Ex p has just announced he's taking dd2 to Spain on Friday

[Emochild]

They were supposed to be going to Wales

Obviously I have no problem him taking her to Spain, it will be a nice holiday for her but she doesn't have clothes suitable for the climate and exp is expecting me to sort this out

She's a jeans and tshirts kind of 11 year old, owns no dresses and only 1 pair of shorts -not a problem in Wales but in 30 degrees heat it's a different story

He's now making me out to be the bad guy and 'he pays maintenance so I can get her clothes'
Had I had 6 months notice I could have budgeted for holiday clothes -but not on 2 days notice!

Gah!!!!!

[Emochild]

He pays maintenance after bumping his pension up to reduce what he pays -he specifically told me that was the reason

He doesn't seem to realise that payments are calculated for the whole year and already take into account the number of nights a year he has her

[BrixtonQueen]

He needs to sort all of these things out. Put it back to him. I know you are trying to put Dd first, by standing up to this you are teaching DD a valuable lesson in dealing with bullies! Does he pay maintenance through CMS, does he not minus off for when DCs are with him? No way are you responsible for providing anything special. Let him take his list and shove....take it to primarni

[Penfold007]

Emo as a fellow mum I really do empathise. If DD isn't happy then your not either. Ex is well out of order though.

[NameChange30]

HE is taking her on holiday, he should provide everything she will need! He really is taking the piss.
Tell him he has two options:

• Buy everything himself
  
• Give you the money you need to buy it for her
  

Either way he needs to move sharpish if he wants them to go on Friday.

F*ing cheeky bastard.

[Emochild]

I've got a towel for her, that's not a problem -it's just the list of demands that's frustrating

I'll have to dig through her jeans and see if there are any I can cut up -don't know why I hadn't thought of that

[Penfold007]

Emo he seriously doesn't get to dictate. Yes maintenance is meant to cover clothing but not unexpected clothing. Does she have an old pair of jeans you could cut off? An ordinary towel will be fine and surely he has plenty of those. It's his responsibility to provide for his DCs when he has them.

[clam]

There's a lovely slogan I've seen around recently: "Your lack of planning does not constitute my emergency."

[swift13]

You shouldn't have to pay because he hasn't been responsible enough to plan in advance.

He should contribute towards it.

I hope she has a nice time

[TendonQueen]

Oh no. Tell him he needs to buy most of that. You have £10 spare that you will use on t shirts and shorts from George and the rest is up to him.

[Emochild]

She doesn't have shorts?

Apparently she needs clothes for going out in the evenings, a beach towel, 2 swimming costumes, sun cream and after sun, a cardigan, sandals and trainers, and some shorts and tshirts

And a hat and sunglasses

And something to keep her occupied

And some batteries for her camera

He doesn't ask for much!

[cestlavielife]

she has t shirts, vests, a swimming costume and a pair of shorts. that is fine. she doesn't need much more. let her go with what she has.

essential is sun cream obviously.

[NameChange30]

"I can spend £20 but it means i'm going to have to cancel a day out I had planned for after she's been to her dads"

DO NOT cancel your day out! Ring fence that £20!

Seriously, he contributes £15-20 so you can get her holiday essentials or she doesn't go.

Just read that he wouldn't even provide proper sun cream, fucking brilliant. So the factor 50 you give her comes from thin air as well, does it?!

[NameChange30]

1. You can't rely on her dad buying her clothes while they're on holiday. He wasn't responsible enough to plan in advance, he is being stingy and refusing to pay for clothes now, so why would he spend his precious holiday time and money buying her clothes? For all we know he might just let her wear dirty/uncomfortable clothes.
   
2. OP you should insist that he gives you £x (whatever you need for the minimum essentials from supermarket/Primark) or she is not going! Put your foot down!

[cestlavielife]

just let her go with her vest tops swim costume and sun cream and flip flops. if she needs more she can ask dad to provide. they will sell cheap t shirts etc out there .

[Emochild]

Unfortunately i'm 6 foot tall so not an option -although some of my tops might make good dresses

[yomellamoHelly]

Could she wear any of your clothes?
(I fit in my nearly 12 year old's clothes. Not a perferct fit - too short in body etc - but doesn't have to be perfect.)

[LIZS]

For ehic reapply online ( you have to do yours too as you can't do a child alone) and give them the reference number. You don't need the card itself.

[iwantgin]

I can understand your frustration about him just landing this on you. Expecting you to sort out her holiday wardrobe etc.

BUT - I am only envious as XH has NEVER taken our DS on holiday. He has taken his subsequent wives/gf and children. But not DS.

So - I can only see it as a good thing.

If I were you I would just nip out to the supermarket - George, Sainsburys or Primark. Get a couple of shorts/skirts/tops maybe a light dresss or two. Keep it simple, she won't need much if she isn't into fashion so much.

You need EHIC really. Travel insurance sometimes will expect that you have the EHIC too - so that you can access that health cover first. If you can't find the card you can call them, and re-apply - keeping a note of the reference number, which will suffice if she leaves before the card comes through.

[Emochild]

Camel thanks for the suggestion but those only go up to 6-7, she's a tall 11 year old

She's very sensible about her own sun care but I've got some factor 50 I will send with her -his idea of high factor is 15

She has 1 year left on her passport, I've no idea where her ehic card is though, wasn't expecting to need it again
He says he will have travel insurance though so not sure if she needs it

They have the same surname so travel shouldn't be a problem

I can spend £20 but it means i'm going to have to cancel a day out I had planned for after she's been to her dads

Disney parenting again!

[LovesYoungDream]

Lucky dd! Don't forget a good factor/water resistant sunscreen and a sun hat. He needs to be responsible about applying it and keeping her hydrated in the sun. Does your dd have a valid passport. Does she have the same surname as your ex - if not, has he made arrangements so there won't be a problem boarding under different surnames?
There's plenty of places to get cheap summer clothes but if you haven't budgeted for it, can he pay towards getting some?
She'll have a great time and you get to have some time to yourself too so a win win for everyone

[BeautifulBatman]

titchy if the dad can't be arsed now, what makes you think he'll take DD shopping g once they're away??

[TheHouseOnBellSt]

Primark does tops for under 2.00 and shorts are not expensive either. Have you a spare 15 quid? That will get t shirts, shorts and flip flops.

[Emochild]

He's only taking one, older one didn't want to go to Wales so she's not been offered Spain -she wouldn't want to anyway, she hates hot weather and her not seeing him is not a new thing

The only summer clothes dd has is a couple of tshirts and a couple of vests that she wears under hoodys -she's not interested in clothes and tends to wear the same jeans, tshirt and hoody repeatedly