Stuck in limbo

[leothecentipede]

Hi. I started spotting 8 days ago and was worried about lack of symptoms. EPU scan showed that although I was nearly 9 weeks with my dates, I was only measuring 6 weeks and there was no heartbeat. I was to come for another scan in 6 days to confirm there had been no growth.
Over the weekend after the scan, I had so much pain, like a very bad period but also with painful contractions which hurt in my back and my tummy. I started bleeding heavily, although not worryingly heavy. I never flooded, gushed etc which I sometimes get on the first day of a period. I have passed many clots, although never the size you would expect the sac to be. My second scan on Wednesday showed a piece of tissue remained, measuring about 2cm, but then at a change of angle with the internal scan, there was the sac, still in there. It looked to be collapsing in on itself compared to the first scan, in which I could also see the tiny embryo.
Midwife was amazing and talked me through all available options, and I will go into hospital in 5 days from today for the tablets/pessaries which will hopefully encourage my uterus to empty.
In the meantime it may still happen at home.
To be totally honest, I just want it to happen at home. I want to hide away in my own bathroom and take all the time in the world to pass the sac and have a good look at it and have a good cry while I say goodbye.
I just feel stuck, not knowing if it will come out or if it will have to be helped with medication or even onto the more surgical procedures.
I am just in emotional pain and in limbo. Stuck. I cried so much the day we found out. So much that my face was puffy all the next day. I have cried a couple of times since then but I feel like I can't properly cry until I am empty of this pregnancy.
I just wanted to share but also ask how others coped.

[PossumPoo]

Hi Leo, sorry to hear you are going through this. I'm going in on Monday for a smm and I know how you feel, I really want it to happen before hand but I'm not bleeding and at an internal on Wednesday the dr said my cervix was closed so unlikely to happen.

It's ok to cry enough that your face puffs up!

Everyone copes differently. I'm trying to spend time with those that I love and be thankful for what I do have. Which I know isn't for everyone.

Take care of yourself

[Erica21]

Hi Leo,
Just wanted to drop you a line to see if it would help. 6 weeks ago I had a mmc at 12 weeks (baby around 9-10 wks when it died) I had 12 wk scan on the Thursday which showed no HB and then was offered options of a natural MC at home, or ERPC 6 days later. I really wanted the ERPC straight away as I didn't want to bleed for weeks on end waiting for everything to come away. I felt it was the way I could deal with it best. I felt so in limbo knowing I had to wait 6 days for ERPC, but 2 days later I naturally MC at home. There was a tiny baby that I took to the hospital for histology, and there was an awful lot of gushing blood. I managed to get the hospital to book my ERPC for the Monday, before I MC at home. I went in for an internal scan and they found retained tissues so still had to have ERPC anyway. The in limbo feeling is awful. I really sympathise. Have you been offered an ERPC? At around 6 weeks you may only have a lot of clots (from reading others experiences) you may not see anything definitive... Would you consider surgical management to help move forward? That is the only reason I had the ERPC was to know that everything had gone and I would be able to move on in time. I cried a lot before the MC, after it happened it all felt medical and 'matter of fact.' I have off days, like today, when everything feels too much and I want to cry but you will eventually start to feel more positive. Do whatever feels right for you, but it is a journey and you will need time for grieving and understanding and then moving forward when you feel ready. Sorry for your loss xx

[thesmallbear]

Hello Op, your situation sounds very similar to mine. I had scans at 8 weeks, 9 weeks and 10 weeks. By the scan at 10 weeks they confirmed that the pregnancy was not viable and I had medical management (everything was measuring seven weeks).

I was told that it would be like a bad period but I actually had contractions and it was the worst pain I have ever experienced in my life. I think my reaction was at the extreme end of the scale and it is not that bad for most people but try and be prepared for the worst case scenario. I was told to take paracetamol and ibuprofen for the pain which did NOTHING. I eventually went to an urgent NHS walk-in place and got some co-dydramol, so maybe see if you can get some beforehand in anticipation rather than suffering. Please also be aware that the tablets can make you vomit and give you a severely upset stomach. If I were to miscarry again I would definitely have the surgical management even though I'm a bit scared of anything surgical.

I understand why you would want this to happen at home. At my hospital once the bleeding starts they let you go home so everything can happen in your own home.

I've posted more about my experience on a previous thread

//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/2124857-Scared-im-going-to-lose-this-baby

I am sorry you are going through this, it is shit

[thesmallbear]

Also, in my case the sac came out pretty much whole (six days after I'd been given the tablets, however, again my case was unusual as everything usually comes away within a few hours) so you maybe able to look at it like you want. In my case I knew something was happening because I felt like I wanted to push a little bit and I just knew this was different so I put my hand there to catch it (sorry if TMI). It is not like a blood clot. There was no foetus in my case but it I did feel this overwhelming urge to protect it, it's strange. I totally get why you want to see it.

I think for some people though the sac can break up into pieces so you may not necessarily know when you've passed it. This thread may help too.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/a2139540-How-to-know-if-miscarriage-is-progressing-normally

[leothecentipede]

Thank you all for your kind words. I am sorry that you have all been through miscarriages. Sorry for your losses.
I am still hanging in here. Had some pain and bleeding yesterday which I hoped would build up enough to pass the sac but they just tailed off again. Not bleeding too much just passing small clots whenever I go to the bathroom.
Erica, regarding surgical management, I have had a previous miscarriage at 11 weeks which was so quick, so sudden and with lots of bleeding. At that time I was whisked straight to theatre without knowing what was happening. I think that is what is holding me back this time. The urgency and the surgical side (anaesthesia etc) terrified me. I suppose it wouldn't be the same this time as I have obviously had lots of time here to get used to my situation. I am worried now that Wednesday won't be the end of it. They might give me the medication and I will wait for days like you did, smallbear.
I just wish it was over.