Making Mother’s Day bearable

[BoyMamma2]

So many people have asked what our plans are but MD as a solo parent sucks. I’ve had lots if cuddles and know I’m lucky that way. But I’m struggling to shift the sad feeling in the pit of my stomach.
Not sure if it’s the lack of excitement with no flowers or nice lunch or not having my own mum this year. I suspect mainly the latter as I’d have lunch out with her which masked hiding away from happy families.

I know I sound gloomy but hate feeling like this. Does it get easier? I’m normally a get on with it person but just can’t shake it

What age are your children? U are so lucky to have them. Their arms around you are priceless. ❤️ Happy mothers Day! Buy yourself some flowers 💐 if your children are too young.

I've been a solo parent (widow) since my kids were 4 and 6. Occasionally they did something like make a card and an attempt at breakfast and I usually took us out to lunch (my own mother lived in another country). Frankly couldn't care less now. I don't want my minimum wage son to be spending money on me and actually don't think my DD even knows it's Mother's Day.
What you are missing is another person to make a bit of a fuss for you, which isn't confined to one day a year.

There's a pop song at the moment about buying yourself flowers. I'd blast that on and order yourself something nice online :)

Nope I feel exactly the same. It’s my worst nightmare to go out to lunch or dinner on Mother’s Day surrounded by families, and people that say you are still a family when you are a single parent sorry no it’s not the same at all! I would feel awful in a restaurant surrounded by families. It’s also my son’s birthday today and he has said many times it’s not Mother’s Day and we won’t be celebrating it because it’s his birthday so I’ve received no acknowledgment at all which is fine as I’m use to everyone coming before me. Yes Mother’s Day as a lone parent is complete rubbish!

I have been a lone parent since the DC were 0 and 2. They are now teens. I have done a variety of things over the years. These days as they are older, i say to them outright... I don't want a present but I do want a card. We also get takeaway and we watch a film of my choosing. I think that's the best it gets! Though I totally relate to when they are younger. It's just another day of drudge.

My most relaxing Mother's Day (not sure if this is possible for you) was when a lovely child free friend offered to have the DC for the day. I had breakfast with the DC, then I met a friend , we went to a photo exhibition and then went for lunch and a couple of glasses of wine. Could you do something like that? You still see the DC but actually get to do something for yourself.

I suppose I mean next year... bit late to organise anything like that now.
I hope you have a good day. If you have no one else to care for you then self care (if the DC are not tiny) ... watch a film, make yourself your favourite lunch / dinner. I know this is largely dependent on how old they are.

5&8. Both boys. Too little to buy anything and passed nursery stage so no cute hand made stuff.

OP, I'm not a mum so I am not sure this is good advice. I have however an abusive mum and had to grieve her even though she's still alive.

Could you do something nice/special for the two of you? You haven't said how young your child is but I assume too young to do something for you on mother's day. Tell your little one it's mother's day, you love him/her very much and therefore you are doing x today to celebrate? I know it puts it on you to come up with something and it shouldn't be like that, but I feel like there might be an opportunity to still do something nice for the two of you which could be nurturing.

Oh that’s such a shame. Happy Mother’s Day 💐

Just saw your update that it's three of you. Do a games afternoon or order a takeaway later. Basically anything you want to make it nice for YOU and the kids.

lone parent for 15 years. My lovely teen surprised me with 2 bunches of flowers and a lovely notebook from my favourite book shop. I'll still be taking to him to footie/standing in the rain like every other Sunday but I'm proud of my lovely thoughtful son. It's tough when they're young but the payback comes eventually.

OP. I have 2 young people (19 & 16 so much older I realise). They are both Autistic so seem much younger & would still need reminding re Mother's Day (or my b'day). It wont be by my husband 'tho as he buggered off when Farherhood become 'too stressful'. They're still in bed. I'll make brunch when they get up. I’ve bought them stuff to make me a 'posh afternoon tea' at home later. I will choose a film. We will walk the dog. It is what it is. You are doing the most important in the world. I hold onto that at these times x

Order yourself something, flowers, goodie box for you and in memory of your mum. Stop worrying about what to tell other people, this is the biggest part of the problem. Make a picture or something with your child and let it be a testament to your relationship. Tell people you are having a lovely, quiet day. End of.

Should say: 'the most important JOB' x

I'm at home alone with my 13 yo son today. We've bought some nice easy food for later so that I can spend minimal time cooking. We'll visit a couple of other single mum friends this afternoon. I'm going to enjoy a lazy day.

Hugs to you, happy Mother's Day. We are the unsung heroes-lone mums on Mother's Day. Had you of told me 10 years ago this would be me I'd have laughed at you. It's shit, no doubt about it. My own mother has passed, when she was alive she was alcoholic and not the best parent.. I see everyone gushing about their amazing mothers and I don't have any nice words just memories of my childhood being very different for my friends 🥹 What I do know is, I'm trying very hard not to be that parent. My children are pre-teens both with SEN so don't really get it all and compassion isn't their strong point! ExH will possibly turn up with a half hearted gesture which I suppose I should be grateful for but it certainly doesn't make up for him destroying our little family. Hey ho, back to decorating 😆

Change your mindset. Tell yourself it’s a special day because you made it! You’ve raised beautiful happy babies by yourself! You don’t need validation from anyone. Make your own Mother’s Day tradition. Then fake it until you make it! Choose to be happy.

If this is important to you, plan ahead next year so that you support your DC’s.

Can your DC’s ‘earn’ some money at home towards something for you?

Take them shopping but let them go into the shop themselves ( we have small independents where I can wait outside), or let them choose something off the supermarket shelf.

Pretend to not ‘see’ what they have chosen.
Provide them with a bag to hide the gift in, or let them bury something ‘unseen’ in the trolley.
Suggest some food at home. Can they make you your ‘favourite’ sandwich.

Plan/suggest some nice things to do together. A walk, ‘coffee and cake’ out, a board game, a film.

Make some traditions.

My DC’s are older now, only one local. On MD in COVID times, my DS and I met for a walk. Just the two of us. Every year we now have a ‘mother and son’ date. Just us. Time to chat, time to connect. We both love it.

Why be so miserable about it though? Help them to help you if you’re going to be upset with little children when they can’t do things by themselves. My 3 managed to make a card each (2 out of paper), 8&5 is definitely old enough to Google ideas. One I gave money to get something nice from the shop for me while I stood by the door and waited for them. The other 2 I put money on a go Henry card and directed them to my Amazon wish list to ‘surprise’ me. We spent the morning baking marble cupcakes which we decorated. Went out for a nice lunch. We’re playing games now and I’ve put some kopperberg on ice for the rugby later. Why can’t you get them some crafts in to make a card, send them in the shop with a fiver for a box of chocolates and then spend the day doing nice things with them?

This. There’s so many things you could have done to turn this day into something nice, all it takes is a nicer attitude

I'm a single parent with two DC and I enjoy Mother's Day even though my own mum has been dead for a long time. We went out for a meal. Doesn't bother me but eldest DC is 18 so I'm used to it. I'm a lone parent to him but share custody of youngest DC 50/50.

Thanks for those who offered support, and took time to understand. Grief is an emotion, not a mindset. My children were wonderful today, as always. That doesn’t take away from the sadness of the day. Perfectly valid to feel that way.

I get it, it's very valid and perfectly ok to feel hurt and sad on days like today. I'm a single parent plus don't have a great relationship with my own mum - part of the reason I quite literally have zero support - so double whammy on these painful days.

I have tried in the past to make it a special day - but that seems to make me feel even lonelier and sadder so my approach to MD, Birthday, Christmas etc now is to just pretend it's not happening. It's just one day, I'll no doubt have a big cry in bed tonight, but I know from experience I'll feel better tomorrow. I didn't want my life to be like this, I hate the reminder of quite how unimportant I am to pretty much anyone. But it is what it is, and life has to go on (which all sounds very negative sorry).

I'm a single parent and have been for single since having dd 18 years ago.

From a very young age I took dd into a shop and told her to choose something for me for Mother's Day and asked her to make me a card.

At 5 and 8 your kids are def old enough to give them some money and send them into a shop to get you something (you can hover in the background.)

I did this for my bday and Christmas as well, gift buying is an important skill to learn imo.

I must have done something right as dd bought me a beautiful plant for the garden complete with a gorgeous card this morning.

Sending solidarity. Of course you feel like this. It sounds rough. I have an 18 mo DS and my Mum passed away when I was 20 too. Being a single parent and grieving your own Mum is really bloody difficult no matter how much you love and appreciate your kids which you clearly do. Just allow yourself to feel what you feel and don't beat yourself up about any of it. Cuddle your children, spend time with them, take some photos of you all together, eat some nice food, get outside. In the end I ran a nice bath at bedtime for my little one, got some freshly washed new jammies for us both, hot milk for him and chocolates for me and we sat together reading and being cosy. Alright he sat still for about 5 minutes and yes he did treat me to a mothers day suprise by pooing in the bath 5 minutes in (Thanks babes) but I still felt like I had do e something even in sitting being cosy and clean and warm. Also saw my other Mu. Friend. Solidarity is in other strong women 💚 sending solidarity your way!