Feeling a bit...grieve-y combined with hope/relief/fear. This menopause lark is a roller coaster eh?

[YounicorneNumbers]

I'm 43 and with retrospect (err actually it's the loss of denial) I've been peri-menopausal for a good couple of years.

I have a mirena coil - no sex for about 3 years but the coil has endured - so no periods AT ALL for about 7 years, so not many clues there, but I have been having symptoms for a while. The worst one lately being the frightening palpitations, which have really stepped up and forced me to see the GP in fear and dread! As an aside does anyone else have this one...I fall asleep, exhausted, then wake up about 5-30 minutes later either with a mad hot thing or even worse the electric shock thing? I fall back asleep (wake up about 4 times during the night but not with that same first intensity thing) and am generally ok for the rest of the night. Sweats discounted.

Weight gain has been mad, and I'm depositing fat in different areas - namely around my middle and as hard as I diet it WILL NOT SHIFT.

Ankles want me dead first thing in the morning, hips want me dead at night, finger joints conspire to make me miserable during the day.

So - all of the symptoms and I'm pretty resigned to the diagnosis which is coming next Friday. I've already had two blood tests - the first was a full panel to rule out diabetes, liver function, kidneys, blah blah. This showed an FSH level of 85? I understand this is outside of normal range? GP didn't really explain it brilliantly other than to explain that this was an indicator for the hormone responsible for egg release and that if its elevated this probably means I'm well in there - menopause-wise. Anyway. Second panel of tests taken on Monday and I have to go back next Friday to see GP. He's explained that I will be referred to the gynae consultant if my bloods indicate that I have started (I think it's pretty clear TBH) Is this normal? He said because I'm under 45 it's counted as premature and that I'll be offered HRT. All I can say to that is BRING IT.

So. I'm finding my reaction to this news a bit roller coaster. Part of me is excited at getting this shit sorted. I'm hoping for less joint pain, less sad moods, less palpatations (please God) and less self hatred (this might be a pipe-dream!) I'm also dreadfully fearful about the diagnosis. Am I actually at this stage of my life already? My brain is still stuck at 28 FFS! I keep looking at older women and thinking "I'm almost you" and then at young women thinking "I was you!" I'm finding it very difficult to stay in my present.

Christ but I've waffled. I think I just need to talk about it all. It feels somehow monumental but it's not - it's just nature.

I'm struggling. That's the truth, I'm just bloody struggling about and I need to find a way to let it just come. I can't do mindfulness either because whenever I try my brain goes on some sort of " beano to Margate" which involves wild flights of fancy (not fun ones) which leave me even more stressed than if I'm just distracting myself with TV or faffing about.

[PollyPerky]

Hi Sorry you are finding this all so emotional.
Your GP is right and tbh it's brilliant he is on the ball because so many aren't when it comes to premature menopause and women go for years, untreated and suffering.

Yes, it's good to be referred because you'll get expert advice on your options. I don't have FSH levels off the top of my head but a quick google if you want to will show the ranges for fertile women and women in menopause.

You might find it helpful to read the Daisy Network website. This is a charity set up by drs to help women with premature menopause. Yours at 43 isn't premature just early if that's any consolation!

I hope you find the help you need and the likelihood is that HRt will sort out your symptoms as well as protecting your bones and heart, which is a risk with menopause before 50.