So the CSA got their act togather, guess what he has to pay... go on, guess.. I bet you can't guess..

[MascaraOHara]

he has to pay the grand total of £2.50 per week + 50p arrears for the ~3k he owes.

[MrsWeasley]

A friend of mine pays via the CSA for his children. Has been all their life (kids aged 6 & 3) but the mum hasnt been paid a penny of this money.

They have had to start legal proceedings to sort it out!

[MascaraOHara]

If it was the other way round and he was raising your children I wouldn't expect him to support you at all.

[macdoodle]

A thought funny how people assume he is sponging of me and about it but if was other way around would fully expect him to support me?? Double standards - as I have always been higher earner and main breadwinner certainly last 5 years or so...not to say he doesn't work just less earning potential...

[macdoodle]

MLS so sensible you are
Trying to get some distance but really don't want to lose business

[macdoodle]

my flat my car my money
Nope he is responsible too BUT she has admitted that she got pregnant on purpose when he thought she was on pill - so she basically trapped him into a lifetime of responsibilty he didn't want and can't afford??? He is always going to be the bad guy no matter what he does not fair on kid or him ....but struggling enough supporting him buggered if I am going to support her too (I managed NOT to get pregant till IIIIIIIII could suppport my DC she did complete opposite what the f did she think was going to happen).......

[mylittlestar]

agree with MascaraOHara,
macdoodle I think it is your dh's responsibility to look after the ow's child and pay whatever maintenance is required. but it is absolutely not your responsibility.

any way of trying to separate your funds and making him stand on his own two feet? I guess you want the business to succeed as you have invested a lot of time and money in it. But at the same time if it is not making a profit, and you are likely to not only be funding your dh's lifestle, but paying maintenance to his ow, then you have to do something,

At least if you completely separate your funds and stop supporting him then it is clear. You can invest your money in your own house and life and leave him to sort himself out. Also, whatever ow is entitled to will then be what you're entitled to as well from him (or more when next baby arrives).
Although if he's not even breaking even then there is no money to give either of you is there...


MascaraOHara and at your op. Don't know what else to say!

[MascaraOHara]

see now, I should just leave the talking to Bozza - she's much better at it than I!

[bozza]

macdoodle I have read other threads regarding your situation. This is not really relevent here, but it seems to me that you are putting most of the responsibility for the pregnancy onto the OW, and disregarding the fact that he was sleeping with both of you without using condoms. So yes he is financially responsible for this child. And although you say he has negative cash, you also say he has a nice flat, nice car and nice lifestyle.

[MascaraOHara]

don't give him excess money(?) don't allow him to draw down on the company until it's making a profit(?) buy him out(?)

honestly I'm only working on the info you have presented here as I don't think I've followed your story but it just sounds silly that you are funding his living whilst raising your DC(s) and supporting a business that is... failing(?) or fold the business and start up where you left off on your own?

[macdoodle]

We are in business together - I don't bankroll him per se - his profit pays his lving expenses/mortgage etc first, the rest pays business loans/overheads/equipment etc...and there isn't a lot left the overdraf runs high and I bring it down when it becomes a problem...I pay for all mine and DD living expenses house clothes school presents etc and all our joint insurances...it is complicated but any excess money really comes from my side - so what is she entitled to ???

[macdoodle]

Sorry for hijack mascara just wanted to point out that there is another side - much as (D)H would want to contribute he just doesn't have it without my assistance (I may be mug but I don't want to lose 10 years of hard work because of anger and bitterness who does that help??)....he wouldn't be lying to CSA his income at moment is less than nothing...

[MascaraOHara]

Macdoodle if you are in business with him that's one thing but that doesn't explain why you have to bank-roll him, pay for his accomodation etc

[MascaraOHara]

Nutty, that's wrong. If he's on benefits the benefit agency should deduct it automatically, can I suggest you email the CSA complaints department from the website (that's the only time I have been able to get them to pay my case any attention). They have to send paper work to the benefits agency and then benefits agency should automatically deduct the money.

It might be that the benefits agency are deducting it and the CSA aren't passing it on to you if you've received it once.

[macdoodle]

Well bozza yes thats ideal also ideally he did't cheat on me get involved with bunny boiler get her pregnant ..but then life is often far from ideal - been discussed to death in relationships - TBH more interested in money side of it (I honestly don't think she will let him have any kind of normal relationship with the child but that is their business the money side is mine).....at the moment we have decided to try ad get the business going even though we have split (hopefully it will eventually make money but may take a few years) - the poperties are my childrens futures and am not sure I am prepared to give up my hard work because he (and her) fucked up - there is a lot of talk of men taking responsibility but this girl (without a job or a home) decided to get herself pregnant (told him she was on pill) and now finds herself without the ending she wanted something he didn't want as he well knows he cannot support it...so what responsibility does she take ???

[MascaraOHara]

x posts with bozza. she puts it much better than I

[MascaraOHara]

macdoodle why don't you just stop bank-rolling him. Sorry but you sound like a mug.

I earn well and don't need my dd's fathers money but I feel it is principle. I wouldn't give my dd's father a penny of my money.

[bozza]

TBH macdoodle I think your husband should be sorting out a way to provide for all of his children rather than sponging off you.

[LittleBoot]

Snap

At least he has to pay his arrears though.

Mine doesn't.

[nutcracker]

Snap, thats what xp has to pay, except it is £5 between 3 children, and guess what ??? I have only ever recieved it once, when the CSA paid a about 10mths worth into my account.

Oddly, xp has had letters from them stating he has to pay £5 a week, but he has never actually been asked for the money.

[Ulysees]

Oh that's heartbreaking hun Got csa interview at mine tomorrow.

[BBBleedingGumsMurphy]

ffs!

[macdoodle]

I am finding this thread interesting and really feel for you guys ...can I just air another side (take into account I am not having a go in ANY way at you guys I admire you all...)....
My (D)H and I are seperated after his cheating affair - we have one DD age 5 and a 2nd DC due in Dec - I am main breadwinner I have a good job with a good income (which I have worked very hard for and work hard at work but I love my job and a very grateful that I am so lucky)....before we split (D)H started a business which I bankrolled essentially and continue to prop up as needed - we own a flat which he lives in as well as our house which me and DD live in - his business income does NOT cover his living expenses and the shops overheads so essentially his income is less than nil - but he maintains his lifestyle (nice car nice flat out drinking) thanks to me (yes stupid me I know but I am working on it but also don't want to everything to be lost because of his stupidity this was future for our DC and I would like to see how much of it we can maintain..)...Now the crunch he got OW pregnant - she has more or less admitted she got pregnant on purpose - I have NO doubt she is bunny boiler in extreme and totally obsessed with him she thought he would leave me for good and play happy families with her and her DC (well it hasn't and not going to)...she is old enough to know better (late 20's I am 36 he is 40)...she doesn't work has no training so no prospects and was living with her parents...so I have no idea how she plans to support her DC and TBH I really don't care - she is an adult she planned this and it backfired big time.....my (D)H wants to "do the right thing" he says...but any money he would give her voluntarily will be MINE (does anyone really think I should support his tart and her child although I feel sorry for her poor kid I don't for her and this would just be step to far for me..)
Through CSA really his income is very low and TBH if she puts in CSA claim so will I as again ay money he gives her will have to come from shop profits which again is REALLY my money......so although we have good life it is my money and hard work and I really cannot see she is enititled to any of my hard earned money and (D)H has nothing that is his alone .......