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advice on restricting a fathers access to little one

16 replies

Prettyfull · 26/08/2007 22:55

Things are getting extremly hard between myself and ex partner, and my dd is being effected in a big way. We have been split up a year now and my dd's father is taking things ott now.

During the past yeah, hes made constant promises to my dd which have then been broken, such as saying he'l buy toys and come to see her and let us down....he has the most disgusting foul language infront of her, including asking her about my sexual experiences since we been split, and swearing.....he causes arguments and shouts,...hes left me in a large amount of debt,...hes broken in to my home and taken my belongings,...i could go on!!!!

To be honest i was hoping this would all stop now that hes getting married and has a new life, i thought he could see dd without the hassle. Hes never had dd alone or ever done anything for her and is uncapable. He seems to only want to see dd to hurt me.

Basically since dd turned three a few weeks ago its been a changing point. He came to see her on her bday wihtout a gift and said he forgot her card. I told him i was quite surprised that on the amount he earns he couldnt show with a pressie, and he knelt down to dd which he wouldlnt even normally do and said "your mothers fu*king f'in and bit&hin about your birthday present so i better go buy you one right now" Dd was so scared and didnt know what was going on. He then took us to argos and picked a present with her and before buying it, he said he didnt wana get anything so she cried her eyes out, as this isnt the first time hes done this.

I hope this doesnt sound petty as i know alot of single parents are going though a lot worse, but still my dd is being effected in a lot of ways and is so confused, shes seeing too much arguing etc and i want to know if this is enough to get everything put through solicitors and hopfully get him stoped from seeing her??? I never once thought i would want him to be stopped from seeing her as i felt its unfair on dd but i can only see things getting worse from here.

Its hard to complty explain everything without going on and on so hope nobday takes this in the wrong way, Any advise or infomation would be great ty.

OP posts:
pirategirl · 26/08/2007 23:03


he is way beyond, I cannot believe he would do that to dd, in the shop.

He truly is a psycho. From this moment on you must take control, he is controlling everything.

You are NOT over reacting, he is a bully. The more they get, ie new girlfriends, jobs, etc, the more we as ex's seem to get bruised and emotionally bullied.

He sounds dangerous, and i think you should speak to a solicitor.

hugs to you

turquoisenights · 26/08/2007 23:04

i am sorry for what happened to you and your dd prettful.
this man doesnt seem to be a good man.
you and your dd better stay away from him all your lives.

TheArmadillo · 26/08/2007 23:04

sounds like a right piece of work.

Try contacting CAB and see what advice they give.

EscapeFrom · 26/08/2007 23:08

I think you should stop contact for now aned try to arrange supervised only contact... that isn't something I say lightly, but he seems to have no normal feelings for her at all. She really seems to be better off without him swearing at her and making her cry.

orangehead · 27/08/2007 00:27

he sounds like a pig. i would speak 2 solistor. u are within yr right to stop contact if u have concerns. he might take it 2 court, but as this will cost him he might not bother. if it does go 2 court u wont b in trouble 4 stopping contact but focus on trying to sort things out. good luck with whatever you decide.
btw i would not tolerate this behaviour infront of my child and tell him to seriosly buck up his ideas or i will stop contact and would follow it up if he did 1 more thing

Rosasmum · 27/08/2007 13:11

His behaviour is unnaceptable. I am not surprised your dd is upset. I would let him know via email that if he continues to speak to you and your dd in that manner then you will stop contact at your house and any access will have to be through a contact centre.

Your dd has a right to see both her parents but she should not be exposed to such unpleasantness. I do not think a court will restrict him from seeing her but they may stipulate that it has to be supervised.

Is there anybody that could be present when he visits? If he behaves innapropriately, ask him to leave. Do not let him bully you or your dd anymore.

Tinkerbel5 · 27/08/2007 13:55

what a vile 'man', sounds emotionally abusive to me, how dare he swear like that in front of your daughter, its certainly not in her best interest to have a father like that

Prettyfull · 27/08/2007 18:13

Hi, thanks for all replying! Yeah he doesnt seem to have any kind of fatherly love for her.
Everytime he sees Leah, i am always there, theres NOWAY i would let him have her alone for many different reason, the main ones being, he still cant understand what she is saying and asking for. A few months back dd wasnt too well and she told him her tummy was hurting and he didnt a slightes clue!!!

Also, he asks her disgusting perverted questions which tears me up inside to hear He asked her once while i was holding dd, and were in PUBLIC,...."does any of mummys men take her from behind" since then i cut the visits and iv told him numerous times he cant say things like that to her

I wouldnt trust him with her in the slightest, he shouts at her for no reason and has no concept of the correct way to disapline, he just gets MAD, and therefore drives like a loony (i dont get in his car anymore!!)
Unfortunaly theres no1 who could be that 'inbeween' person to be there.

Im going to CAB to find out info on supervised visits, prob a silly question, but do i just tell them basicalyl everything iv written on here?

Thanks again x

OP posts:
pipsqueeke · 27/08/2007 18:17

stop all contact and also keep a diary of everything which is said what you've done how DD has been etc. and most importantly seek legal advice first thing tomorrow he can't say things like this to a child. it's vile to hear as an adult.

your poor DD.

pipsqueeke · 27/08/2007 18:18

yes tell tehm everything - there's no point in holding any thing back. you must protect your DD.

KaySamuels · 27/08/2007 18:25

Going to CAB is a great idea, I would do this officially, there will be a conact centre/family mediation centre you can use if no one else around to supervise. Could even tell your dd goig there to play in case dad doesn't show if you feel it would be easier on her, my guess is that as he wouldn't be in control on this sort of visit he wouldn't want to bother.

He sounds awful, def emotionally abusive. Write down all the facts before you go, CAB are really helpful IME, so they are a good first point of call.

zmandaz · 27/08/2007 19:29

I second writing everything down. It is so important to have examples of his behaviour and be able to give facts rather than vague 'well at some point he said this'. I hope you get things sorted.

tribpot · 27/08/2007 19:43

Please tell them everything. I am horrified that an adult (allegedly) would talk to a child the way he is to your dd. It doesn't sound petty, it sounds horrendous. I wouldn't allow anyone to talk to my ds like this, and you are completely right to want to avoid it for your dd. Good luck.

Prettyfull · 28/08/2007 15:57

Hi thanks again for advise. I have been to CAB today and they have advised me on looking to getting a court injunction. Im seeing a solictor on 19th September, so i'l come back on here and let you know how it goes if any wants to know


OP posts:
HollyGoHeavily · 28/08/2007 16:13

Hi Prettyfull

You've done the best thing for you and your daughter by getting a solicitors appointment - please do come back and tell us how you get on

I'm sorry I can't offer you any constructive advice except stay strong and don't accept any more BS from this man.

nappyneeds · 30/08/2007 23:29

The only useful thing that may help would be to keep a diary of things that are said and happen. I think having ACTUAL details and dates etc could help any future case.

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