How many pregnancies is too many?

[willitbe]

I have just had my 10th consecutive m/c, and confused over whether I should stop due to health.

I don't feel that so many times being pregnant and then not pregnant in the last 3 years is going to be good for my health. Hormones going all over the place.

I don't want to in 20 years time regret having been pregnant so many times due to health.

Mentally I am wondering if I should stop, emotionally I am not sure I have the strength to stop trying. I have been pregnant 14 times now, 3 children whom I love and adore.

Dh and I always pictured ourselves with 4 children, but number 4 seems to not be happening. If someone was able to give me definiative evidence that so many pregnancies will be bad for my general health then that would help me to decide to stop, but although everyone says it is not good, no one can tell me how this is so.

Sorry if this sounds all confused, it is because I am confused.
I wish I could let go of the hope that one day it might happen, but I find I don't have the strength to stop. Can anyone help me to stop!

[milkyways]

willitbe I don't know if this will be of any help but, after my last miscarriage my GP suggested I get my Vitamin D level checked as deficiency in this is also known to be a cause for recurrent miscarriages. I was highly deficient, and was put on a high dose course for 6 days to get my levels up again in early pregnancy. Also, I have read that Vitamin D-3 supplement is more readily converted into its useful form in the body with the help of Magnesium. For this reason, I am also taking Magnesium with vitamin B complex alongside my normal Vitamin D supplement.

[rosalina72]

Willitbe- just wanted to say I'm so sorry you've been through this so many times. Your mental and physical strength is mind blowing.

I don't think anyone can tell you whether you should stop or not as it's such a personal decision. However, I think if I were you the only people that could strongly influence my decision would be my husband and my child. How does you husband feel about it?

I think for me, if it gets to the point where I'm totally consumed by ttc and having another child I will probably know it's time to stop. I want to be there for the family I have now, not chasing the one that could be.

I would take some time to grieve this mc and in time you may be better able to make your decision.

I wish you the best of luck.

[willitbe]

Thank you for all your comments. I have been for councelling, and it really helped with me coming to terms emotionally with the loses.

I am not concerned about my mental ability to cope with this m/c or any other, having been through so many now, it is sad to say that it has become easier to deal with them. It was as if once I hit 5 m/c that I almost expect it each time, so it is not a shock and I don't find it as hard now.

Emotionally stopping is much much harder than continuing and having more m/c's.

Whomoved - I think you are right in that I need to talk to others who have been through so many, as it is not the same (don't mean to offend anyone) for those who have only been through two or three m/c's.

Lunatic - I know you struggled with all you have been through, and I was so pleased to hear that you had finally got your special baby. My oldest children are getting to an age now where it is getting harder hid that it is pregnancy that is making mummy sad and poorly at times. I think if my older children twigged what was happening then I would have to take their emotions into consideration and stop. But so far they have been protected from what is going on with the recurrent miscarriages, so I think that when they start asking questions then I would have to stop as I would not want them to feel the pain of loss.

Milkyways - thank you, yes I have been for councelling but it is the nutritional loss that is partly concerning me now. I had not thought about going to the GP for vitamin/mineral testing, but it might help me to ensure that I have been supplimenting correctly. I have been taking cq10 and extra folic acid but I am not sure about vitamin d or b, which I think can also deplet in pregnancy. It is this issue that concerns me most about continuing to ttc I think.

Catsy - I think my problem is that it is much harder for me to stop than continue, the more m/c's I have the easier it gets to deal with them mentally and emotionally, I am lucky in that they don't affect me much physically unlike some women. It is something in me driving me to continue, when I went for councelling it was useful to go through the process of grief to help deal with the m/c's. I have wonderful children and these help me enormously with the grief, one hug from my little boy and the world feels great again. I love my children, and love the family we have, however this does not stop the feeling inside me that there is a space at our table that should be filled with another child. Day by day I focus on the family I have. The strength I need is to stop, continuing ttc is the easy way. I really don't think I am strong enough to stop.

[whomovedmychocolate]

Do you have access to any counselling service as part of your treatment at the miscarriage clinic? There must be someone you could talk to there who could talk to you about it who can know your case history? Or the Miscarriage Association. I think they have an online forum (not trying to push you off Mumsnet at all but sometimes it helps to be among those who are going through the same at the same time IYSWIM).

[NoMoreWasabi]

Hmm, to be honest I think in your shoes I'd be waving the white flag given you have three living children. But it sounds like you find this a difficult decision to make.

I'd second the idea of some counselling (perhaps your GP can refer you in the circumstances) to talk through why you feel the need to keep putting yourself through it. This may help you to clarify your feelings and help you make some decisions. Good luck with it though, its such an unfortunate situation and I really feel for you.

[milkyways]

Oh willitbe, I had no idea this was your 10th consecutive miscarriage. I am so so sorry :(

Through my experience, I can say that the physical healing is quicker than the mental healing. With my mc's, after each one, I would start concentrating on the next pregnancy which (at the time) kept me preoccupied, but after 4, I finally realised my head and my emotions were a total mess. I feel that as long as you can feel you can cope then there would be no harm in trying, but you do sound confused and that is completely understandable. Have you got any kind of support at home or have you thought about meeting a counsellor to make sense of your feelings and thoughts?

The only thing that pops to mind when you say that people say getting pregnant over and over again is bad, is that I have read that certain vitamins and minerals in the body deplete stores with every miscarriage. In studies, CoEnzyme Q was found to be lower in women after a miscarriage. Things like these are easily rectifiable with supplements. Have you had a vitamin test done by your consultant or GP? I would recommend this.

It is very hard to stop thinking about the next pregnancy when you are going through this hell - it almost becomes an obession (I know it did with me). I am sorry I can't give you any substantial advice. I hope you decide what is best for you. You have most definitely had a very hard time of late, and I really hope things get better for you.

[Catsycat]

You must be very strong and determined to keep trying in the face of all the distress (physical and emotional) that you have suffered. I don't think it sounds like you "buckled" in continuing to try at all - more like you have been very committed in pursuing something you want very deeply. Reading your story I feel enormous respect for you.

I have only had one mc, but knowing how hard I found it, I have already said to DH that I would like to try again, maybe a third time if that goes wrong too, and then give up. Of course, who knows whether I would be able to stick to this if I were tried?

No-one could tell you that you haven't put everything into this; I really think many people would have given up by now. You deserve to give yourself a break if that is what you want and need (and you do sound like you could do with a break emotionally), even for a few months, menopause or not. Much as you have been strong in continuing, there is nothing weak in stopping trying to get pregnant.

Best of luck in making your decision.

[stupefy]

Honestly, 10 consecutive miscarriages is to many :( I'm sure your body will keep conceiving until the menopause but your emotional well being must be in absolute tatters and if i were you i'd stop now. I don't know if that is what you wanted to hear but I know how devastating miscarriage is and I couldn't do it 10 times.

Good luck making the decision :(

[BeattieBow]

willitbe I can only answer for myself, and my answer is that while it isn't bad for my physical health (maybe, long-term), it is very bad for my emotional health. I have been in limbo now for nearly 2 years dealing with ttc, being pregnant and miscarrying (and only twice for me too). I feel that I am just too preoccupied with this all, and the rest of my life is suffering, including my other children and my relationship with dh. as well as work, friends etc. I do know rationally I need to stop soon. Whether I can is another matter.


I am giving this answer knowing I have children already, I'm not sure I would feel the same if I didn't have any children.

[TheOriginalFAB]

I am not medically trained so know nothing but you have to do what you feel is best. As you have children maybe you should err on the side of caution and maybe stop?

We also wanted 4 children but I lost my son's twin and nearly lost the remaining twin and my own life in labour so for us it was easy. We had to stop.

I wish you luck.

[willitbe]

Thank you for your replies.

I have had all the recurrent miscarriage tests, been to 5 different consultants (including Raj Rai at lesley regans clinic) and all the tests are negative except clotting when pregnant with the TEG test and ANA positive result. Basically clotting issues should be solved with asprin, but I have done asprin, progesterone and heparin all to no avail.

I have not had the NKcells test or tried prednisolone treatment, but I am getting to the point where I think that perhaps I should realise that it is not going to happen and that grasping at straws to another treatment is just that - grasping at straws.

I have lost all the pregnancies between 5 and 11 weeks, the later ones were due to progesterone support prolonging the preganancy before m/c.

Truth is that unless there is something easily detected and fixable, that there are no specailists out there that can work miracles on recurrent miscarriage.

I just need to know whether I will regret continuing to repeatedly become pregnant. Pregnancy depletes calcium and folic acid stores alongside iron stores..... I am taking suppliments to counteract the negative, but wonder if I need to stop and give up trying.

I have had breaks between the pregnancies but I am now at the age where stopping again, I should stop permanently. Menopause is just around the corner afterall and then my hormones will be out of whack for a different reason.

Sorry it probrably sounds like I am waffling, I am having a hard time trying to stop trying. I tried stopping last year and then buckled and we started trying again. I don't seem to have the strength of will-power to say enough is enough.

[NoMoreWasabi]

I'm very sorry to hear about all your losses, that must be extremely difficult.

Have you had any tests or treatment for recurrent miscarriage? If you haven't I would push for it. It is possible this may results in something simple that would up your chances of a successful pregnancy.

[pink4ever]

I am so sorry for your losses. I have been pregnant 10 times(3 living dcs). I tried for 3 years to have another child after having ds-I had previously had 2 msc(1 molar) and also our first son only lived a few hours. I lost 3 babies in the 2nd trimester over a period of 16 months(I am very fertile luckily)
I know a lot of my family thought we should just give up as they felt it was bad for my health(especially emotionally) and after the last late loss(19 weeks) my consultant did ask how much longer I was prepared to put myself through it.
Sorry that was a bit long!-will get to the point!. I didnt give up and then went on to have 2 more lovely children.
I think perhaps you should discuss this with your doctor/consultant to get their view on how your health may be effected. It is entirely up to you whether to continue or not but I wont try again(would also love to have 4!) as couldnt put my dh and dcs through it all. All the best.

[whomovedmychocolate]

I'm so sorry you've had such a horrible time. :(

How far do these pregnancies tend to get before you miscarry? Is there any indication of the cause?

I have a friend who had one child, miscarried seven times and then the next time carried to term - but she was under the constant care of the special pregnancy unit at her local hospital and was closely monitored (daily for the full pregnancy).