Child with no parents left with young uncle

[OHolyNightOwl]

I am posting this for a guy I work with, who is in an awful position and I have no idea how to help him.

My colleague (M) is a single guy in his 20s and has been left with his 5 year old nephew after the aunt (little boys mum) died. As I understand there is noone else (suitable?) who can step in.

M only confided in me today when I asked how he was. He said he is horribly stressed and near breaking point.

The child has been with him for a good few months now and no-one is helping them. The child is traumatised and cries after his mum a lot and M is struggling with what to do and say.

I don't even know what to say to him or how to help. Social Services have been no help and just said he can put the child in the system if needed.

Where can I point him to for help? Financial, childcare, support, therapy for child?

Will send him the link to this thread and hopefully he will join and reply to any questions himself.

[PosiePerkinandPootle]

OP I don't have any further suggestions but I just want to say how amazing you are to take the time to help when it seems like all the official channels have failed them.

[dreichuplands]

He needs to enroll him in his local school. The council website should have details.
He should look into claiming child benefit and have a benefit overview.
I would ensure dc was registered at GP and arrange an initial visit. GP may have good local links.
Finally and I say this as an ex social worker I would contact social care again and insist on some support. Point out that as well as supporting dc he is saving them a bloody fortune but needs some help getting started.
Any local family center or children's center would be helpful for him. But lots have shut.

[MotherOfDragonite]

Wow, that's got to be tough.

Has he checked what benefits he may be entitled to?

I highly recommend therapeutic parenting techniques. He can google it and find the very helpful therapeutic parenting Facebook group. These are parenting techniques that can help with parenting children who have gone through similar trauma and upheaval (eg adoption, fostering, loss of birth parents etc).

Other sources of support: Homestart. The GP. Health visitors. Charities set up to help children who have been bereaved.

He should pester the local authority when it comes to a school place. This will make a big positive difference. When choosing a school, he should also ask about their wraparound care -- do they provide a before school 'breakfast club' type option? How about after school care? Is it on site or do students get taken to an external venue?

[UnderMajorDomoMinor]

I assume they left no money. If they did he needs to speak to the executor of the will as that money can be drawn on for the child’s upbringing.

He needs to get the child into school - sine normality will do them both good. He should also look into a counselling for her or similar.

Defo ring gingerbread and Winston’s wish and there is a young widows charity that I’m sure would help too.

He needs to build his network - he should reach out to everyone he knows and be very open. This is the sort of situation where humans respond well.

Personally I’d also recommend Oliver James’ book ‘love bombing’ but I accept its marmite.

[UnderMajorDomoMinor]

www.widowedandyoung.org.uk I know he isn’t a widow but they have parent groups and, crucially, would meet men who have also been left alone with kids.

[GinisLife]

I might be wrong but if he's just taken the child in and there's no SGO in place he might be entitled to be paid foster careers allowance by the LA. He needs to ask social services. The child needs to be in n school ASAP as well. Life will become more normal for them with some structure & routine. Good luck

[livinglavidavillanelle]

Wow that's a tough situation for the both. How sad that they haven't had any help.

Children's centre are his best bet to start with. A quick google of local ones will give him the contact details. If he explains the situation to them they will be a massive help. They will assign him with a family support worker, who can help with school applications, and will signpost to local charities. Health visitors won't be able to help as child is over five, and as he's not in school obviously that rules out the school nurses.

So, children's centre as a starting point. Wishing him the best of luck and a virtual hug

[ScrambledSmegs]

I don't know if he's anywhere near London, but this charity does bereavement counselling for children, a friend of mine worked for them for a while and was really positive about the support they offer for bereaved children and their families.

www.griefencounter.org.uk

I know, the name is a bit but part of their ethos is that sadness and humour can co-exist.

[CountTessa]

He needs to not take no for an answer from social services. He needs help. It is far cheaper for them that the child is housed with your colleague. He needs to pester them.

He should also talk to HR and talk to them about adoption leave/ compassionate leave to allow the poor child and him to adapt to their new living situation.

Worth contacting local authority and pushing them too.

Unfortunately it really is a case of pester pester pester until you get somewhere.

There should be some form of financial support for him now, child benefit and possibly some type of carers allowance.

[cloudedyellow]

Guardian's Allowance?

[Starlight456]

I don’t have anything more to add but get the practical balls rolling. Gp, school applications.
I would also go back to ss inform them he is running out of money .

I have also heard lovely things about Winston wish

[OHolyNightOwl]

Is there a restriction on minimum post to reply in this forum? M is trying to reply to you all but can't.

[knitandpearl]

OP you refer to the boy's mum as the 'aunt', sorry if I'm being dense but who was she an aunt to? Was it M's sister who died?

[OHolyNightOwl]

No, I believe it was M's aunt..so possibly the child is then a cousin?! I am not a reliable witness clearly as I'm getting it all muddled up. M will reply as soon as he figures out how!

[OHolyNightOwl]

M managed to post here: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/childcare_options/3521735-looking-after-a-5-year-old-child

[Carouselfish]

OP. You may need to alert social services yourself. If the child might just be handed over to a traveling businessman uncle without anyone knowing if he is a suitable person to have custody then decisions aren't being made with any real regard to child's welfare, more just what is convenient.
M please just get the child into school, contact his previous school so the kid hasn't just disappeared into thin air. hug him when he's sad, talk to the help that's available.