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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Lone parents

Ok, it's time.... I'm ready to start 'dating' again but where the hell do I start?!

16 replies

Itstime26 · 22/08/2009 12:07

Hi,

I have never posted on here but have been lurking for a while!

I seperated from (d)h a year ago now and have spent the past year re-establishing a life for DS (18mnths) and I.

DS now stays with exH every wkend so I feel like now is a good time to get back out there.

But how?......

I'm 26, go out loads with my friends but think the chance of me meeting someone on a night out is slim!

I joined POF ages ago but the men who messaged me seemed to be complete freaks. How about match.com?

Any advice/tips/suggestions would be greatfully received?

I feel like Bridget Jones but with an 18 month old in toe!

I am by no means 'desperate'.( I know men can sense that a mile off!) Like I say, I am very happy with my life but feel ready for some excitement!

Thank you so much for your help.

OP posts:

Report

thesouthsbelle · 24/08/2009 07:46

I think you should, wish I had inalot of ways with gymboy as he's a nice bloke.

Itstime26 · 23/08/2009 22:06

Thanks for your help/advice guys. I really appreciate it.
I would quite like to do a counselling course or maybe a self-development course (assertiveness?!)
lowrib- you are so right about the benefits of meeting new people and widening my interests.
Think the key here is not to 'look' for a man!
Tbh there is a gorgeous guy who works at the gym but I would NEVER have the confidence to ask him out.

OP posts:

lowrib · 23/08/2009 09:34

Itstime26 if it was me, I'd go for both approaches - I'd definitely try internet dating, I know a few people who've had some success with it, but at the same time I think doing a course (would be a great idea - not specifically to meet a bloke (although it doesn't hurt to be on the lookout!) but instead with the intention of spending some time doing something for yourself, and making new friends in general, of course knowing in the back of your mind that this will increase your chances of meeting someone at the same time.

I went on a college course not so long ago, and I loved it - the course and the social aspect. I made a few new friends, but it didn't just happen. Do be prepared to say "OK everyone, who's coming down the pub after class?" I helped to get everyone speaking to each other by organising a Christmas drink, and after that we went down the pub much more often. At the time I was on the lookout for a bloke. Although there wasn't anyone suitable in my class (all too young on the course I was on - the teacher was more my age and type! And very nice indeed but attached.) I made some great friends - widening your friendship circle can only increase your chances of meeting someone, and it?s a good thing to do in itself anyway.

Also if you're doing something positive like studying something you?re actually genuinely interested in. or learning a new skill it's so good for you on so many levels - for your confidence for example, and it means you're moving forward and opening up new possibilities in your life instead of just sitting at home hoping to meet someone. It also has the added bonus of making you look interesting and having something to talk about when actually out dating .

Incidentally my lovely DP and father to my DS in the end turned to be someone I'd a known and had a soft spot on for a long time, but only ran into every few years, and had always been attached before so I hadn't ever really considered it seriously. Circumstance threw us together, and we're very happy now. So you never know what's round the corner!

Now is a great time to have a look at courses as there will be heaps starting in September. You said you ?think the courses I am interested in would me full of women (rather than men!)? what kind of courses were you thinking of?

lowrib · 23/08/2009 08:13

Minor hijack, but hopefully a helpful one ...

I've promised to help SIL with internet dating. We were thinking of trying Guardian Soulmates - fewer Daily Mail readers hopefully!

Has anyone had any experience of Guardian Soulmates?

Or got any tips for writing a profile.

Which other free sites would you recommend?

TIA

piscesmoon · 23/08/2009 07:58

I was in a very similar position years ago. I found it best to follow my interests or develop an interest. I decided that a lot of men go running so I started jogging! It kept me fit and they had social events. I went out from someone from there for a while.I actually met DH from a local newspaper advert-the only one I answered-I just thought it a particularly nice advert-even then I was probably too scared to answer but luckily a friend bullied me into it!
It was before the internet, which must make things easier although I expect you have to sift carefully to find the genuine-however they do exist.
Colditz's advice is excellent-especially the 3 weeks, and don't meet anyone because you feel sorry for them. I dated quite a few men and there are an awful lot of 'walking wounded' out there. They latch on to me because I am sympathetic and I learned, from bitter experience,that you can't help so it is best not to get sucked in in the first place.

thesouthsbelle · 23/08/2009 07:34

pof for me was 2 idiots, v big idiots. on was xp who I was with for ages, and turned out to be something he wasn't. well kept telling me he was something he wasn't and call me picky but I wasn't going to settle.

match.com i've just tried actually, have been there for 2-3 weeks, there's some OK people on there not too many responses - althou to be fair I don't really bother emailing people. had one who's been really pushy so I'm not bothering with him, but then there's also gymboy who's from there but we met up at the gym in a class, just needed the match to get the confidence to talk to each other first other than a smile in the room iycwim.

He seems ok, althou he does have a slight sniffing prob & also gets either nervous or is on some form of drugs with his disposition. still early days thou.

lucy1001 · 23/08/2009 06:27

Colditz sounds like very sound advice will definately follow especially the clevage bit.
Think need to take time messaging as I arrange to meet up with someone after a few days and then he cancelled before the ddrink.

Have tried Match.com not great so far and plenty of wierdos as usual.

Any other suggestions.

Going of try POF

colditz · 23/08/2009 00:43

I met my present object of lust (and ok yeah love) on POF.

I'd been chatting to him for a while and he asked to meet me for a coffee. Almighty CLICK. This was St Patricks day. Still with him now. I adore him. He's fab (just 40 miles away)

Top tip for POF... do not show cleavage on your photo, show a smile and pretty your eyes up. Don't use any Tx Spk, it makes you look thick even if you're not. Ditto poor grammar. Wear a bright scarf to pull attention, it will make your photo stand out of the row. Don't let anyone use the IM function - perverama. Don't talk to anyone because you feel sorry for them. Talk to them for at least 3 weeks before bothering to meet them, if they're worth meeting they'll be interested enough in your messages to hang around.If you don't click when you meet them, extricate yourself from situation and be honest with yourself about how bad it was - don't tell yourself he's great just because he's interested.

colditz · 23/08/2009 00:37

Keep trying with POF

Trust me

Itstime26 · 23/08/2009 00:34

Joined POF but seems to be full of very strange men (pls correct me if I'm wrong!)
Might try Match.com.
Anyone got any success stories to inspire us?

OP posts:

lucy1001 · 22/08/2009 18:03

Not a bad idea.
Have you tried to whole internet dating thing? Everyone seems to be doing it these days

Itstime26 · 22/08/2009 17:44

I work part-time (defo no romance possabilities at work!), go to the gym a few times a week and go out with friends at weekend.
Have considered starting a college course to widen my social circle but think the courses I am interested in would me full of women (rather than men!)
Perhaps I should do a plumbing course?!

OP posts:

lucy1001 · 22/08/2009 17:32

me too, so will watch and follow suggestions I think

SolidGoldBrass · 22/08/2009 17:13

What do you like doing? What are your interests/obsessions/.passions? See if there is a club/organisation dedicated to whatever your particular thing is, and join that. Far better than the endless parade of desperates at dating/singles events.

Itstime26 · 22/08/2009 17:08

Hi TheDMHatesMe,

It all seems abit daunting doesn't it?!

Hopefully someone will be along soon to point us in the right direction.

Nice to know your in the same boat.

OP posts:

TheDMHatesMe · 22/08/2009 13:19

Hi it'stime.

No advice here but am watching with interest, as I would like to have a go at dating sometime soon-ish.

Like you, I'm very happy with my life - my DD is the same age as your DS - but it's nice to think that there could be a bit of fun/excitement out there!

Not too much chance of meeting anyone through friends, as I'm a bit older than you and most are married/settled.

I was thinking of joining Guardian Soulmates, but just looking at the profiles is a bit scary...

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