Don’t want to do this anymore

[WhatanEmbarrasment]

I don’t want to be a parent anymore. I can’t cope with raising my children alone anymore. I can’t put them into care but I would hand them over to their father if he would take them because I can’t cope anymore but he wouldn’t and doesn’t even see them. I’ve nearly just cried in front of the teacher and im so embarrassed now she’s going to call later and I don’t know what excuse to make up, it’s just all too much now. I didn’t have my kids to raise them alone and I feel like I’m being sold a lie by people that tell me I should feel lucky or glad their father doesn’t bother with them, well I didn’t have them to raise them alone. He might as well be dead as there is no input at all and I’m not coping raising them on my own. I would give them to him if he would have them I can’t do it anymore. I have ME which means I don’t have them energy for them I do it I can barely function myself. I don’t know what to do anymore do I contact my ex and beg for his help?

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. Do you get additional family support? For example ex's parents or your parents?

It is awful how men can just wash their hands where their flesh and blood are concerned and opt out of family life while the mother is responsible for everything with no break.

How many children do you have? Do you get financial support?

I really feel for you. How old are your children? Do you think that your GP could offer you some help. Maybe you need a health check, blood tests etc. You may just be very anaemic as well as having ME.
please do make an appointment with GP. They may also be able to give you details of any agencies that could offer you help.
I hope you get the help you need.
Take care.

Could your Mum or sister come and stay for a month or two?
You sound like you need a proper break and some real support.
Make each day as easy on your self as you can. Keep calm and do the bare minimum. Simple healthy meals, Tidy only the kitchen and bathroom, concentrate on kids schooling, health and early bedtimes.
Go and see your GP for a check up and tell her how you feel.
Brain storming for you ..
The kids grandparents on both sides - could they assist?
Is there a local park where kids can run out energy?
Could the father take the kids for one day per week?
Large local churches often have Sunday programs which are fun for kids while you can meditate/listen to music/rest in the pews.
Is there a single Mum's club nearby?
Does the teacher have any ideas?
Foster carers could give you a break from time to time if you have no one.

No there is no one on either side, exes parents have passed away and did before I met him and whilst I have a mother she won’t help me, she use to, when they were little now she won’t help me at all, it’s pointless asking anymore. They are 12 11 9 and 6. There is honestly no one that will help me with them. I want their father to take them. I’ve done it alone for the last 6/7 years (he left when I was pregnant with the youngest)

You say you didnt have children to raise them alone - however your children didnt ask to be brought into this world either. Relationships are not promised forever, so there was always a chance you would end up a single parent. With contraceptive an option, you made the choice to bring them into the world. Its unfair to bail on them now your life didnt go as planned - none of this is their fault.

That being said, if you generally feel you cannot give our children the love and parenting they deserve then you need to call social services and explain the situation. The children should be the main focus point here and if you cannot offer them what they need then they need to go to someone who can

Well that’s an unfair comment, even if I ended up as a single parent I expected the father to still be involved?! No I didn’t have them with a donor did I

I do 100% of parenting, he doesn’t see them. He is nowhere to be seen, that is wrong and unfair and even if he ended things with me I expected him to still be around I didn’t create them alone.

Please be wary of steaming in like comments like this. The OP didn't even say she had a sister, so it's a bit of a leap to suggesting she come and stay for a few days.

As it turns out, she doesn't have a sister.

Her mum won't help.

The other grandparents are dead.

And it says quite clearly in her opening post that the father has nothing to do with them, so no, he won't take them for a day a week.

Suggestions like this can make people feel worse and more isolated when it should be clear from the original post that she doesn't have people to help.

OP, you have four kids, of course that is going to be hard. Try to be kind to yourself. I would agree that a trip to the GP might be worth a shot, anaemia may be playing a part, alongside your ME.

Are the kids all at school? Do you work?

You sound depressed lovely. The father won't take them so there's no point in even thinking about it. You need to see the GP and to take one day at a time.

Maybe let the older children know you are struggling (if they don't already) and see if you can convince them to pull their weight (again, if they don't already).

The alternative you have at the moment is the kids going in to care, I think that would probably be significantly worse for your mental health.

No, it's not fair. It's really, really not fucking fair.

And the people who coo "Well he's the one who's really losing out isn't he, never getting to see his kids grow up?" can fucking do one too. These men don't care, that's the point.

(Sorry, no useful advice OP. I'm up against it too, albeit I only have two, and my exhaustion is probably more manageable, being only down to autism/ perimenopause).

Oh, I do have some advice. As much childcare as you can physically book, hopefully subsidised by UC/ TC.

And learn to close your ears to any demands primary school makes of you that aren't 100% essential. Homework, PTA, world book days, meaningless last minute charity days- they can all get in the bin.

But no, nobody cares. Nobody motherfucking cares or will lift a hand to save you from drowning. You have to resolve to survive just to spite them.

To answer your original question OP, yes. Contact the ex and tell him outright that you absolutely cannot cope anymore and that if he doesn’t take them to give you some respite then you will be calling social services with a view to them going into care. Be kind to yourself OP. You’ve done the best that you can with the resources that you have. If he won’t take them then you need to call social services for help.

OP, I think you need a multi pronged approach.

1. contact your ex and tell him you aren't coping. Ask him to take them for some weekends so you get a break, or ask him to pay for some help for you.]
2. Contact your GP and explain that you aren't coping. Talk to Social Services and ask for help. Talk to the school. They may be able to add weight to your request for assistance.
3. Is there a support organisation in your parish or local church? Start asking around. An ME charity who can advise or help?

I hope you find someone.

I hear you. I’m a sole parent to only one, and the Dad is …….. less than absent. And my kid can be challenging.
I agree with the poster who said you need to tell the Dad you’re not coping, tell a GP( preferably female as I’ve told male GP’s im
not coping and they just don’t get it) and maybe tell the school too. I’ve been at breaking point too if I’m reading the subtext right, it’s much much better to scream for help now than be pushed to a dark place. I’ve even debated marching down to the local cop shop kid in hand, to say that Im not coping. At least that way they put you in touch with services etc.