Changing Child's Surname

[confuzed]

Hello everyone, I was wondering if anyone could give me some advice.

I split up with my OH in August. We weren't married.

I would like to change my DS's surname so it is my surname and not my ex's.

My Ex doesn't want me to do this.

I have my son living with me full time. My ex sees him every weekend. My ds is 18 months.

Can anyone let me know what my rights are about changing my son's name and how I would go about it?

Thank you to anyone who can help

[mothergoingmad]

I totally understand where you are coming from. I was not married to my childrens father and because they were both born prior to the law change I was able to change their surname to mine by deed poll legally without his consent. It was the best thing I ever did,m saved me a lot of embarassment and the au pair questions as you said. I feel for you being unable to do it, my ex would never have agreed to it either I only told him when it was all official.

Hang on in there my dd and ds are 10 & 6 yrs old now and neither want anything to do with their arse of a sperm doner, excuse my french but he doesn't deserve the title of their 'dad'.

It does get easier as they get older and form their own opinions. x

[NotBigNotClever]

Yes, yerblurt, and in the same post I also said "Of course, the key to this, as with the name change issue, is that all parties involved agree that granting the step-parent PR is a good thing." These agreements are clearly designed for use in situations where there is only one parent with PR (i.e. other parent is dead or completely out of the picture for some other reason) OR both parents agree that it would be a good idea for a step-parent to also have PR. Our situation was the latter. It is now the former. Either way, our route was not/is not through the courts.

[yerblurt]

NotBigNotClever said;

"since December 05 step-parents have been able to enter into a "Parental Responsibility Agreement"

Yes, I agree - a PRA needs to be signed and consented by all those with PR (i.e mum and dad in this scenario).

However, if dad objects to a step-parent requesting PR then it would require then an application to court for PR to be granted to the step-parent and the convincing of the court why it would be in the child's best interests for a step-parent to be granted PR...

[NotBigNotClever]

And just for the record: I changed my child's surname because at the time it was the best thing for her and what she wanted. She can, of course, opt to change it back to her previous surname at any time - and she knows that. Her father had some very unfortunate problems which resulted in very public disgrace which was splashed all over the local press. Not just once but several times and he had a very, very unusual surname. So it is, I think, not unreasonable that she wanted rid of his name. He was very contrite about the upset that he had caused (not that he was ever able to stop, but still..) and the fact that he agreed to her being known by a different surname reflected this. I didn't change her name out of malice or to erase the link with him.

[NotBigNotClever]

Yerblurt - as regards step-parents obtaining PR: since December 05 step-parents have been able to enter into a "Parental Responsibility Agreement", which is completed by all relevant parties (i.e. other people with PR for the child) and they get this witnessed and it is then registered in the Principal Registry of the High Court. Of course, the key to this, as with the name change issue, is that all parties involved agree that granting the step-parent PR is a good thing. My point is: step-parents can now use this route to get PR and is does not have to done via a court order in cases where there is no dispute. I have the forms and it really is just a matter of filling them out, getting them witnessed and registering them with the High Court.

[lostdad]

Liffey - I don't they should do in all cases. Obviously there will be cases where this isn't a good idea and everyone's situation is different.

In an ideal world they would, but I bet you agree we live in a far from ideal world!

Sorry to hijack this thread.

[lostdad]

MascaraOHara, I'm sorry you feel like that. I've not posted much for a while now, so it's not as if there have been many threads here for you to avoid, at least for a while.

I always believe seeing it from someone else's point of view was valuable - it's certainly why I read this forum although maybe you disagree with this and just want to read people saying what you think.

There's at least one regular poster I'm in correspondence who appears to be my `opposite' IYKWIM and it's very interesting read her point of view as much as I don't initially agree with it.

[MascaraOHara]

lostdad, I think numerous times on numerous threads everybody has agreed at how your the minority and how much we sypathise etc but really... you seem to be a one trick pony.. I think you accused me of being a man hater once.. but really your starting to sound like a woman hater.

it's got to the point where if I leave or avoid threads you are on.

you are tedious and boring and do not even attempt to try and understand that while we emphasis with you - not every absent father is like you and and not every women with PR is like your ex wife.

[Pawslikepaddington]

Yes, there are people that stop the other parents seeing their dd, but if you had read the whole thread you wouldn't be saying that, so yourself!

[lostdad]

It is a bit heavily on the side of non-contrib fathers all this isn't it! There should be rules written in that if one parent with resp is not helping they should lose their right to PR'<br /> <br /> Does this mean that you think fathers who are denied contact with their children shouldn't have to help' (and I'm guessing you're talking in least about money here...).

And if I can extend it further: My ex denied me all contact with my son for 17 weeks last year...as I pay about £300 per month, does that mean I'm entitled to over £1000 as a rebate?

Would be nice...I need the cash. Maybe rules could be written in the same time with regard to contact blocking

Note: The above is tongue in cheek.

[Pawslikepaddington]

It is a bit heavily on the side of non-contrib fathers all this isn't it! There should be rules written in that if one parent with resp is not helping they should lose their right to PR

[Liffey]

Yerblurt, what about where a father visits when it suits him but refuses point blank to contribute financially? (I have proof of what he earns and that he puts £1 a month into my account).

[yerblurt]

Pawslikepaddington:
No, a double-barrelled name would still require the consent of all those with PR

NotBigNotClever:
It's not really so easy for a step-parent to apply for PR, if the child is enjoying a meaningful relationship with the other parent then it would have to be demonstrated why the step-parent should have PR....

[NotBigNotClever]

Am wondering how much it complicates things now that it's fairly easy for step-parents to apply for parental responsibility too. My exH had agreed to allow my dh to have/ apply for parental responsibility for my dd, so we would all 3 have had PR for her. In the event, exH died before we got around to sorting it out.

[Sawyer64]

I changed my DS's surname by Deed Poll,when I got re-married.I intended to have more childern and wanted my DS to have the same name as his siblings.

My ExH and I seperated when I was 3 mths Pregnant with DS.Although he'd visit twice a year,he wasn't "sharing" any responsibility.

I requested his consent,and amazingly enough he consented.His letter of permission stating his agreement,but only to namechange not adoption,had to be sent off to change his passport,and shown to GP and Bank to change his details on notes etc.

I didn't have any problems or resistance from anyone.My DS is very happy with his new name.Luckily for us,he was changing schools and areas when we did it.Which made the change easier.

[Pawslikepaddington]

Are d-b surnames allowed without father's consent? Dd's name would be HUGE as we both have 10 letter surnames, so not an option, but still a good compromise!

[yerblurt]

Hey, I'm so goddam metrosexual!

[Pawslikepaddington]

, thought you were a woman too, sorry!

[yerblurt]

lol Macara

Maybe I'm in touch with my feminine side and all that!

[yerblurt]

As a happy compromise, I don't see the problem with having a double-barrelled surname.

[MascaraOHara]

[yerblurt]

A father has PR if he is named on the Birth Certificate and the child was born after 1 dec 2003

www.direct.gov.uk/en/Parents/ParentsRights/DG_4002954

If a father has not had any contact with the child or his wherabouts aren't know then a court may be more inclined to a change of surname.

However to try and use a different surname or cause the child to be known by a different surname (and this includes just using different names on school books etc) is very very dimly looked upon and quite right IMHO any father would be within his rights to correct this.

I have no truck with fathers who abrogate their responsibilities, that's what PR means - parental resonsibility , it pissed me off no end to see fathers behave like this. I've always been a totally hands-on dad and had to endure my ex trying to control and bully me when we separated, she made an application for sole res, luckily after a rather unpleasant journey through the family court system my daughter has the benefit of two parents legally recognised as equals by a shared residence order.

[Pawslikepaddington]

I think it all depends (ducks for cover first) on whether the dad wants a part in the child's life. If they are actively doing something positive towards the child's upbringing, through maintenance or having the child for a bit to give mum the chance to clean up/ have a nap once every few weeks great. If they do nothing but make the child and mother's life hell, or have no contact/interest in the child then they should not be given the right to veto surname changing.

[nooonki]

My DP split from his ex when my DSS was very little and would have been totally devasted if DSS had his name changed.

I dont know your situation so may be completely different.

He found it hard enough that he wasnt living with his little boy and I think that if that had happened it could have wrecked the pretty terrible relationship they had then. Which would have been worse for DSS in teh long run.