Just found out I had a MMC - what happens now?

[icklemssunshine1]

Hi all,

Started a thread yesterday debating whether I had a MMC or whether my dates were wrong. Anyway I had a transvaginal scan today & no foetus was detected. As a heartbeat was spotted last week they want to scan me again in a week's time as a doctor wouldn't do anything with being 100% sure. I knew my dates were correct - my last LMP was 4/12 yet at scan last week the foetus was only 6 weeks.

What I want to know is what should I expect now? Will I miscarry naturally or what are the alternatives?

Any advice would be gratefully received.

[littlemissmalibu]

I have just found this post and had to reply. Sorry for all of your losses. It is just awful :-( Ickle, I too found out that i had a mmc at my 12 week scan on February 22nd. The baby had died at 6 weeks and had no heartbeat. What a shock. I too had to wait for one week because they wanted to rescan me. At the 2nd scan they confirmed that there had been no changes and that the baby was 100% gone. I was devastated. In between the first and second scan i did alot of research on what options i had next. I couldnt stand to wait for it to happen naturally because ive heard it takes weeks. The thought of surgery terrified me :-( The doctors asked me which option I would like to choose. I opted for the medical management although i was frightened of what to expect. I had read stories of people being in intense pain from the drugs and being distressed when finally passing their baby and seeing it. I was told by the hospital to go early on Sunday morning to start the treatment. Luckily i had my own room. I had the first lot of tablets vaginally and then two more tablets orally 3 hours later and then another 2 lots of tablets after that. I had nausea, chills and upset tummy. I was on and off the toilet for about 5 hours after taking the 3rd lot of tablets. I wont go into detail but i had cramps but nothing major. I didnt need any painkillers. The nurses told me that what i had passed was not the baby. I was offered the option of repeating the treatment again on Monday. I repeated the whole process again and unforunately no baby passed again. My body clearly did not want to let go! I was discharged from hospital on Monday evening and I was added to the waiting list for surgery. Before I was discharged I demanded a scan because I wanted to see if anything had passed before i opted for the surgery. I was told that they would not usually offer a scan. Luckily for me there was a cancellation on Tuesday morning for a scan. I had the scan on Tuesday and the scan revealed that the sac and the baby had moved from my uterus and were sitting just above my cervix. I was sent to the ward immediately and I was offered the option of trying the medical management one more time due to the baby being so low down. I was so desperate to avoid surgery so i agreed to have one more go at taking the drugs. As a back up i was also added to the emergency surgery list for Wednesday. After taking the second lot of tablets I passed my baby along with the placenta and umbilical cord. I thought that I would be disturbed when I saw it but instead I was calm but obviously emotional. I was discharged yesterday and now I am at home resting. I didnt think I would be this weak. The bleeding isnt nice and i keep feeling faint. The only thing keeping me going is thinking about trying again. My thoughts are with all of you that are also going through the same thing as me. xxxx

[MrsSpencerReid]

It's hard isn't it I have another friend who is 32w but she is having a crappy time and had a previous mc and has really supported me through the last few weeks so I can just about cope with that, also, I like her will try and find the support thread

[icklemssunshine1]

Oh Mrs, that must have been awful. Seeing my friend yesterday and her telling me her EDD is 10 days after what mine should have been made me feel sick. At least she had the good grace to not talk about get pregnancy but I made her. She is my friend though & I don't want her to feel like she can't share her happy time because its painful for me. Things are such a mess!

dora had set up a support thread, hope to see you on it :)

[MrsSpencerReid]

I had a wobble today, went to mil and OH cousin was there talking excitedly about her 20w scan I didn't know she was there till I walked trough the door, a warning text would have been nice! I didn't like her before, like her even less now!

[dorapeppageorgenoddy]

Ickle - exactly what I felt/wrote on my post as i was going through it was the loneliness surrounding it -

Be gentle on yourself, I felt very dark on the Monday & Tuesday but the pressure of returning was both negative and positive - and although very emotional when the first round of people asked me how I was (they did not know-just thought I was ill) I did feel better after the first day back -

But had another wobble when asked what my September plans are - just cried knowing what thy should have been -

Here for you if you need to chat - have started a thread for support that we can talk on x

[icklemssunshine1]

Quod, thank you. The passage made me cry but only as it depicted exactly what I'm feeling. Looking forward to the 'little waves' :)

Irn, you're absolutely right. Now this has happened I now know 3 people IRL who have also experienced this. Why don't we talk about it more? Now that I am going through it I realise what a lonely situation it can be - everyone carrying on normally whilst our lives have changed overnight. We should talk more so a good support system can be in place.

[IrnBruTheNoo]

Sorry to those who have been through this. I had a MMC early 2009. I miscarried naturally as I didn't want medical intervention and trusted my body would do what it had to do. It was like a mini-labour with contractions coming and going until the sac was finally expelled. Very upsetting time looking back now. No one prepared me for the practical side of things to come at that time (for example, you'd need a lot of maternity pads). I didn't realise so much would come away (sorry). It's a shame it is not openly spoken about more often, so we can prepare ourselves practically for these difficult times.

[Quodlibet]

Ickle I think that until we experience it we don't appreciate what a 'proper' bereavement miscarriage can be. It really is hard, the grief you feel runs very deep. Don't expect too much of yourself, you need to give things time and let those feelings come to the surface.

This passage, from a book about miscarriages called Unspeakable losses, really helped me:

'Grief, when allowed to happen naturally, tends to come in waves. After the first initial shock of the loss abates, waves of sorrow begin to wash over you quite unpredictably. At first the waves are huge and close together and you are afraid you will drown. Eventually they get smaller and more manageable, and you grow less afraid of them, although a big one can still take you by surprise. The phrase "working through" grief means that you are able to get to the point where you can just stand there and let the waves sweep over you and not try to run or to pretend you are not getting soaked. Standing there feeling the waves, you start to realise that this is as bad as it's going to get and you begin to understand that you are going to survive. That's when you start to pass to the other side of mourning: acceptance and making peace with the loss.'

[icklemssunshine1]

Can't believe how difficult this is. Most if the time I felt normal & then something reminds me that I'm no longer pregnant & I fall apart. I think hearing about my friend's pregnancy had just triggered the grief I was holding in :(

dora I'm the same as you. DH would like to try again ASAP & my friend told me that she has a friend who miscarried who felt the need to be pregnant by their EDD (& is), but I'm not sure. I would love to be a mother again & give my DD a little brother or sister but if I miscarried again I think it would break me.

Definitely a black day today. I go back to work Weds, I know it'll be hard bug hopefully it'll give me something else to focus on.

Hope you're all doing as well as can be :)

[MrsSpencerReid]

Oh ickle, that's shit. OH cousin is preg, got her 20w scan next week, I've blocked her on Facebook and luckily she doesn't live close, I didn't even like her that much before! I'm just trying to treat the bleeding like a normal period and try and get back to normal!

[dorapeppageorgenoddy]

Hi Ickle - glad physically all went ok this is the hardest part mentally - look after yourself and allow yourself to cry and talk to your partner -

Like you I had a friend who has announced she is 13 weeks this week - I knew early but did nt tell her I was pregnant too, thank goodness but this week it went public and it was hard -

Take care of yourself - my mind keeps oscillating between TTC again soon and going on the pill and ignoring it all for a while -

[Quodlibet]

Oh Ickle sorry to hear you are feeling so bad. That is really hard news to take on board.

[icklemssunshine1]

Hi Mrs,

I'm glad (if that can be the word!) that things are progressing as they should be physically. Same here for me. The period like pain has stopped and the bleeding is minimal. Emotionally I'm a wreck. Found out the a friend and colleague is 12 weeks pregnant with twins - EDD the same week as what should have been mine. :(

[MrsSpencerReid]

Glad you're feeling ok and you've got some time off. Hope you're being well looked after I'm feeling ok now, just got normal period bleeding and pain

[icklemssunshine1]

The ERPC was successful & I was allowed home last night. Touch wood but I've woken up pain-free & just having very light bleeding. I have been signed off work til a week on Monday so am going to use that time to relax & look after myself.

dora I hope work was a positive step for you. How are you feeling?

[dorapeppageorgenoddy]

Hi ickle - are you ok? Sorry only posting now had to go to work today!?! But it actually helped my mind as I was getting a bit dark-

Thinking of you -

[icklemssunshine1]

Mrs I hope you're not in too much pain & you don't have to have this prolonged with an ERPC.

Thank you all for your kind thoughts - and thank you for the virtual flowers Quod!

Am on the ward now. PM surgery begins at 2 but I don't know where I am on the list. Hopefully a Dr can tell me soon. Gynae ward is above maternity but manages to dodge any pregnant ladies. I I'd have has to walk past a pregnant woman smoking I would have had a fit!!

Will update later if I feel okay :)

[Quodlibet]

Ickle, thinking of you today

[MrsSpencerReid]

Scan confirmed mmc but as I'm bleeding already they recommended waiting a week too see if it happens naturally, got an appt next tues and if there still bits left I can have an erpc under local which is what I'm going to do. Hope tomorrow goes as well as possible for you ickle, will be thinking of you

[icklemssunshine1]

Actually dora I remember you saying that in one of your posts. Sorry! Got some nighttime pads in, plenty of puzzle books & a trashy crime thriller. (Plus loads of chocolate) All set I guess :-/

[dorapeppageorgenoddy]

Hi Ickle - I did nt buy the maternity pads they were in the ward loos already - nighttime sanitary towels have been fine - my husband bought all my stuff in as I did nt go home from the scan so he just followed my list! Anyway hope my badly written posts have made some sense!

Hope all goes well -

[icklemssunshine1]

Thanks again both of you for advice - really appreciate it :) I had day surgery in Oct (tonsillectomy) so I was the same regarding walking to theatre etc. I wasn't released that day though as although had surgery around 12 the anaesthetic made me sick so I couldn't eat, therefore when I did eat at around 8 it was too late to go home. I'm going to take my overnight bag just in case. As I have a scan in morning ice been told to go with a full bladder but not to have anything else to drink after, I can have a light breakfast before 7. Phew! I'm terrible if I don't eat! Good idea about taking some food! Off to Asda today to buy supplies. Can't face buying maternity towels (dora don't know how you did that :( ) so I'll buy this thickest sanitary towel. Hopefully I can by on paracetamol & ibuprofen; I do have codeine left over from my tonsillectomy but that made me sick.

Thanks again for getting back to me. Will keep you updated.

[Quodlibet]

Ickle I am exactly the same about wanting to know things in advance.

For my ERPC I was in and out of the hospital in about 3 hours, and actually took far too much stuff - there was no point me putting my own dressing gown on as I was only in the hospital gown about 30 minutes before my op, and then I got changed back into my own clothes straight after I came round. The one thing that I wasn't prepared for was walking into the operating theatre (day surgery) and getting on the operating table myself - I thought I would be wheeled in for some reason! Everyone in the unit was incredibly nice to me and I felt very very well prepared.

Take some light snacks that you think you might fancy when you come round, otherwise it's rank hospital sandwiches only. You will need to be nil by mouth on Weds in preparation (hopefully they told you that) so may well be hungry. Leave your jewelry at home (they cover wedding rings with a plaster).

For the whole of my MC I bought 3 large packs of sanitary towels and I still have most of one pack left over. Normal heavy-duty pads were fine for me, the bleeding was rarely very heavy and I was mainly sitting on the sofa not doing anything active. I took paracetamol and ibuprofen together for the worst pain (which was just a few hours when I was expelling the tissue). Heat packs/hot water bottles are good, and lots of lightweight bumf to fill the hours on the sofa, your concentration may not be very long.

[dorapeppageorgenoddy]

Sorry about typos - not even sure what Ben is meant to mean in the day ward bit! Sorry!

[dorapeppageorgenoddy]

I just had dark tracksuit bottoms/pjs with me about 4 clean ones and a dressing gown as when you are in the gown waiting to go down and afterwards the dressing gown helps - I got back to the ward at about midnight and was desperate to get out of the gown which was stained - my bp was too low for them to want me to go to the loo but I asked again and as the rest of the ward was sleeping they helped and I felt so much better when in my own clothes, by the morning I had to change the trousers again - but then it settled down -

Exactly as (can't remember the name as on my phone) the pp said it was strange how ok I felt and like her I probably did too much and the got pain, temp etc - I did nt go to ooh but was very tempted as felt awful but really rested and feel ok this evening -

Have a massive headache and dreading sleep but all ok -

Just pack as if you are staying in Ben of day patient as there is a chance you may stay in - headphones and iPod/iPhone as the ward at night is pretty grim and even the daytime is quite depressing -

I also did nt eat while I was in but was glad I had Ribena/lucazade for when you can drink -

They recommend maternity towels but they had them there as I had not gone home -

Like previous poster I was shocked no antibiotics to go home with, it used to be standard but maybe one of those cuts, ask about it as I think getting them afterward is quite common-

For pain relief I had codeine in hospital and diclofenic at home but only needed it post 48hrs -

They will go through everything before they went through if this happens we will operate here and if this happens we will cut here - so in recovery I remember feeling my tummy to see if I had any cuts!

Keep asking and here if you need anything -