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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

After miscarriage how do you face trying again?

6 replies

CupOfTeaSandwiches · 24/02/2013 12:44

Just that really.

I found out that I'd had a missed miscarriage on 28th January. I already have two DC and I had presumed that it was just my cervical erosion bleeding so I went to get checked out.

I was sent home for a week to wait for another scan but I knew it was pointless. I should have been 8 weeks, but all there was was an empty sac.

I arranged for an ERPC immediately after the second scan. Second scan showed slight sac growth but no baby so my ERPC was done and I went home.

My emotions are all over the place. This was a much wanted and tried for 3rd DC, but I feel like a total fraud because the sac was empty and I had only light bleeding after the ERPC, so I got off so lightly in comparison with others. But in my heart it still was my baby and I still get terribly upset.

DH is really keen to try again and so am I - apart from the absolute terror that strikes me when I consider it and the chance of going through something like this again. I will wait until my periods return to normal in any case, but how on earth do I face it? How do I stop being scared?

This is probably a stupid question, I'm sure there is no answer to it.

Thank you for reading.

OP posts:
Bakingtins · 24/02/2013 15:23

Sorry to hear you lost your baby Sad
No answer except to find some people going through the same to share the madness with - really nice thread here for people TTC after recent miscarriage.
If it helps, after a single MC you have an 80% chance of it all being ok next time, compared to 85% for all pregnancies. I never found stats very helpful though, I don't want to know what the chances are for the average woman, I want to know my next baby will be ok and that I won't have to go through it ever again.
I have 2 children and have had 2 MC, one between the 2DCs and one last year, and I'm now 7 wks pregnant again. It's not a nice time, but chatting to others in the same boat does help. This is our last shot, we agreed if this goes wrong we won't try again, I couldn't do it a fourth time, but everyone has their own limit.
Hope you'll come across and join us when you feel ready.

TrudyW · 24/02/2013 18:31

Hi there, sorry for your loss. Your miscarriage is incredibly recent so I imagine u won't even be able to comprehend trying again right now. We lost baby number 2 in a MMC at 13weeks in October and I said I couldn't try ever again, we were devastated, but even though I'm still crying the odd day still I decided I had to try again and we started trying mid January. We have had no success just yet, find out in the next few days if we've been successful this month so I'm just keeping my fingers crossed. Just take your time and do whatever feels right for u. I will never forget the baby we lost, it will always be our second baby even though we never got to bring it home. If we're lucky to have more babies they will not replace our lost one and it will always be in our hearts. Wish u all the best on your journey and luck when u do decide to try again xxx

Rachel184 · 24/02/2013 18:56

I'm so sorry for your loss. I feel your pain, I've recently had a missed miscarriage at the end of December. I went for my scan and the baby had died at 9 weeks.

I have been trying to get pregnant for 4 years, 2 miscarriages one at the beginning and one recently. I had all the tests going and then, only when I was in the hospital and they asked me my blood type before I went down for a D&C did I find out I'm O neg and the probable cause of miscarriages and no pregnancy.

I then had to get plasma to stop my body rejecting babies. Which is prob why I didn't think I was getting pregnant! Although my periods have been irregular since my first miscarriage, I could have been pregnant numerous times.

This made me so ANGRY! Angry And I did consider that I couldn't go through this anymore and couldn't stand the pain. It took 5/6 weeks for me to have sex again, and even though I STILL haven't seen a period, the most important thing in the world is myself and my partner becoming pregnant and that's how I carry on.

I couldn't bare not ever being a mum, the thought breaks me. I can't think too much about what just happened to us, it's too raw & painful. I just concentrate on the future.

Good luck you xThanks

Chottie · 24/02/2013 19:01

I am further along the path. DD then three consecutive miscarriages and then DS. I did think about the three miscarriages I just could not carry on, but I'm glad I did now. But, and it is a big but at the time I did not know that there would be a good outcome.

It is so, so hard to go through miscarriages. I wish you all good luck for the future Thanks

LadyKinbote · 24/02/2013 19:07

It's so hard, isn't it? I decided to have unprotected sex as soon as my hormone levels were back to normal (not sure if that's the official advice - pretty sure I didn't wait for my period though). The first period was very upsetting as I'd hoped it would happen straight away but I was very lucky and had a (successful) pregnancy straight after that. Do what feels right to you - we all react differently to MC.

SaggyOldClothCatpuss · 25/02/2013 00:53

I dont think you do ever stop being scared, or sad. Until you MC you dont realise how precarious this whole PG thing is.
But I think, at least in my case, having seen the positive change my lost PG had on my family relationship, we need to do this for us, and with my wonderful family around me, I can face that fear with the hope that next time it will be ok, and if it isnt, we have each other to lean on.

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