Is it good for you to stay friends with a man you want to be more than friends with?!

[BobDowne]

I've met a lovely man through internet dating. Trouble is he only wants to be friends, but friends with cuddles in bed(literally just cuddles!)
Now i like him a lot and he knows i would like to be more than friends but he's made it clear it's not going to be more. He still wants to meet up, still rings several times a week, still makes suggestive comments.
I feel this is confusing me, and stopping me from being able to try to meet anyone else. But i do enjoy his company! What do i do for my long term sanity? I hate it that i let my guard down and he knows how i feel about him, it just makes me feel like c**p! Arghh!

[BobDowne]

Thanks Gillybean, good advice. Must keep my sensible head on.

[gillybean2]

DOn't be taken in. Ask him if things have changed. It might well be that he is upping the anti as you appeared to be loosing interest, but he will simply fall back on the 'we're just friends' when he gets you back where he wants you. Please be honest with him about how you feel and tell him you won't play silly games and want to know which it is, friends or more?!

[BobDowne]

Update time! I met up with the man last week and strangely he suddenly seems much more keen

Perhaps he sensed i was losing interest?!

Anyway we spent a couple of evenings together and there was kissing and mutual groping involved - very nice!

He's going to visit here next week. (lives 5/6 hours away) Will try not to think it's leading anywhere though.

[lou33]

agreed

[charliecat]

The rabbit is worth it.

[BobDowne]

Is the rabbit worth the expense - that is the question?!

[BobDowne]

lol charliecat! I do have a fairly ordinary battery operated boyfriend - can't afford the rabbit!

• thanks lou33. He doesn't seem to care much when i've been upset about feeling rejected - not much sign of emotion there. Hope the candle is snuffed out very soon.

[lou33]

personally i would tell him to shit or get off the pot

if he wants a friend then to stop the groping, and if he wants more than stop with the pissing about

he cant have it both ways, what he wants when he wants it, with no regard to your feeling

that isnt any kind of friend

[charliecat]

But you can cope with having mates who DONT bum grope you, cant you? So you may find if he stops groping you your little candle for him with die out..hopefully.
Can i recommend a rampant rabbit while you are waiting for Mr Right;)

[BobDowne]

I have asked him to stop the bum groping etc, said the line is drawn there! I guess i'm not good at coping with it, it's a long time since i've done any dating hadanysex.

[charliecat]

Maybe ask him to stop the bum groping and suggestive things.
If being friends with him is stopping you from looking elsewhere, and it shouldnt really as he has made it clear hes not after more, then maybe you do have to cut the line clear.
But you can have flirty mates, I guess it just if you can cope with it or not.
My lovely friend is all touch feely and for example, Do you wanna go play tennis? His reply is Yeah, I'd love to give you a good thrashing;) and a game of tennis would be lovely.
Flirty but he really does mean nothing by it at all.
If he gets all arsey about his sexuality maybe he is hiding something, mayeb he doesnt know he is, maybe he is.
Maybe he just wants a friend, maybe he cant get it up?

[BobDowne]

I think he could be a little confused and in denial about his sexuality tbh. He's pretty camp in his tastes and mannerisms. When I've broached the subject he gets a little homophobic! I have tried to get over the 'pwoar' feeling and enjoy the cuddles but he does keep making suggestive comments and groping my bum so the 'pwoar' thing comes back again and - well it's just playing with my emotions isn't it?!

[charliecat]

Ah, the insomania. PITA.

[lou33]

i got up again and went back to bed

[charliecat]

(sure your MSN said something about bed)

[charliecat]

He He, was joking...isn't that where I got dreadfully lost. Or is that the turn off to chessington...dunno. Thought you had gone to bed?

[lou33]

if you are going to be at junc 9 cc, you wont be that far from me, so pop in for a beer

[SparklePrincess]

What a freak. Ditch him now!

[singledadofthree]

did think 'eek' when i wrote it, tho i was tired. i used to drive 400 miles+ to see my last gf and it wore me out as well as me poor little corsa...tho i do have my sporty escort now

[charliecat]

I nearly googled where you live but saw Id been blew out already on Nuttys thread[sigh]

[piratecat]

you guys, get a room

god i am starving now

[piratecat]

bobdowne, can i just say, blimey i haven't heard of Bob Downe in yrs, saw hin a few times in comedy club in grenwich tho, yrs ago!!!

yes ditch, what a twat.

[singledadofthree]

i looked on the map as my geography is a bit ropey - youre on the wrong side of london!!

tho for an extra burger....mmmm....

[charliecat]

Oh not another hijack...
Im going to stand at junction 9 waiting for you, so I can give you my spare beefburger...dont be too long ay. Wanna get to bed tonight