Have met gorgeous man after my horrible heart-break, but he just want to be friends..

[allgonebellyup]

Some of you may know what a truly horrible time of it i have had lately; split up with ex after months of bickering, decided i wanted him to come back, and i still loved him so much. He said no.
Then just as i thought i was at breaking point he tells me he has met someone else and they are having a baby (after being together 6wks!)

i am/was so so low, contemplating suicide last week, seeing mental health nurse, counsellors,taking ADs etc.

i met a lovely bloke on the internet, met up with him a couple of times , he is gorgeous and being with him has been the only time i have had FUN since the whole thing with my ex.
BUT, he isnt looking for a relationship, just a "friend to have fun with."
He texted me to say he had a great time with me and we should go out again soon.
But as friends i think.
WTF???
Should i let it go before i get hurt??

[allgonebellyup]

yes i was just planning to leave it.
it will probably be more than a week til he contacts me when he gets back, sometimes we have about 3-4 weeks without any contact at all!

[Tinkerbel5]

leave the ball in his court, dont contact him and see how long it takes him to contact you, if you dont hear from him say for around 3 to 4 days after he gets back then cut your losses, time will tell if he is worth getting involved with, if you see that its not going anyway with him then dont invest any more time waiting for him.

[allgonebellyup]

He didnt ring from airport anyway, just sent a text on sunday then i havent heard from him since..although obviously he is abroad.
Thats that then?

[allgonebellyup]

He just texted me to say he will call me from the airport before he gets his flight (he is going on hol for 2wks).

What does that mean? (by the way i havent told him to leave things yet)

[allgonebellyup]

ok you are all right.

though i did enjoy the distraction.

Am also close to losing my house so that is another downer for me. Hey ho.

[Pinkchampagne]

I totally agree with Carmenere about allowing yourself a bit of time to get over your last relationship before thinking about meeting someone new. You need time to heal after all you have been through. You will meet someone nice in time, but for now concentrate on you.x

[Carmenere]

AGBU I echo what the others have said and just wanted to add that, by telling you he just wants to be friends this guy is giving himself an out. He may be a nice person but he just wants sex. Or at best he thinks you are too emotionally fragile to give him what he wants.
It is extremely difficult to be attractive if you are devastated. You need time to get over your heartbreak. It shouldn't really be on the menu of conversation when you first meet someone and if it is, it is likely that you need a bit more time.
Just because your ex has moved on doesn't mean that you should. Take time to heal, date a bit, DON'T talk about your ex, have some fun and you will meet someone nice x

[zippitippitoes]

maybe..i am feeling old at the moment tho

not that that is of any relevance to allgonebellyup so apologies for that digression

[nutcracker]

Soujnds good Zip, bet you will have a right laugh. I am out on friday night and looking forward to it too oddly for me.

[zippitippitoes]

yes Lou is coming next weekend..she is meeting a guy today tho i think that she likes

[Pinkchampagne]

Sounds like you really want more from this guy, and he has made it clear that he wants nothing more than female company, so I would back away now before you develop stronger feelings for him & get hurt.

You will meet someone nice in time, I'm sure. Give it time.

Sorry you have been through such an awful time of it.

[nutcracker]

It isn't crap advice Zip.
Are you still on POF ?? I rejoined but keep hovering over the delet my account button again as it just seems like a waste of time. Only had 4 messages, non of which I liked. Sent messages to 2 and non have replied.

Are you still off out with Lou next week ?

[zippitippitoes]

I can't really be bothered at the moment..I was meant to go and meet someone today for the second time but I am mystified by him..and feeling rotten too so i cancelled..I am afraid i am getting very depressed which was inevitable as i was on a mad high for a while and couldn't keep myself there indefinitely.so I shouldn't be proffering crap advice to other people really

[nutcracker]

Your last sentance sounded a bit like me then zipi. I sometimes think I am setting my standards to high, not just looks wise but all over.

Mind you when I do lower them a bit and message people that I wouldn't normally, they don't reply either.

[zippitippitoes]

giving advice is relatively easy it's following it yourself which is impossible

you two will meet someone else..possibly more than that

I doubt I will there is just too big a gap between what I've had and lost and what I am likely to have to accept..I can't even consider going there

[nutcracker]

But you did met someone, ok he wasn't the one and it didn't work out, but you got out there and met him anyway and that is a great start, and now you are taking control of the situation and calling it a day for your sake.

Don't give your xp the satisfaction of seeing you down about him or your life.

I am crap at giving advice about this type of stuff so feel free to ignore me, I jusy think you are so much better anxd deserve so much more than you think.

[allgonebellyup]

nutcracker we are both still in our 20s and everyone says "you will meet someone else", but i still dont see how.

i am so so so gutted my ex-dh met someone within 3 months of us splitting and now they are playing happy families with their new baby on the way.
whilst i sob myself to sleep every night and never want to wake up.

[nutcracker]

You will bellyup, I know it is hard to believe, I am not sure I always believe it either, but you are meeting people which is a start, I haven't even got that far.

[zippitippitoes]

it's a club with nice members tho none of us wants to be in it

[allgonebellyup]

No i won't!!!

[nutcracker]

Good time to break things off then

You deserve to meet someone who wants to be with you for more than just fun, and you will find them.

[allgonebellyup]

yes you are both right.

i know he is quite sensitive as when i met him he had been crying as the company he works for is being taken over and he will lose a lot of friends from work.

Hope he wont mind if i say i will leave it.In fact im sure he wont mind.
He goes on holiday today for 2 weeks anyway!!

[nutcracker]

I'm afraid I think you should call it a day, you will just end up getting hurt.

I know exactly what you mean about wanting to meet someone else, I want it so much it hurts, but I also know that I couldn't cope with someone wanting to be with me just for fun, i'd feel used and abandoned whenever he was off doing something else with someone else.

This guy won't do anything to help your mental state IMO.

[zippitippitoes]

are you going to be upset if you tell him you don't want to see him again?

are you going to be hurt if he withdraws abruptly

and how are you going to deal with both the above

[charliecat]

Cynical me wonders whether the just friends is a line so you settle for his company, get tiddled sleep with him and then he goes back to the Just After a Friend Line...and then you cant argue with that coz you knew...and he doesnt look such a shit?