Waiting two weeks for ERPC - feeling angry and upset

[swancourt]

I am supposed to be 9 weeks 3 days pregnant (according to LMP; 8 weeks 3 days according to when I think I ovulated and my usual cycle length). I have two children and had a MC at 5 weeks before I had them.

I had sore boobs and back ache this pregnancy, but I didn't ever have sickness or nausea (I had a LOT of sickness and nausea with my two healthy pregnancies). And then last Thursday there was blood on the tissue when I wiped. I went to the GP who booked me in for a scan on Monday, but I didn't want to wait that long so booked a private scan on Friday and it revealed a missed miscarriage. I have been lightly bleeding ever since.

On Monday I went to my NHS scan with my report and photographs from the private scan. I was rescanned and it revealed no change. But then I was told that the NHS needs two scans and won't accept private scans as evidence. I have a scan next Wednesday (so almost two weeks after the first scan) and have been told if I want an ERPC (I do) I should be able to have it the next day. The nurse said there is not even a one in a million chance that this pregnancy is viable, and she wishes she didn't have to make me wait for purely bureaucratic reasons, but there's no way around it. She even went off and asked a senior nurse if they would take my private scan evidence, but she refused.

I am fed up. I wanted to try for a third baby a year ago, but my coil was stuck and had perforated my uterus. It took six months and a complaint to PALS to get it taken out. Then three months trying to conceive, and now I'm two months in and stuck in a similar but worse situation - I want this baby out, it isn't alive and may never have been alive, and I have to wait until somebody somewhere can tick a box. In both cases the medical staff have said 'I'm so sorry it has to be this way - we're currently fighting this policy as it is so heartless to women in your situation, but there's nothing we can do'.

I am sick of being told this. I am sick of being asked to carry things around inside me that I don't want there. I don't want to wait another week for my ERPC. I am sick of going to the loo and checking for blood. I am sick of waking up wondering if today will be the day it happens naturally. I am sick of being off work and letting everybody down. I am sick of not being able to move onwards with my life.

I am posting this here because I don't want to be a massive drama queen in real life and feel like posting anonymously will at least let me get my worst thoughts off my chest.

[Dextyboo]

Oh swan you sound much better. I was glad to get straight back on the wagon after my mmc before i had too long to worry about it all again haha. Fingers crossed for a bfp in the very near future.

[Riley3007]

Hello all
I've never posted before but felt compelled to share my situation, as I too feel let down by the system.
Currently 10wks pregnant but due to on/off light to heavy bleeding have had scans at 6,7,9 and 10 weeks. The latter 3 scans have also shown the pregnancy has not changed in size since 6 weeks, and although there is a faint heartbeat detectable, I have been assured that it is certain to end in miscarriage as I am certain of my dates.
I was advised by my GP in advance of the 10 week scan that I would be able to discuss options with the hospital if the pregnancy was found not to have grown for a 3rd scan in a row. However, I was told under no uncertain terms (by an extremely rude nurse) at the hospital that "we don't abort foetuses" and that my situation did not qualify as a foetal abnormality for termination on medical grounds so have been advised to come back again next week.
As this is now the 4th week I have been aware this pregnancy is going nowhere, am keen to move on and get back to being a mum to toddler, back to work and back to feeling normal rather than being in this limbo and round robin of hospital, GP and scanning appointments.
Have this week been meeting with Marie Stopes, but this is a situation I feel have been forced into as I have not had the adequate support, advice nor empathy from GP and EPAC.
Anyway, apologies for the long post. As you can see, I have no advice but hopefully from sharing stories makes everyone feel a little less alone.

[DangerMouth]

I had a mmc at 9 weeks. I had one scan and they were encouraging me to have surgery (my choice) as soon as possible. This was 18 months ago and in London.

I'm really sorry you're having to wait OP and others

[pandabear75]

I Really feel for you Riley3007 no one should have to go through that; it's a horrible low low feeling that just comes over you in waves and 4 weeks is simply too much. I also was so shocked at how rude a nurse in these situations can be. I'd held it together quite well at the scan until that point. Thinking of you and how brave you are. Xx

[pandabear75]

I just didn't believe we have no say in these situations. There should be a way to stop this happening. I'm having my third scan next week as they wouldn't accept the first private scan.

[Riley3007]

Thanks Panda, I hope your situation gets resolved soon too.

I too was shocked at how some medical professionals can act in these situations I know pregnancy loss is part of their everyday jobs, but they do need to consider their words and actions when dealing with such an emotive topic. I dealt with the same nurse when I had an ERPC last year and when's asking for a fit note for work was told "you'll be fine to go back to work in 48 hours"...maybe so but I had already been off for 3 days by that point due to heavy bleeding and waiting to be seen by the EPAC.

[swancourt]

riley that is absolutely horrendous. I am so sorry you are going through this.

That's absolutely ridiculous to say you could go back to work 48 hours after an ERPC. A general anaesthetic is no mean thing by itself, and I was advised that it could take a week for me to feel fit and well enough for work. It all depends on how you react to the anaesthetic, how much bleeding you have, and also what kind of job you do! What a ridiculous assumption to make. I'm so sorry you have had so little proper empathy.

I just don't understand why a woman who wants an ERPC when her pregnancy is not viable is not afforded the same rights as a woman who wishes to have an abortion. I don't mean that in any way against women who opt for abortions - am very much pro-choice (and to be fair, having never had an abortion, I don't know how women are treated in that situation). But surely it is OUR call to make - we should be given the facts and if we decide to go ahead, as long as the doctors and nurses know that we are making a decision in full possession of the facts then it's really up to us.

This is only a very small thing, but my husband was shocked today when the nurse told us to wait for two months. I asked her if there was any medical reason for that, and she said 'no, but the thing is, you've had a miscarriage, so you might get all anxious and upset next time around, and we get ladies coming in here saying that they're six weeks pregnant just to get an early scan because they're anxious, and they're not six weeks pregnant and it just causes confusion for us and upset for them when they don't see anything. So wait a couple of months to avoid that'. My husband couldn't believe his ears - I don't think as a man he has ever been given advice by a medical practitioner on anything other than medicine. Nobody has assumed he is going to be too anxious to know his own body (without even knowing him), made him feel that his desire to understand his own health is an inconvenience, or suggested that he would either lie or delude himself about a medical issue. Nor has anybody ever suggested that he would be confused and upset if he didn't get a test result he wanted, and to plan his life around possible emotional responses he might have to events that haven't even happened yet. That this is just standard advice to miscarrying women is so ridiculous. Give me the medical facts - sensitively - and let me make my own mind up!

I really really hope you get some answers soon, riley. Could you try to see another GP and get a second opinion? Hugs to you xxx

[Keri33]

Hi swancourt, I hope you are doing ok. I have just been reading your post and I feel exactly the same, this long drawn out process does nothing for the wellbeing of the people going through this.

I found out 4 & half weeks ago in an early scan that our baby had stopped growing at 6-7 weeks (I was supposed to be 8-9 weeks) I had to wait another 2 weeks for another scan, following that they wanted me to wait for it to happen naturally, I wasn't prepared to do that, also scared about theatre and decided to go medical management route which was booked for another week on, went in for that last week, loads of pain but I haven't passed anything significant, (just a browny discharge when wiping) no further pain and that was a week ago now, when I speak to the nurses all they say is 'it could take two weeks to work' I try explaining that I've already been in 'limbo' for nearly 5 weeks now and I can't take much more of it, they tell me they won't rescan me until I've taken a preg test in a further two weeks (3 weeks from day of medical management) I just want to move on, I just want to feel normal again and do normal things without wondering if it's going to happen. I just want to feel like I have some sort of control and I want to feel myself again and also start trying again. I'm at home with my 8yo, my fiancé has had to go back to work working away and I have exams and placements to start in 3 weeks (I'm a student nurse) and I just wish we were able to be given some control over what we want to happen. This feeling is the worst feeling in the world.

Sorry I have been me me me but I wanted to say I empathise with you completely, this sucks x

[Riley3007]

Thank you for the support swan, I'm glad at least your situation is moving forward.

It is ridiculous re the ERPC vs abortion. I'm even being told by Marie Stopes that my reason for termination is a "grey area" as there is a faint heartbeat; albeit no growth for 4 weeks. They offered me the surgical route but only in a London hospital as nowhere local to me (am based in Kent) can do it, due to impracticalites of that am now opting for medical management method. All others I have dealt with, Marie stopes, London hospital and GP seem incredulous that local hospital won't do anything. Am back to see different GP tomorrow to push for further answers.

Re ttc again, as there is no scientific evidence to support either waiting or trying again straight away then it seems ridiculous the only reason to wait for a cycle is for dating purposes. And anyway, you can quite easily pinpoint when you ovulate with tests etc which provides any supporting evidence you need to date your pregnancy reasonably. I conceived on my 2nd cycle after ERPC, I had very light period 4 weeks after ERPC, took a test on day 0 just to check ( negative), got all usual ovulating signs around day 12-14 then BFP 3 weeks later- you know your own body, when you did it especially when ttc which should avoid confusion around dates!!

Xx

[bananafish81]

I am truly sorry and shocked at your experiences, sending all the love and hugs in the world

I cannot imagine the pain of having to wait like that - it's cruel and unnecessary, just pencil pushing red tape at its worst

It doesn't have to be that way

I discovered at my 10w scan last Monday that I'd had a MMC - no fetal heartbeat and the baby only measured 9+3

That was at 10am, I was in theatre for the ERPC at 6pm, and I was home by 9pm

This was obviously not NHS, BUPA do actually cover miscarriages, and my Dr arranged for an urgent admission to get it done ASAP

He had the ultrasound report confirming the baby had died, and that was good enough for him to believe the baby wasn't going to spontanously regain a heartbeat. He performed an additional ultrasound once I was under general anaesthetic to confirm there was no fetal heartbeat, before he did the procedure, so I only had to see the unbearable stillness of my dead baby on ultrasound once

I realise that theatre slots can't be arranged so quickly on NHS but there is absolutely no reason why they have to make you wait a week in limbo when there is unequivocally no fetal heartbeat.

Mine was IVF so we knew my dates were bang on, but nevertheless even if the size was out, the whole 'no heartbeat' thing was pretty conclusive.

I am so angry that you were put through this - discovering my baby had died was horrific enough, without being made to suffer in limbo

Much love and strength to us all xxx

[bananafish81]

All that said the private experience was still fraught with utter balls-ups: as I was an urgent admission there were no beds on the floor where the gynae admissions normally go, and the nurses where I was didn't know what an ERPC was - they all thought I was in for an ERCP (a routine endoscopy to look at the pancreas), so I had to keep explaining I was there to have my dead baby surgically removed

[Mrschn0804]

Sorry to hear about everyone's sad experiences. Just to add that I am in a similar situation, bleeding for 2 days and scan revealed missed miscarriage (supposed to be 13 weeks, but fetus only 6weeks in size and no heartbeat). Being made to wait a week for a rescan (because the hospital were late sending me for a regular 12 week scan and I hadnt had it yet), and then another 5 days after that for erpc because they only do them on tuesdays. So angry at the system, and just want this to be over so that I can run around again after my toddler without the fear of miscarrying in the street in the meantime. Instead I have to sit and wait in limbo for what might or might not happen. Thinking of you all. :(