Ex controlling 10 y/o’s Skype contact

[Thenittygritty]

Hi everyone after some advice on this prickly topic..
Ex and I have agreed for our son to remain with her due to covid19 - government says it’s ok for children to see both parents but we have agreed it is best he stays put. She is the resident parent so this means I have already gone a month without direct contact and may do so for many more months, it’s awful but at least he’s safe!
My issue is that his mother/my ex is very controlling. Our son is bright and like most kids is a whizz at tech, but she insists on him using Skype on her phone (even though he has a tablet and a computer in his bedroom). I think at 10, he should be given the freedom to contact me whenever he wants (e.g send me a message or initiate a Skype call)
She also forces him to Skype me from outside because she doesn’t want me to see inside her house. I have no interest but I understand. But I think he should be allowed to Skype me from his own bedroom? Or am I wrong? If he was younger I’d understand her measures but he’s starting secondary school this September and I think she’s being very controlling about it. Also - I wait for him to Skype me, i never expect Skype calls late at night and we usually speak for 30mins max... so I’m pretty sure I’m not being a nuisance!
Should he be allowed to use it on his own device and should he be allowed to use it in his room at age 10 or am I totally wrong??

[Thenittygritty]

@slipperywhensparticus We both live near to Inverness and it’s pretty chilly in the evenings (which is when he’s allowed to Skype - outside only).
@midnightstar66 I don’t really want to start going down the route of sneaking him a mobile / SIM card etc. She would explode if she found out and it wouldn’t do our son any good. I don’t want to encourage him to keep secrets from her either! She already thinks I shouldn’t be contacting him via the online game (even though he set it up on both ends so he could have a way of contacting me without involving her!) and she has told me off for allowing it. Sigh. I have offered many times to provide a phone or tablet specifically for him to contact me with if she isn’t happy with him using existing devices she’s bought him (so they can be switched off after contact if you see what I mean) but my offers are always ignored.

[Thenittygritty]

@midnightstar66 sorry I misread your post, he is only allowed to Skype using his mums phone (he has his own devices in his room which are WiFi only) which does use data as well as WiFi so I’m not sure that would work anyway. I’m not sure which network she’s on but the signal seems pretty poor on it/where she lives. Would be more than happy to pay for a phone and a sim plan for him and I could research which provider has the best signal where they are but all offers have been ignored previously.

[YangShanPo]

I think for now encourage him to Skype you from outside. He doesn't need to talk for ages but keep that regular contact going, even if it's just for 10 minutes.

[Thenittygritty]

@YangShanPo I do. And thank you. I’m careful not to say anything negative about how he is allowed to contact me to or in front of him, I don’t want him to feel awkward about it. I’ll be relieved when lockdown is over. We haven’t seen each other for two months now, i love hearing from him but there’s no substitute for actually being able to give your child a proper cuddle and spend time together!

[myopnionismine]

Controlling for sure
How dare she behave this way given the current situation
I would be pushing for the lack of home calls and Skype nonsense to be regular daily calls inside his bedroom.
He is going to need you and it is good you are willing to be answering his calls.
Just wait for the hormones to kick in and he tells her what

[midnightstar66]

She doesn't get to dictate what you buy your son. You don't need to ask to be ignored. That's insane. I certainly wasn't suggesting it was sneaked in. You can buy him a phone any time you like surely? Exp even bought my 6 year old one. It's ridiculous and she never uses it because 6 year olds don't need phones lol but it's up to him if he wants to waste the money.

[Thenittygritty]

@midnightstar66 unfortunately this is the reality I live in. She won’t allow him to bring anything back from my house. E.g. he took his handheld game thing from here (Father Christmas brought it one year) and she refused to let him play it. She kept it in the glove box of her car for a full fortnight until the next contact session when it was returned. Guaranteed if I purchased him a phone it would be sent back! For our sons sake I won’t even try it because how awful to know that’s your mums attitude and that your new Christmas present is sat outside in the car and you aren’t allowed to play it just because it came from your dads house! He also asked to take some photos back with him once and she posted them back through the letterbox after inspecting his bag. She is honestly that awful. The poor boy had chosen the photos he wanted to take back with him, it’s not like I told him to take them back.

[Thenittygritty]

The only answer I can come up with is to get it written into our order that he’s allowed to contact me on his own devices without his mothers interference

[midnightstar66]

I'd definitely address it in court. They are not always keen on dc having their own phones, probably depends on the individual judge but she should certainly be facilitating regular video contact throughout this. She won't be doing her relationship with her son any favours in the long term though and while I agree you are doing the right thing by not talking negatively to your son about this i wouldn't be going to much effort to hide from him what's going on. If she takes things off him then that's for her to explain. At his age he's going to start questioning it. Try too hard to protect him and your just enabling her and he's not really benefiting.