Advice on how to get a life!!!

[pinkyporker]

This just sounds sooooo pathetic but I dont know what to do. I was always really happy and had loads of friends but I lost so much of my confidence through my ex. I tried getting in touch with my pre-baby friends and remembered why we lot touch...our lives are just so different now.I have few mummy friends. Lots of aquantinces etc but no-one that I can phone for a good chat...mostly mums at playgroups....dancing etc. I dont have much in way of family and those I do have do not live near.

I am a worrier at heart and I wonder how I am ever going to pick my life up and meet someone new or even find the confidence to do so. I dont even go or see anyone at the moment where this could be a possibility.

Any advice on where to start would be great.

[OptimistS]

Oh pinky, have a very un-MN hug!!!! I've been where you are now and I remember how lonely and uninteresting I felt. I too have no family nearby (parents dead, sister in Australia, and a collection of elderly aunties scattered across the UK).

I'm sorry, but I don't have a quick-fix solution. Building good friendships takes time. However, there are a few things you can do to speed things up.

Just because your pre-baby friends have little in common with you any more doesn't mean they can't be really good friends. One of my best friends has never had a long-term relationship, let alone kids, but because she is a thoroughly decent human being with lots of empathy, it doesn't matter. She gets me. Don't give up on your non-mummy friends if there's potential there.

For mummy friends, make the effort to talk to as many mums as you can. Eventually you'll meet one that you really click with, and you can build from there.

Are you someone who presents a strong image to the outside world? I found that my friendships developed most when I finally admitted I was human, vulnerable, and as likely to mess up as the next person. It lowers barriers and makes people open up to you more. I found that some people found me intimidating because I always projected this very self-contained, coping very well thank you, image. Once I let it go and stopped pretending I was perfect, I found a lot of potential friends. There is an art to this tho, as you do need to be careful as to whom you show vulnerability to.

This sounds rather trite, but every day look in a mirror and congratulate yourself on all the things that you have done well with that day. THere is nothing like confidence for drawing people towards you. Learn to love yourself, warts and all, and other people will too.

Hope things improve soon. In the meantime, you will find plenty of sympathetic MNers willing to be your friends, so offload here.

[pinkyporker]

Thank you Opti,

Yes I am like that alot. Always fine, cry when alone type person so it makes sense. I am so shy....we moved to this area 1 year ago and I think I must be the only mum in the playground by now who must stand on her own, but DD is in yr1 now and so I figure the other mums must think Im quite stuck up by now. DD is having a Bday party soon so I am hoping to break the ice with some mums then.