How do you make friends as an adult?

[oldtiredlonely]

Long story short. Was traded in for a younger thinner prettier model a couple of years ago, subsequently had to move back to my northern home town after almost 13 years living in SE London. (Moved to be with the ex, couldn't afford to live there alone). Been here almost a year now, got a new job, got an ok house and a very small mortgage.

But I'm just so bloody lonely. Got a couple of friends from before but they both have their own lives so see them maybe once every couple of months.

My daughter is away at uni. My son is 13 and a typical teenager in that he spends very little time with me.

I was hoping to make friends through the job, and though everyone is lovely, no natural 'friendships' have developed and I'm not one to try to force it.

I spend every night sat in the house bored out of my mind. I'm bored and very lonely. How do I make friends?

[idleandsunny]

How’s it going op? I’m in a similar position and am looking to expand my friendship circle!

[poweroverme]

Just saw the thread and was going to say ' try a meet up group' lol hope it went well. One thing to add, there are loads of different groups so if the first one isn't a fit try another or start your own.

[oldtiredlonely]

Hello! Thanks and sorry not been on. I have been brave and went to a 'meetup' event tonight and had a lovely time.
I've also joined a dog walking Facebook group and going on our first walk on Sunday. And I've joined a couch to 5k group that starts on the 13th June! I'm trying!!!

My parents have upset me tonight but that's a whole other post.

Thanks for the encouragement. Am definitely trying new things and getting out of my comfort zone

[PollyPelargonium52]

As a further comment I just wish to add that neither of the women even goes to the church services so it just goes to show that you need to be of an open mind.

It may not be everybody's cup of tea however as there will naturally be people there near breadline who are in dire need so you need to be well rounded enough to cope with that as well as meeting just a few women there who will be working and able to spare the time of a lunchtime (presumably those self-employed or on a lunchbreak or working part time).

I was most pleasantly surprised.

[PollyPelargonium52]

I just wished to add another suggestion for making friends. Sometimes churches do free lunches as a drop in option on a weekday lunchtime basis. I just went to one yesterday and met two nice single parent women and we exchanged mobile numbers.

I was previously put off at the thought of attending a church but now I am of the mindset that any option is better than no option!

[Notageek]

oldtiredlonely how’s it going ? Have you managed to be brave and join the Couch to 5k group ? You should be fine to join on week 2 (we let people join up to week 3), just take it easy and don’t go out all guns blazing !

[romany4]

I live up North. I'm an empty nester , recently moved to a small village.(8 months ago)
I'm also very shy but have pushed myself into joining a Pilates class and the local WI.
It gets me out and meeting people.

[FreeFreesia]

OP has said she lives in the 10th biggest city in England.

The university runs a free bookclub on Saturday lunchtimes as part of the open campus sessions. libcal.hull.ac.uk/calendar/opencampus/?cid=4535&t=d&d=0000-00-00&cal=4535

[GooodMythicalMorning]

I'm pretty lucky, I can seem to make friends anywhere. Even food shopping.

[Miniloso]

I met my now best friend on Mumsnet! I had moved, knew no one and advertised for friends on my local MN area board. Had quite a few replies too!

[Mumof1andacat]

Could you not invite the people you work with out for drinks or food after work or a meet up with someone from work for lunch? I have met a couple of good friends through work in later years.

[Magmatic80]

I’m 39 by the way. I joined at 34

[Magmatic80]

@oldtiredlonely I’ve been a member of two WIs, both have been excellent, but I chose carefully. Each month there is a speaker or main activity, followed by drinks and a lot of chatting, but as mentioned above there are a lot of offshoot groups that can focus on anything. Anyone in the group can start an offshoot group about anything, you just need s few who are interested to join you!

Past speakers and activities in my WIs:
Cheese tasting ( who brought cheese to sell too)
Tank driving
Climbing over the O2
Internet safety (I didn’t bother with that one...)
Various crafty evenings, needle felting, badge making, Christmas wreaths, cards, Christmas tree ornaments, etc
Curry making with local cookery school who brought everything, including burners etc,
Morris dancing
Belly dancing
Hypnotherapy
Salsa band
(Female) Head Gardener from local fancy house who talked about the history of the gardens and how it’s changed over 500 years
Treasure hunt in local town
Picnic and games in park
Antique bloke brought random things to talk about
Person who trains guide dog puppies
Air ambulance crew
Man who works for NASA education centre (hands down, best one ever)
BAFTA winning costume designer
Tour of a members farm, followed by lounging about in her garden eating her home grown sausages.

For me, the speakers and activities are the starting point though. They are the catalyst for conversation, which is where friendship comes from. Once a month I go and have a laugh doing something new with a bunch of women, and several other times a month, I meet up with closer friends I’ve made through the group. I think it’s a fantastic organisation, desperately trying to change its reputation.

I’ve never knitted anything, or baked specifically for my WI.

[PollyPelargonium52]

Mentalray I agree with you it is so much easier to make new friends in cities rather than towns and hamlets. People generally are not seeking to branch out much in the smaller populations. Can you drive to a neighbouring city for interesting people and activities at all through meet up dot com?

[Zoobedoo]

Couch to 5k is great! I found the first run (most of it's walking though so don't worry!) the hardest and ached all over the next day as I was so, so unfit. But then it gets easier and before you know it you're running. Hopefully it'll be a great way to meet people op.

Whenever I've moved somewhere new I've made lovely friends through women's circles. I don't know if it's something you'd be in to but you could look up red tent in hull or something similar?

I think a pp's suggestion of setting up your own meet up group is great though. There's so many people out there in a similar position and it's so hard making friends as an adult. It just needs one person to be brave and put themselves out there,, people will respond to that.

[oldtiredlonely]

Just messaged a couch to 5 k local Facebook group. They started last week but hoping I won't be too far behind. Thanks for the encouragement.

[Notageek]

I joined a social running club that ran a Couch to 5 k course where most people were a) women b) overweight c) had never exercised. Its great as you might have a quick chat but when running there is no pressure to talk. It takes 30-45 minutes so you’re not out the house for long . After while you greet familiar faces and then they become friends... the exercise improves mood, weight and sleep. I don’t have kids so knew no-one in my town after 13 years ..after 6 months I know loads of people, men , women all ages and backgrounds. Don’t dismiss it straight off ..just think how great you’d feel if you could run 3 miles.. There are loads of threads from people just like you who thought they couldn’t do it because of size and just as many who have.

[oldtiredlonely]

@1tisILeClerc thank you but my life has revolved around children for over 20 years now, with 11 years as a childminder. Definitely want something that doesn't involve children.

[oldtiredlonely]

I hate to sound ignorant but what do the WI actually do? I've always thought of it as outdated, namely old women (which I guess I am) baking and crocheting, which makes we want to scream running in the opposite direction. I am embarrassed to admit that but it's how I think of it. Very happy to be told different.

[FreeFreesia]

www.thewi.org.uk/become-a-member/structure-of-the-wi/england/yorkshire-east/find-a-wi/applecrumble Princes Avenue, Hull.

Also there is a resister group twitter.com/HEYResisters?lang=en-gb

DM me I'm in your area.

[eve34]

@8FencingWire hi there. We get everywhere hope all is well

[1tisILeClerc]

How about volunteering for Scouts/ Sea Scouts (with a chance DS might join in too). It could help with a bit of activity, there are zillions of things you could do to help out, whether as a treasurer/scout shop 'assistant' through to ultimately leading a troop (if you wanted). They always need 'persons who can help do stuff' and it shouldn't cost, or at least minimal.
DS at 13 probably would only have another year at Scouts but there is Explorers for those older and they need mentors/assistants as well.

[Mentalray]

Similar problem here. LIving in a town with very insular mindset.

Tried classes -- painting, yoga, cookery, but if you push too hard to get to know people they will think you're weird (as they already have their own friends and aren't looking for more). so end up in acquaintance zone forever.

most people seem to join as couples or with friends already in the group as well.

I miss the city as ironically people were more open to new friends there!

[TeaForTheWin]

Could you start a meetup group? There might be other women in your area feeling the same, like there's nothing around. It's something like 8 quid per month to run if you go with the one capped at 50 members. You could make it a 'coffee get-together group' or something. It might take a while to grow if you live in a quiet area, it might not but the good thing is it gives you the power of who and when to meet once you are up and running.

[Magmatic80]

WI for sure. 2 hours once a month, but choose a good one and there’ll be offshoot interest groups. Make sure it’s an evening one with a younger demographic (those with social media accounts tend to be this generalising massively Mine has book club, craft group, supper club, walking group, theatre club, cocktail club, local history club, coffee club. Changed my life