in an MC, whether my dates could be wrong, what my options were. I have to say the waiting around was worse than the actual MC for me. I wanted to have the d&c as quickly as possible as I was petrified of miscarrying naturally at home.

I had cramps off and on the week building up and all my pregnancy symptoms disappeared four days after the first scan and the sad news. Interesting how body catches up once brain knows. The next bit has a bit more of the gorey details (I found this helpful to read) but if you are squirmish, skip it!!!

My first MC symptoms started a day before the scan when I was exactly 12weeks. Started with brown discharge and more griping cramps. Couple of hours later proper red scarlet blood when I wiped. I never really got a heavy flow like others described. Not sure if this is because the baby had died 5/6 weeks earlier so had broken down or whatever? Who knows. Lots came out when i sat in the toilet but not much actually into the sanitary towel.

The next morning I rang the EPU as I was unsure whether they'd still want to scan because of bleeding. They were lovely and said they still did and wanted to know I was ok etc. The Dr and Nurses were so nice. She confirmed it was an Mmc, that the sack and fetal pole we had seen in scan (I took a copy with me) were just big dark blobs now because they had begun to break down etc. She showed me my uterus and where the pregnancy tissue was and also checked my ovaries etc and said everything looks healthy and normal. She told me to do expectant management as it was very low down and said it should all come out within a couple of days or so. She signed me off work for another 5 days and told me not to rush back and to take this time to get body and mind back. She said that when the sac/embryo comes out that I will get sharp pains and likely to feel a 'gushing' sensation. She also said that we could try again as soon as I wanted which was nice to know as so many people say you should wait a while. Good to know that medically there is no reason to wait if you don't want to.

Anyway, went home prepared for the worst. The whole thing lasted only 4 days. Sunday- Tuesday I had average bleeding with stringy tissue clots (so gross) but really bad low ab pains, some just like crappy period pain then other times waves of contractions that took my breath away. All I could do was take paracetamol, have a hot water bottle constantly, breath deeply, curl up and watch tv, eat chocolate and even some wine when I was up to it. On the Tuesday night the cramps changed. It was more like what I can only describe as 'pressure' deep in my uterus really low down. Constant - like super long contractions that lasted several minutes would ease off and then be back moments later. Almost like having a toddler sitting on your lap when you have period pain and a full bladder. Felt like it was going to pop! Or like waistband was cutting into my bladder. It felt hard and bloated. But I had no bleeding at this point so didn't know whether this was the big build up or just my uterus being angry! I went to bed dosed up on meds and my water bottle and hoped for the best. I woke up at 5am, sensing I'd started bleeding again. Went to the loo and suddenly without any pain, something definitely fell/gushed out. I chose not to look, but I knew it was the 'big' but I'd been waiting for. About 50p size. And instantly I felt a real sense of relief once it had happened. I got cramps and some bleeding for about 3 hours after. This was this morning and I have just experience my first afternoon of no bleeding or cramps (at all!!!) and enjoyed an evening out with the Hubbie. I feel sooo much better, as light as a feather, that this nightmare has finallly come to an end. I've had no bleeding and just occasional twinges in uterus. But taken no pain relief since 6am this morning.

I know everyone is different. From my experience of reading these experiences from people, no two stories are the same. But reach out to people. You are not alone. People don't talk about miscarriage enough. I had no idea that you could MMC. We (women) have to put our minds and bodies through the most stressful experience of making and growing a baby. It's not as straight forward for everyone. Friends and family who haven't been through this will try and say the right thing. But they will never know how you are feeling. We can only learn by others. To anyone who's just found out they have MMC my heart goes out to you. All I can say is every day that passes will get that slightly bit easier. If anyone every wants to chat feel free to message me xxxx all the best for your baby making futures xxx

[Bdunta123]

Any help/advice on this would be great. What do you think of the dates? If the pregnancy test was taking day of fertilisation then technically that was 7 weeks ago yesterday and scan said 6w6d so could be viable! But surely so unlikely as doesn't scan include +2w where nothing actually happens? So does this mean that the fetal pole was conceived 4w6d ago? Because if that's the case then it can't be as symptoms started before and pregnancy test two weeks before that. Also the ovulation sticks if they said peak then surely that means that's when it happen?! I've had only healthy symptoms of pregnancy, no bleeding, discharge or stomach/back pain.

So confused. Don't want to be hopeful but just want to fucking know, you know? I want someone to tell me that it's pretty impossible based on those dates etc so I can prepare myself mentally for what's coming. So scared that this might happen at home, that is my worst nightmare. 😭

[user1493107917]

Hi
I just wanted to post on this thread to say thank you to everyone who has shared their experiences. It was incredibly useful for me to help make what is one of the hardest decisions of my life. I found out at an early scan that I had had a MMC. I thought that I should have been 8 weeks but the pregnancy stopped at 6 weeks. It was a complete shock - I still felt pregnant and I had no signs of anything being wrong. It was my first pregnancy and I don't know if I am just incredibly naive, but I had never heard of a MMC; I thought that if something was wrong, then there would have been bleeding. As with many of you, they wanted to wait a week to confirm this but indicated that the reality was that the pregnancy was not viable and that I should consider my options. In that week I hoped so much that the miscarriage would just happen, that my body would deal with everything so that I didn't have to make a decision but as the week went on and still there was no sign of any changes I realised I needed to deal with it. Although I wanted it to happen naturally, I felt that my body had had time for this to happen; by the time I had to make the decision it had been non-viable for almost 4 weeks. Personally, I couldn't continue living in this limbo and knew that I needed to make a choice. Having read about the unreliability of the medication on this thread, it decided to have the operation. When I arrived at the second appointment to confirm my MMC, I was clear what I wanted. My doctor informed me that the hospital I was at didn't actually offer the medication anyway as they had conducted a study in which they realised that about 1 in 6 women were having to return for further treatment. I was then offered to have the treatment under either local or general anaesthetic. The doctor was lovely and explained the pros and cons of both. In the end I opted for the local and I am glad that I did. It was very uncomfortable and very upsetting when I was in there but the recovery was very quick (I left the hospital within an hour and a half of coming out of surgery) and today (less than 24 hours later) I feel physically fine with some minor bleeding.
To everyone who has gone through/ is going through similar experiences, I am sorry - this is absolutely never something that anyone should have to go through. Thanks again to all of you for helping me.
Best wishes to everyone xxxxxx

[JustLittleOleMe]

I couldn't find a more recent convo to join but wanted to add my experience.
I'm so sorry to all those that have experienced miscarriage of any kind. It's a harrowing time.
I have just had my 3rd miscarriage in a row.
The first was only 5 weeks and just like a heavy period.
The second was a missed miscarriage and I opted to wait for it to happen naturally.
The third I opted for a d&e (basically, the operation for removal) My operation completed only a few hours ago.

I feel at a time when you have lost your hope and dream of what was supposed to be and lost control of your body, the one thing you should have it the opportunity to make an informed and unbiased decision.

When I opted for the 'natural' passing, on my first missed miscarriage (9+3 approx) I had to wait 11 days for it to really start. I woke up in the middle of the night and experienced what I feel imagine labour pains would be like, not a painful but quite hard to endure as there is nothing great at the end of it. It took about 4 hours of the 'contraction' style cramping to pass all the bigger pieces (I'm not sure if that's the right way to say it, sorry)
I was quite taken back by the pain, weird feelings in cervix and afraid of what I may see. The experience was a little traumatic and had quite an emotional effect on me for some time. It then took a further few days for my uterus lining to get down to the right thickness (just period style bleeding with a few little clots)

This time, I decided that I wanted to make sure I did my best not to let it affect me emotionally, as deeply as it had last time, so I opted for the surgical management. The procedure I had, was called a d&e or evac.
It started with the medical management tablet, to soften the cervix etc. You are supposed to take this around 2h (ish) before the op, usually before it really takes hold.
Unfortunately, my operation was delayed for an extra 4h, but I still managed to hold on and not pass naturally. I was determined to feel as little as possible, to lessen the mental impact.
The operation went very smoothly. A 15 minute operation, incredible staff. I came around quickly, and was out of hospital within 2h!!
For me, the operation was so so so much better. I'm so glad I had it.

Every person has different fears, and different ways of dealing with things. But I really feel we all need good info in order to make the right decision.

1 more thing I really want to add!!
If your hospital can't fit you in soon enough, and you want the comfort of knowing it will be 'over' asap, call the next closest hospitals EPAU department, and ask for a transfer if they have a slot. I just did this, and am SO pleased I did.
If you have private health care phone the private hospital. If they say they don't think they do that procedure on reception, tell them you've read on line that they do. Worked for me (but they couldn't get me in sooner than NHS by the time I thought about calling them)

There are risks with every choice, but this was right for me. I hope this helps someone

xxx

[Jakey87]

pink your emotions are totaly normal, i often find myself crying whithout obvious reason, i lie in bed crying at night somtimes and woke up crying for the first week after i lost my little jelly bean. i did go to the doctor who recomended counciling or an emotions therapist as i lost my brother the month before i mc and i was a total emotional wreck. i didnt go for counciling tho as i didnt like the idea of talking face to face with a stranger, although im seriously considering it now as i need to pull myself togeather and get back to work before i end up in debt and im dreading telling or people asking about the baby and havig to explain all that happened.
im also not into taking pills to mask the problem so whem my doc offered anti depressants i said no and he didnt argue.
deciding to try again is a big step but if you feel time is not on your side and you can face another pregnancy then talking to your husband and following your hearts will be the right desition for you. there will be all sorts of advice from doctors etc if you do decide to ttc again soon. it is a shame you dont have your family around you when you need them most but like most of mine they are at the other end of the phone when u need a good rant or a friendly ear, and the girls here on mumsnet are great, they have been a real life line to me and to be honest i got more info on here than i did from my local hospaital.
take care hun and good luck in whatever you decide for the future x

[pinkje]

Thanks so much for your support Jakey. I live abroad so my family are not physically close though we talk on the phone. The friends I do have here are very nice but I feel myself pushing them away. Husband is busy at work so he helps when he can. I have taken my friends' offers to help pick kids up from school so that's good.
I think I'm suffering now from the loss of pregnancy hormones, I cried for about an hour last night and don't feel much better today. I don't want to be medicated with anti-depressants so I'm avoiding my doctor right now.
I know I have to focus on the future and decide whether we want to try again. I'm 42 this year so time really is against us. Despite how rubbish I feel now I do believe I could manage another pregnancy.

[Jakey87]

Hi Pink,
so sorry for your loss.
MC is a pretty scary experience no matter which managemet option you choose. i found lack of controll over my own body realy hard to deal with.
feeling edgey and being off with the kids is only natural, im sure your children will forgive you for screaming even if they dont understand why.
give your self time hun, the physical and mental healing times are different for everyone, just be knid to you self and dont over do it if you can help it.
do you have people in RL to support you or help with the children?

take care hun x

[pinkje]

Hi there girls

Just read your stories and wanted to add that I too have just had a missed miscarriage (they call it a missed abortion where I am, not the UK) and was scheduled to take the cytotec if I didn't misscarry naturally within 10 days.

After a second scan (which I insisted on,just in case) I started to bleed and I did miscarry naturally last Friday. The bleeding was the worst - I couldn't stray too far from the toilet - but the pain I could manage with a hot water bottle. I'm now on day 4 and still passing 'products' but a scan today revealed that I wouldn't need the D & C.

It has all been a shock as up until 10 days ago I thought I was having a normal pregnancy and it was at the 11 week scan the scan operator said she couldn't see the heartbeat.......

I feel better now but I am still edgy and am finding it really difficult to cope with the children I already have. I am screaming at them all the time but they are too young to understand what is going on.

Anyway I feel better having posted this....

[Jakey87]

MummuAbroad.

i realy hope you get the all clear with your scan on saterday.

i know you desperatly dont want a D&C but it may be that your body simply can not evacuate all retained products and the doc may advise D&C for your own sake to prevent infection as you can not be on antibiotics for ever.
i sincerly hope that things will get underway for you soon hun, i know the waiting is hell and the wanting to ttc again and not being able to is terrible.

good luck with scan and let us know how you get on, the girls on here are a god send at times like this.

take care hun x

[MummyAbroad]

Thanks Jackey87

My doctor would love to do the D&C, all this is really at my request, because I told him about what happened after the last one. I had hormone treatment and then used the pill to regulate my periods, but because my cycle was all messed up for such a long time I had developed cysts which also needed treating. All of which I wouldnt want to go through again.
I guess I am just really worried about how much time I have left to try again for another baby. My doctor also said scarring of the uterine lining is a possible side effect of the D & C, but at the end of the day having one is not always avoidable. According to the NHS website, Medical management is only 85% effective (the D & C is 95% and waiting is 50%)
A D&C is definately quicker, less painful and with a better recovery time BUT I am worried about long term problems

I am really glad it has worked for you and you are on the road to recovery, at least physically. I hope you are feeling better emotionally too, but I guess that is going to take some time.

I am having a scan on Saturday to see if everything has cleared out or not. I am really nervous about it because the doctor doesnt want to do anymore pessaries. This is definately the worst bit about medical management, all the uncertainty of when it will end.

best wishes to you xxx

[Jakey87]

Hi MummyAbroad.

so sorry you are going through this hell time and time again, is there no way you can request a D&C from your private doctor? what about discussing the return of periods using the contraceptive pill, i know this will take a while to sort your body clock out but from what i have heard taking the pill regulates periods in a matter of months, then you can ttc again a month after stopping the pill

its a good job they have given you antibiotics just to be on the safe side, my antibiotics seemed to speed up the bleeding but also gave me an upset stomach so hope you get abbetter deal with them hun.

i totaly understand what you mean about baby not wanting to leave your body, i waited 9 weeks for mc to happen naturally but nothing happened so i chose medical management and still had a doctor physicaly remove the retained sac from the neck of my womb so i know the emotional rollercoster you describe.
i will say that once all retained products are gone the bleeding and cramps less soon after.

i hope this can be over for you soon,
take care of your self hun x

[MummyAbroad]

I'm on antibiotics to reduce the risk of infection, and they havent offered me a D & C because I started out saying that I really wanted to try to avoid one - I am paying for a private doctor, so they try and accomodate you. The public service here (in costa rica) probably would have insisted.

I had a D&C in the UK after my son was born (retained placenta) and didnt get my period for a year after. I'm 35 so I feel like I cant afford to wait that long to start trying again for a baby.

I went back in today for my fourth, yes FOURTH round of pessaries, god I hate being in those stirrups now, and I am seriously doubting whether it was worth going down this route. Anyone considering it should bear in mind what a rollercoaster it is on your emotions, everytime i have been back i have expected to get the all clear only to be disapointed. So far all the cramping and bleeding has been managable though, no major pain - maybe thats the problem!

This baby just doesnt seem to want to leave my body...

[MummyAbroad]

Hi Jakey87,

I so sorry to hear that you are feeling rough, I think you are ever so brave to go through all this at your age, at 22 all I had to deal with was hangovers and essays. It is very very unfair that you have to experience all this. Is there anyway you can get to see a counselor? Sleepless nights and crying a lot isnt something you should ignore or put up with. Talking things over with a professional can help you get over this quicker. I know you will get over this with time anyway, but sometimes its better to be proactive and speed up the process. Your GP can refer you to someone, the waiting list might be a bit long, but get your name down now, you might be really glad you did later.

I really hope that you start feeling better soon, you have had your bad luck and now you only deserve good things to happen to you.
take care,
xxxxxx

[Jakey87]

mummyabroad

so sorry things didnt work out for you last time and you have to go through all this a third time.
im very supprised they have not offered you a D&C by now to make sure you dont get any infections.
i realy do hope it will be third time lucky for you and this can all be over for you soon.
take care hun, thinking of you x

[MummyAbroad]

Hello everyone,

For those of you considering a medically managed m/c, I thought you might like an update. I went back yesterday, for my THIRD dose of pessaries as the ultra sound scan revealed that there was still remains in my uterus. Once again I felt cramps like a bad period, manageable with a hot water bottle and parectemol. However, my doctor advised me to try to avoid any kind of pain med (he prescribed me some heavier stuff to have as back up though) because it might reduce the strength of the contractions.

I was SO disapointed that it hadnt worked.
I hope to god that its third time lucky for me as I found it really hard to go through this time, not so much painful as really really really uncomfortable.

I should add that I am not in the UK, so I dont know if my treatment is exactly the same as over there. I am getting cytotec pessaries, nothing orally.

To babybecks, I would say, take as much time off work as you need to recover physically and emotionally and dont put the needs of your boss/company over your own. You need and deserve a rest period, take it and you will find that you eventually recover quicker than if you try to soldier through this.

[Jakey87]

hi becks,
so sorry you are going through this also. i waited 9 weeks for my mmc to happen naturally and still nothing happened so i ended up going for medical management (tablets and pessaries)i was kept in hospital for 2 days for observation and then allowed home but i felt in no way fit for work. i wold imagine you would need more than one day off work as mc is totaly exhausting physically and mentally and as i have read on theese threads a natural mc can last a good few days of bleeding and cramps. why not talk to your gp when the bleeding starts and ask for a sick note or letter to your manager so you dont feel under so much pressure to return to work asap.
it has been just over 2 weeks since my mc and even though im still sore when lifting and bending and still bleeding my mental state is no good to be working with my clients who need physical and emotional care them selves so i am still off work, wouldnt want to damage myself or cause any problems at work so i figured it best to stay off till the end of my 1 month sick note and then see how i feel. please try not to push your self too hard, your health is most important right now even if your employer dosnt see it that way.
take care hun x

[mylovelymonster]

Sorry - glitch somewhere

[mylovelymonster]

I had this at 12 weeks, and was offered a D&C (?) but was told naturally would just be like having a period. I should have opted for the D&C. Naturally was hell for 10 days, physically and emotionally.

I'm so sorry for your loss - at the time it made it much more bearable for me to know that the pregnancy had not really got off the ground and I wasn't actually losing a baby, if that makes sense.

I now have two beautiful girls.

Love and a warm hug to you xx

[mylovelymonster]

I had this at 12 weeks, and was offered a D&C (?) but was told naturally would just be like having a period. I should have opted for the D&C. Naturally was hell for 10 days, physically and emotionally.

I'm so sorry for your loss - at the time it made it much more bearable for me to know that the pregnancy had not really got off the ground and I wasn't actually losing a baby, if that makes sense.

I now have two beautiful girls.

Love and a warm hug to you xx

[Jakey87]

hi mummyabroad,
hope u are as well as can be expected and thing are on the move for you.
almost 2 weeks later and im a complete basket case if the truth be known, waking up crying and crying my self to sleep most nights because of the injustice of all that happened. i cant belive they keep sending you home to just get on with it alone without medical staff.
physicaly i am exhausted, not sleeping etc, the bleeding is just like a normal period now keeps slowing to a kind of discharge then coming back full force. i still have pain when lifting and bending but i have managed to leave the house where as before i was afriad incase it all happened outside and i couldnt get home. im hoping things will settle soon so i can try to regain some kind of normality.
i realy hope things will be over for you soon also so you can gain some kind of closure, do let us know how u are hun
take care x

[MummyAbroad]

Thanks Jakey87, what a horrible thing to go through at 22. I take it you are OK now? How long did it take you to recover?

I went back to the doctors today for a second dose of pessaries (3 days after the first) I was told my cervix had started to soften and enlarge, so this round should be more successful.

I think it is a bit worse than a smear test because it takes longer and there is more stuff to do. Smears are over in a minute but I was on the table for about 30 mins today with the doctor poking around all the time. Not painful but SO uncomfortable and stressful that you almost want to jump off the table.

I had my first son naturally (no epidural) and have had lots of smear tests, so I guess I was prepared, the procedure you had must have been just awful Jakey87, I hope you never have to go through that again.

Thanks for you post xxxx

[Jakey87]

mummyabroad, so sorry you are going through this too. i had the same problem as you with the tablets and pessaries, my cervix was very tightly closed.
i was in hospital when i has the passaries and second dose of oral tablets, was supposed to be in and out on same day but because my cervix was so tight the doctor had to remove the sac by hand as it got stuck.(not plesant) and i ended up sating in hosp for a while just for monitoring.feels similar to smear test doc said (i wouldnt know as im only 22 and never had one before)
i was in a lot of pain and had a lot of bleeding after the first tablets and to be honest even tho that day in hospital was total hell and i wouldnt wish it on anyone, i was so pleased when it was over so i could go home. i realy hope you have a better time of it than i did hun, i know exactly what you mean by waitng for the flood gates to open and not knowing what to expect, all i can say is that the different methods affect each of us very differently as i learned here on MN and that codine realy dose help if the pain gets bad. take care hun, i hope its all over for you soon so you can concentrate on getting well again.

[MummyAbroad]

Thank you everyone for sharing your stories, I am going through this for the first time and it really helps to know I am not alone.

I had a scan at 15 weeks and found out the embryo stopped developing at 6 weeks and the sac at 10, apart from a very very light bleed I had absolutely no other symptoms and thought everything was fine. What a shock.

I had an ERPC after the birth of my first son (bits of retained placenta) and it took a year and some hormonal treatment for my periods to start again. I would rather avoid going through that again as I am 35 and would like to try and have another child soon.

Its interesting that it seems to be different for everyone, lots of women on here seem to recover from ERPC well.

Yesterday I had one dose of pessaries to induce my body to expel whats left, I had a bit of cramping and bleeding equivalent to a normal period. Either I have been lucky and it was very easy or it hasnt really worked The doc said my cervix was very closed so there was a chance I might need to repeat the procedure in eight days. Inserting the pessaries was quite uncomfortable but not painful. I was in stirrups for about 20 mins. Emotionally its a bit tough too as you go home waiting for the floodgates to open at any minute and not knowing what to expect.

I am really hoping thats the end of it, but unfortuanately with this treatment option, I will just have to keep my fingers crossed until I get checked again.

Best wishes to all the brave women going through this. xxxxxx

[musicposy]

So sorry to hear that, SilverBoots. Look after yourself at this difficult time. I hope the birth of your neice will give you lots of joy. It's difficult when happy things are mixed with your own sadness, but as you say, it does get easier over time. Wishing you all the best. xxx